Conscious Communication: 7 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Initiating a Difficult Conversation

This newsletter equips you to be a more conscious leader and live a more connected and conscious life. Our destiny doesn't happen by chance. It is the result of the decisions we make along the way.?Each moment gives us the opportunity to begin right where we are to shape our destiny and to engage with others in a more compassionate, connected, and conscious way.

This is the first of 3 articles on Conscious Communication.

There are four words that, when we hear them, we stop in our tracks because we know they are going to be followed by a lot of other words we may not want to hear. This happens in both our personal and our professional lives. Those four words are....?"We have to talk."

Did you?feel a shiver run up your spine??

These?words cause anxiety for both the initiator and the recipient.

If you are the?initiator, you've been carrying around a difficult conversation for a while now. You've role-played how it will go, what the reactions will be, and how you are hoping it will end.

You've determined when and where you should have the conversation. And, you've come up with lots of reasons why you shouldn't have it.

If you are the?recipient,?first you may try to brace yourself for what's coming with some mindfulness techniques, like deep breathing, or you may quickly tell yourself it can't be that bad.

Or maybe you will immediately launch into a defensive mode.

Or, maybe you'll say, "this isn't a good time," or you'll run.

Putting all of the emotional baggage aside that accompanies the conversation, here is the one reason you must have this conversation.

It won't go away by itself.

The?most damaging and common conversation mistakes?we make when initiating difficult conversations can be avoided with some self-awareness.

A Self-Assessment Checklist

How can you?move through this conversation with as little drama as possible? Here are 7 questions?to answer prior to having the conversation.

1.????What are your objectives for this conversation?

2.????What do you believe is the other person's position in this conversation? What reactions are you anticipating?

3.????Based on your history with this person, how effective are they at pushing your buttons, or triggering you? How safe do you feel with them? Based on this information, how can you preempt triggers?

4.????How are your feelings about this conversation impacting how you will show up? The mere act of inserting a thermometer into a glass of water to measure the temperature changes the water temperature. Similarly, your disposition in initiating the conversation will impact how the conversation plays out. What is your personal temperature?

5.????How have you contributed to the situation leading up to this point? Have you owned that? Have you expressed that to the other person?

6.????Can you approach this conversation without blame or ego, and focus only on solutions?

7.????How aware are you of your own body language? Are you?projecting a defensive or offensive message?

Tip: If you use journaling as a tool to process emotions or experiences, these questions are effective journal prompts to help you determine how mentally or emotionally prepared you are to engage in a difficult conversation.

Alternative conversation starters

Softer openings can diffuse the situation. One of these may work:

1.????"I could really use your help with a challenge I am having."

2.????"I would love your perspective on this situation."

3.????"Can you please help me to understand something?"

It's also a good idea to schedule the conversation, and not rush through it. This allows both participants to be?prepared, focused, and present. No one feels they have been cornered into a conversation they were not prepared to have.

Difficult conversations always flow best when both parties feel safe to have the exchange.

I recorded a brief video explaining three ways to ask for permission to proceed in communication. Asking permission to proceed is one of them. Here is that link .

I hope these pointers can take the edge off of your next difficult conversation. It probably won't be nearly as challenging as you anticipate. And just in case it is, you'll be fully prepared to manage it from beginning to end.

Good luck!

About the Author

Marissa Levin is a 5x, 30-year entrepreneur, speaker, best-selling author, mindset expert, and globally recognized growth & spiritual strategist.

She was recognized as one of the Top 200 Biggest Voices of Leadership globally for 2023.

She is CEO and co-founder of?i5 Conscious Leadership ,?a leadership education, coaching, and consulting firm. Guided by a mission to elevate the consciousness of the world through leadership, i5 Conscious Leadership bridges self-consciousness and organizational consciousness for leaders that are ready to embrace higher level leadership to achieve exceptional employee engagement and business growth.

She is also the CEO of?Marissa International ,?her global speaking and transcendental coaching platform to help individuals step into their highest potential. Marissa is passionate about educating and empowering leaders, teams, organizations, and communities through her speaking. Reach out if you believe your people, members, and communities would benefit from guidance and wisdom to live a more empowered, conscious, and joyful life.

**?No AI/Chat GPT search/copying was used to write this article. All content flows from the author's own insights, creativity, and commitment to an authentic human connection.