Is it a Conspiracy? Probably not.

There must have been an incident where a friend or colleague did something that appears malicious. Or maybe an event looked like part of a plan to undermine or sideline you. Perhaps you felt you were the victim of some office politics? Usually, you will nurse you hurt feelings in private, looking with daggers at your new mortal enemy, and silently plotting your revenge. You might complain about the instance, but not usually to the person who caused you such distress. And for a small percentage of the time you called it correctly – it was deliberate. But usually it was just another example of laziness, incompetence, or just accidental happenstance. No conspiracy, plot, or nastiness, just unintended consequence.

This phenomenon is probably best expressed through Hanlon’s Razor: "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity" or "Don't assume bad intentions over neglect and misunderstanding."

There are other sayings that say it differently, but the message is the same:

(Robert) Heinlein's Razor - "You have attributed conditions to villainy that simply result from stupidity.”

When you suspect villainy, “thoughtlessness” will usually fit better: and thoughtlessness will only get more frequent. The narcissistic assumption that the world revolves around us is on the increase; as an example, we experience our friends posting social media updates that they assume are scintillating but we instead think are humdrum and self-involved.  

I get invitations to connect on Linkedin and when accepting a few I accidentally pressed the “decline” button. For the person being declined, it must look personal, but it was just user error. No agenda was intended. These accidental actions happen more than deliberate subversion, but we can easily see how the mind jumps to assuming a deliberate slight.

Taking Offense

We are in an age where we often communicate electronically instead of face-to-face, and even this electronic communication is becoming terser and more abrupt. Even when someone takes the time to write a long and detailed email, the recipient often admits they didn’t read it all; instead they scanned to find pertinent detail, and not finding their own name attached to anything, they moved onto the next email. I’m guilty too, especially when I’m trying to read 25 emails right before I must stop for a meeting. When we remove the person-to-person contact (and context) we can too easily take offense.

Even my daughter was trying to get in on the act. When she was seven, she was introduced to the concept of “offensiveness”. And for a while, everything was;

Me :     You need to eat your breakfast”.

Her:      “That’s offensive!”

Me:      “You should tidy your room”.

Her:     “That’s offensive!”

And so on….

I’m forever reading headlines that swathes of the community are outraged, even before these people have an understanding what was trying to be communicated. Steven Covey’s bestseller “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” has, “Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood”, but this is certainly difficult in a fast-paced environment when just “getting it done” is prized. More commonly the rule seems, “Speak first before someone else gets a chance to interrupt you”!

So listen, communicate more with substance and empathy, try to use face-to-face conversations, and don’t labor under hurt feelings when you think you have been insulted or hurt by events. Perhaps the updated Heinlein's Razor says it best: "Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity, but don't rule out malice." And if you take offense from this posting, it is unlikely I bear you personal malice… but don’t rule it out!