Conquering 'Mum Guilt' and Reclaiming your Career Journey

One of the million things I didn’t prepare myself for in motherhood was the overwhelming sense of “guilt”. Just as we often refer to the battle between our light and mischievous sides it seems that both voices are heavily silenced by the arrival of guilt once we enter parenthood.???

It’s a narrative often questioning whether I'm doing enough for my children? Am I spending enough time with them?? Am I selfish for wanting to retain some sense of self in this phase we are in?? Will my choice to climb the corporate ladder mean I’m compromising motherhood?? What has become clear, and as a friend gently reminded me this week is: guilt is a wasted emotion.

Mum guilt thrives on comparison.? We often measure ourselves against someone else’s standards.? Desperate to meet those unattainable standards portrayed by society – caring for children as though we don’t work, working as though we don’t have children.? Trying to balance it all; work, family, self-care, friendships, relationships, hobbies, immaculate homes, the list continues.

What I’ve discovered in my short journey so far is there really isn’t one “right” way to be a mother or a professional.? Our society’s constructed in a way that we are judged regardless of what decisions we make, and modern day living is not set up to optimally support parents and young children.

As we navigate through this less-than-ideal environment it’s worth asking ourselves “How does holding onto guilt serve us and what could the alternative look like?”

Instead of letting guilt cloud judgements and pick away at self-worth couldn’t that energy be used to focus on building a career and life that works for you and your family’s needs?

If you’re thinking about how you might reduce the burden of guilt and feel more in alignment there are a few tips I have found useful:

1. Have the End in Mind When you’re in the depths of raising children it’s easy to get lost in the day to day but if you’re serious about making change you need to know what your change is going to result in.? Where do you want to be in 5 year’s time?
2. Set Realistic Expectations We’re a generation of women who’ve been taught that we can have it all only to be left with an overwhelming sense of inadequacy in many facets of life.? I prefer to take the approach “We can have what we want and all in good time.”? Meaning that different phases of life, family and work all require varying degrees of focus and energy at different times.? Accept this and work out where you want to be directing your energy.?
3. Communicate The pressures to live up to the societal expectations of motherhood is tough.? Fears of looking bad, incompetent or feeling judged may override our desires to be seen and heard.? Speak to others, share your thoughts and explain the challenges/feelings you are facing. If nothing else there is world of mothers battling similar feelings and there is huge comfort in finding others who can say “I’m experiencing this too”.
4. Don’t Settle Ways of working are changing, if your current employer isn’t supporting the balance you need for your family, please go out there and find an employer that does.? There are businesses out there who are supporting mothers career aspirations on reduced hours, there are Bosses who understand the logistical challenges that parenting brings.? Don’t sit in a job that that doesn’t value your worth just because you’re a mother and feeling grateful to still have one.

To conclude, when it comes to making career decisions whilst raising children it’s important to gain clarity on exactly what you want for you and your family.? Your journey might look completely different to your best friends or colleagues and that’s okay. Creating actions that align with your intent will help to reduce and clear unnecessary thoughts of guilt.? ?

Finally, if you can do one thing for yourself this week take 20 minutes to write down how you want your future work life balance to look like.? Once you have that picture in your mind commit to taking on small action that will contribute to making that happening.

From one supportive mother to another with love.

"Guilt is a totally useless emotion. It never makes anyone feel better nor does it change the situation". - Louise Hey.