Consider Your Words Before You Speak
Glenn Warrington
Advisor covering - Cars - Caterham, Lotus, Mazda, Microlino, Morgan, TVR & Volkswagen - Motorcycles - CCM & Norton
How emotions can cause us to choose words poorly and how we can influence much more effectively.
During July, a shocking incident occurred on the steps of the Capitol in Washington when the Florida representative Ted Yoho verbally attacked Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez in front of news reporters. His aggressive language which included swearing, misogyny and accusations of mental incompetence hit the US headlines, as did the previous attack by President Trump on Ocasio-Cortez when he directly told her to “go home” and leave the USA.
We are all dealing with stressful situations every day and adapting to new ways of working that can change with a headline, an email or even a tweet. There is a need to step back, become aware of the language we use, especially listening to what is said in anger and frustration. Our words sometimes reflect our momentary emotions and continue to affect the recipient, even after our feelings have died down.
Ted Yoho is sadly just one example of a public figure who has recently let their emotions get the better of their ability to make a point during public debate. The verbal attacks by President Trump have become more than a weekly occurrence – recent terms such as “China Virus” and “thugs” when describing protestors, may be a deliberate political ploy but this language and tone are aggressive, and at times racist. In the UK, we are spectators to the sparring between our politicians whose verbal attacks often undermine the core points of argument.
But what do people who verbally attack gain in public disagreements?
An excellent article in
(https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2020/06/trump-gets-trumpier-under-stress/613543/)
in June 2020 examined how the effect of multiple stress issues have heightened President Trump’s aggressive verbal attacks. Research shows that using aggressive language to attack in an argument gives the individual a sense of control when they have none over the more pressurised issues. It is a negative means of seeking to influence events which are beyond our control, and a way of controlling the narrative in order to distract the public from the major issues.
If our leaders are demonstrating aggressive communication as the acceptable norm, how can we communicate effectively?
Separate the person from the point. We may disagree vehemently, but we need to separate the disagreement and criticism of an idea or action from the person’s personality, background, education, and status in society. A course of action may be unwise but calling the person stupid does not help our case.
Consider emotions before we speak.
If we take a deep breath before we speak, especially when we feel strongly about a subject, we can slow down and prevent an emotional outburst. We need to slow down the process of our thinking before we allow it to leave our mouths to share with others.
Take actions to lower stress levels in a crisis and build our resilience.
(We have some excellent tips in this
(https://www.advance-performance.co.uk/podcasts/resiliance/ )
and this
to help to improve emotional intelligence and resilience.)
By being more aware of our emotions, and we can think more clearly in building an argument on the spot without grasping at insults from personal subconscious beliefs.
In contrast to Ted Yoho’s non-apology, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, returned to the House Floor with a well prepared, rational,
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkQ4DBvjXw8&feature=youtu.be)
dealing effectively with her experience of totally inappropriate language, giving her credibility and the upper hand.
By controlling her emotions and taking time to prepare her words and delivery, Ocasio-Cortez displayed to the listening world that our language matters for respectful and effective communication.