Conscious Communication: 4 Options When a Tough Conversation Goes South

This is the 3rd of 3 articles in my Conscious Communication series.

You've done all of the "right" things to prepare for a difficult conversation, and to protect the conversation from going off the rails. Still, here you are, back up against the wall, anxiety rising, and no ending or solution in sight.

What can you do now?

In a recent coaching client with an executive who was prepping for a difficult conversation that carried a high likelihood of going south, we role-played and discussed the likelihood of various scenarios.

I shared that there are 4 options when we feel/experience a conversation taking a turn in an unexpected direction.

Observe

Our first choice is to lean into the role that I refer to as "the witness." When we sense that things are moving into a difficult place, the most important thing to do is... nothing. This is where breathwork becomes useful. Our natural tendency may be to lunge forward with a response that asserts our position or dominance, but this is the most counterproductive action. What is needed is space, rather than force.

It's in this space that you can become aware of your physical and emotional reactions. While silence may be uncomfortable, it becomes the container to collect your thoughts and pause.

Follow

The second option is to follow the flow. I've written and recorded many times about the importance of not "pushing the river" in life. The idea that we can force the flow of anything - a situation, a person, an outcome - is an illusion. When we try to alter the current, direction, or flow of the energy of anything, we simply exhaust ourselves.

If a conversation or situation takes a direction that we don't expect, it doesn't necessarily mean that it is "wrong." It may be different than our initial envisioned outcome, but often it is exactly what is needed.

There is a wealth of information in resistance.

An advisor taught me long ago that people, situations, and experiences that generate strong emotions within us are great sources of information. The emotions will come & go, and ebb & flow, but the lessons are jewels hidden within these scenarios. When we can silence the ego-driven chatter of needing to be heard or needing to be right, we can learn from what is in front of us.

If your conversation starts turning towards a place you don't want to go, this is all the more reason to follow it - as both a participant and a witness. There is great value in this unexpected path.

Redirect

If you've been able to listen, observe, and learn from the conversation, and your intuition is telling you that your conversation partner is open to hearing your point of view, there is an opportunity to redirect. As with every conversation, begin with the end in mind. By redirecting, what is your desired outcome? Creating a win-win outcome in your mind and moving towards this end-state diffuses defensiveness and paves the way for a productive exchange.

Shut it Down

If you've concluded that nothing positive will result from further dialogue in this moment, it's wise to shut it down. "We seem to have hit an impasse. How do you feel about picking this up again tomorrow?"

In my first Conscious Communications column, I included a link to a brief video I recorded on the 3 ways to ask for permission in our communications. This is covered there in detail.

Conclusion

Difficult conversations are part of life. They don't need to make life difficult, however. In any moment, we can maintain peace of mind, and step into the role of the witness so that we are in a state of flow, of learning, and of forward progress. There are always options.

Good luck!

About the Author

Marissa Levin is a 5x, 30-year entrepreneur, speaker, best-selling author, mindset expert, and globally recognized growth & spiritual strategist.

She was recognized as one of the Top 200 Biggest Voices of Leadership globally for 2023.

She is CEO and co-founder of?i5 Conscious Leadership ,?a leadership education, coaching, and consulting firm. Guided by a mission to elevate the consciousness of the world through leadership, i5 Conscious Leadership bridges self-consciousness and organizational consciousness for leaders that are ready to embrace higher level leadership to achieve exceptional employee engagement and business growth.

She is also the CEO of?Marissa International ,?her global speaking and transcendental coaching platform to help individuals step into their highest potential. Marissa is passionate about educating and empowering leaders, teams, organizations, and communities through her speaking. Reach out if you believe your people, members, and communities would benefit from guidance and wisdom to live a more empowered, conscious, and joyful life.

**?No AI/Chat GPT search/copying was used to write this article. All content flows from the author's own insights, creativity, and commitment to an authentic human connection.