Conquering Self-Confidence
What does it take to have unconditional #selfconfidence ?
Starting with the big picture, we have to mention “self-knowledge, self-worth, and self-love.”
Because it’s indisputable that self-confidence doesn’t happen without these three.
Tons of people fake it by talking loudly, flashing their bodies, and displaying expensive toys and clothes. But don’t be fooled; true self-confidence is rare.
So, if you want it, the good news is you don’t need to make more money or change your looks.
All you need to do is become insanely curious about the nature of your being and play with some or all the points I’m about to mention.
But, before I do, a confession: years ago, I got REALLY good at hiding my lack of self-confidence.
I dated the worst men in history and wondered why none of them loved me.
I secretly hated myself and expected others to adore me... and of course, it didn’t work.
This lack of self-confidence and belief bled into other areas of my life, keeping me from pursuing my true passion in life (coaching) and speaking my truth openly.
Romantically, things didn’t get better until I decided to love myself -even if I didn’t know HOW back then.
I took the first step in faith by forever abandoning the most toxic relationship I’ve ever been in. I also learned about myself and human behavior.?
This curiosity, paired with therapy and self-instruction, brought me a better partner after another until destiny reunited me with the love of my life -who today is my husband.
So, that’s a bit of my story. Back to you now, and here are some of the paths to higher self-confidence:
1.?????LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF
I say “learn” and not just “love yourself” because for some of us, loving ourselves isn’t something readily available.
It took me years of reading, therapy, and healing to look at my face in the mirror without a profound sense of hatred. But it happened.
I barely recognize myself today, and I understand the hatred wasn’t even mine. It was repressed anger, frustration, and the voice of my abuser looking for a way out of my body.
Once you become your best friend, accepting yourself with all your flaws and mistakes unconditionally, you’ll have the confidence to take risks and speak your truth.
As you do this, self-worth will follow.
2. BE WILLING TO FEEL
One of the greatest “liberators” you can adopt is willing to FEEL.
We tend to go through life avoiding unpleasant emotions and seeking exhilarating ones (brief ones).
While this is entirely natural, it’s also the very thing that enslaves us.
So, being willing to accept anything that happens, noticing (without repression) the resulting emotions flowing through the body, can be revolutionary.
It doesn’t mean we cross our arms and do nothing; it means we accept and allow first and then take appropriate action.
Just imagine what you would do if you weren’t afraid to err or fail. Embracing this practice can prepare you to be that person.?
3.?????HEAL YOUR TRAUMA
As Gabor Mate suggests, everyone has trauma.
The reason is even a perfectly loving household can create situations where (as a child or young adult) you make decisions that result in limiting beliefs.
So, it pays to investigate.
For this, a sea of therapists and coaches can facilitate the journey in a safe space.
Unfortunately (regardless of degree), not everyone you meet will be good at what they do or a fit for you.
So, stay with those who resonate and move you forward quickly -at least to some degree. Otherwise, you might waste years in useless therapy, which isn’t necessary.
Each person’s healing journey is unique, and you can’t force it. Patience and persistence will take you there.
领英推荐
4.?????KNOW YOURSELF
The fastest progress I experienced with self-confidence happened when I started reading about self-inquiry in the tradition of the Advaita philosophy.
That’s when a series of “wows and aha’s” opened me up to higher states of being.
I believe the whole reason why we suffer (psychologically) is due to not understanding the nature of who we are.
We are perennially engulfed by our fears and desires, not stopping to dig deeper into our true nature.
I can’t say that I know who I am -not yet anyway. But I certainly know who I am NOT.
And this mere understanding has catapulted me into things I only dreamed of doing and experiencing.
Some great books I recommend (in this order):
P.S. This step might not be helpful without first conquering steps 1 and 2.
5.?????CREATE EVIDENCE OF SUCCESS
Self-confidence is sometimes lacking because we don’t have experience with a particular skill set.
So naturally, we feel reluctant to expose ourselves, risking ridicule -which stops us in our tracks.
The best cure for this is collecting small victories.
You take a big goal, break it into mini-goals, and then write down actionable steps to get to them.
You take a step every day, no matter how small.
If you do this consistently, with an attitude of experimentation and looking to get feedback -instead of failing- you’ll inevitably conquer your goal.
Along these lines, it helps to keep your promises (especially those you make to yourself.) Consistently doing what you said you would do creates self-belief, strengthening your confidence.
6.?????PURIFY YOUR BODY AND MIND
I left this one for last, but it’s fundamental because the body is the container of all our emotions.
If your body is constantly tired, anxious, heavy, or sick, it will surely reflect your mental state.
So, to elevate your ability to respond to life, you want to start addressing the foundations.
Even though I’m a certified nutritionist, I never really paid much attention to the nutritional link.
It wasn’t until I returned from the Tennessee mountains -from an intense spiritual practice- (with a body as light as a feather, seeing everything in ultra-HD, and feeling miles away from any problem or inconvenience) that I realized what the impact was.
Being stubborn, I immediately dismissed the thing and returned to eating meat and some processed food.
What happened that night, I still don’t know… But I can tell you my body and psyche went in all crazy directions.
I woke up in the middle of sleep, not knowing where I was and unable to return to reality. It seemed like very long minutes until darkness turned into me sitting in bed, drenched in a cold sweat and shaking.
It was the scariest thing that’s happened in a bit, and I feared falling asleep again.
The following day all the HD stuff was gone, and I was back to my usual -rather blah- feelings.
I regained some of it -still working on it- by re-engaging in my Yoga practices and eating light and clean. But the best thing about it was realizing the importance of appropriate nutrition.
In that light, here are some things you can do to purify your mind and body:
The path to self-realization -which to me is nothing more than living life to the fullest potential- isn’t easy.
But nothing worth having ever is.
Self-confidence -and many other blessings beyond your imagination- can be yours if you invest in doing the work.
And if you want help navigating these waters, I’m here.