Conscious network design

Most of us have heard the saying that we are the average of the 5 people we spend most time with, but how many of us are really aware of who those people are and the impact they have on our lives.

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Partner?

Kids?

Colleagues?

Friends?

Boss?

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Have you ever started to take on the accent or repeat the sayings of someone you spend time with? That’s this effect in action.

It happened to me in a previous job, I didn’t even realise until much later that I was becoming more and more like my line manager. And would I have wanted to emulate that person? Most definitely not! This is why its so important to bring self-awareness into who we spend time with and how we want to live.

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Dr David McClelland’s research says that "the people you habitually associate with determine as much as 95 per cent of your success or failure in life."

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Some people hold us back, while others propel us forward.

Some people make us feel good, others drain our energy.

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For this reason, it is crucial to think about how people impact both your mental and physical health. When we do this actively, we can consciously design our network to help us reach the outcomes we want from life.

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I am big on empowerment, getting conscious about your mindset and what you make things mean (as Brene Brown would say, ‘the stories we tell ourselves’).? As much as that is true, and we are all our own person, there is also evidence that our environment and relationships definitely do impact this.

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I worked with a woman last year who’d just had a baby and was already worried about the impact on her career. ?The human psyche likes to prove itself right, and she’d inadvertently found herself seeking out groups and publications that talked about how ‘screwed’ a woman is when she becomes a mother. Only through our coaching did she realise this consumption on almost a daily basis was not a healthy diet for her. ?So, she stopped, got very mindful of who and what she gave energy too and took back control of her own thinking. She got into action to proactively discuss her return and future career with her employer, rather than stagnating on how unfair it would all be.

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It’s the same with anyone we spend time with. Over time, people and relationships change, but we don’t like to be the one to stand out by changing our participation in situations that aren’t proving positive for our health. If you regularly spend time with people who are pessimistic or like to blame others for their lot in life, however resilient you are, its going to leach into your psyche too. Likewise, if you spend time around people who take accountability for their lives and actions, and like to develop and grow, you will be more inclined to feel in control of your experience of life too.

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Developing this awareness all starts with knowing what kind of person you want to be, what’s most important to you in life and getting really honest with yourself about the extent to which your time, money and energy are being dedicated to the things at the top of that list. For most of us with busy lives, we are horrified when we realise our energies go mostly to the things lower down the list. And, when you look at the people you spend time with, how much do they demonstrate those values in the way they live?

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If the answer is, they don’t, then maybe it’s time to re-evaluate?? And we aren’t talking dramatic break ups, I mean gracefully and consciously planning what you need and want from life and then assertively, kindly and respectfully ensuring you make the changes you need to be around more of the people who light you up and bring you what you need and want.

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I’m hosting a networking event for women on Wednesday 11th October from 1-2pm, to bring together groups of people that DO support the kind of person you want to be. If you’d like to come (it’s free!), drop me a message.

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And, if you know you need to do some work around this in your life or career, lets talk. You can book a free 30 minute call using the link in the comments, or drop me a message and we’ll get something organised.

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Hopefully that’s thought provoking for you.

Nicky

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