Conquer Your Fear: Build Your Wolfpack

Even if you’re great at exuding confidence in the stickiest situations, none of us are immune to moments of uncertainty. Navigating an advancing career is especially tricky, which goes double for women who don’t have the advantages that men do. We can talk forever about the situation, the scenario, and our actions. But the truth is that one big culprit is holding most of us back: our fear.?

I get together regularly with other women business leaders to discuss our struggles, challenges, and strengths. During one of our recent chats, we opened up about the fears we were all facing. Of course, names and details have been changed to protect the innocent, but I’d like to share a bit of our chat.

One shared that she feels pressured to help others and keep pushing forward, often at the cost of her own self-care. Another wants to be recognized for the hard work she’s putting in but can’t force others to validate her efforts. A third shared that a family member turned 80 and exclaimed she’s “finally happy with who she is.” While my friend admires this family member, the thought of waiting until 80 years old to love who she is was unsettling to her.

My constant worry has been how my closest loved ones and the rest of the world would perceive me at different points in my life. As a result, I’ve always considered what impact each step would take before moving forward, which has sometimes slowed me down. For example, when I was younger, I hesitated to ask for what I wanted in relationships and show up 100% as myself. The result was a lot of time and effort wasted worrying about what others might think.?

As we continued to share, it became clear that while our challenges may be different, the root was the same: FEAR! Fear of not providing value, putting our needs first, not being enough, or what other people think. In those moments, the people around you who know you and can speak your truth will carry you forward with reassurance that you can handle whatever stands in your way.

That support group is what soccer star Abby Wambach describes as a Wolfpack, and it’s what I consider my secret to success. A Wolfpack can be that shining light that helps lead you out of the dark when you’re unsure which way to move. As Martin Luther King, Jr. famously said, “You don’t have to see the whole staircase; just take the first step.” The women in your support group all have different perspectives on the situations you face, and chances are they may have just conquered a similar challenge or may have the ability to see around the corner ahead of you. As a result, they are the best-qualified people to lift you when you’re feeling down.?

The question isn’t if fear will strike; it’s when. And the moment it does, will you notice it, see it for what it is, and have the support to help you move past it? With your Wolfpack, you can.

Build Your Pack

When you bring your pack of women together, ensure they know you’re not just getting together for coffee. If you want to make space for difficult conversations, vulnerability, and accountability, you must make that clear ahead of time. Setting the right tone takes courage and relationship-building effort, and it’s your job to clarify expectations as you form the group. After building several of these groups over my career, I’d like to share some tips to help you find and develop your pack.?

Before you start, ask yourself two questions to clarify your purpose: What do you want to accomplish? Who are the women who have the same vision or have the same challenges? Once you find that clarity, you can begin calling up your friends.

1. Wolfpacks are invite-only?

You may get more ladies to show up if you post an event on social media, but you don’t want just anyone in your wolfpack. There are guidelines on who to invite. First, consider what kinds of past experiences and future goals you want your group to share. Then, ask yourself what values and qualities you expect everyone to share. Finally, what different perspectives and experiences might help strengthen your group??

2. Use “yes, and no are both good answers.”

I’ve used this phrase in all kinds of situations. It shows the other person you respect their boundaries and don’t want to pressure them into anything. As you build your group, you’ll probably approach women you have great relationships with already. It’s essential to recognize that the wolfpack might not be for everyone right now and that their “no” isn’t a personal rejection. The only agenda you have is to create something helpful for everyone involved.?

3. Tap into your centers of influence

Find a few close and trusted individuals who share similar goals and have comparable networks that don’t completely overlap. Ask each person to bring a couple of guests who share the same vision, are open and willing to get into deep conversations, and can keep group discussions to themselves. As you get to know each member, learn about their strengths to help you build the group. Give clear instructions about whom to invite, but trust in your founding members as you co-create the group together. Building these relationships intentionally from the beginning goes a long way to keep the group on track later.

4. Set the tone for vulnerability and safety

To open up a safe space for vulnerability in the specific areas you want to discuss, your group must set boundaries together from the beginning. In my case, reading Abby Wambach’s book Wolfpack helped us get on the same page. It became the basis and the vision for what we wanted our group to be like, so we asked all members to buy a copy and read it. The scope of topics covered in the book gave everyone an idea of what was okay to share and discuss. And, of course, every group will be different: a conversation considered safe in one group may be taboo in another if it crosses the boundaries or veers too far from the group’s focus.

It’s also important to recognize the role of personal responsibility in a group like this. Members need to know the group is there for them, but it will only work if they share the effort.

5. Cultivate one-on-one relationships within the group

If there are eight women in your group, there are 56 different relationships between each individual member. I’ve already said it a few times, but these one-on-one relationships are indispensable. You’ll notice a greater feeling of safety in the group and create more potential to accomplish bigger things together if each person makes an effort to build trust with other members. Encourage group members to meet outside your scheduled gatherings and help each other with related projects on their own time (if they want to). The group will flourish with deeper relationships and an ability to dive into topics quickly at future meetings.

Get Inspired, Get Connected

As human beings, we weren’t made to be alone. Connection with other people is critical to our well-being. In any area of your life, connecting with others on a similar journey opens up opportunities to help each other. Sometimes you can share resources and skills; at other times, a good heart-to-heart conversation will do the trick. I encourage you to lean on your closest friends when you notice fears creeping into your life and build packs for different aspects of your life. This approach has enriched my personal and professional life, and I hope you find it does for you too.

Check out my Women's Million Dollar Conversations series for more inspiration on achieving your goals and building your financial freedom. Each episode highlights a woman who has made, saved, or sold over a million dollars, the challenges she’s faced, the wisdom she’s gained, and the insights she shares to help other women reach their potential.

For more insights on how to grow your network and your business, visit www.askalicetang.com/blog/.

I am Alice Tang, ChFC?, Financial Advisor, Speaker, and Educator. My signature trainings:

• Money Confidence Boosts Overall Confidence
• Your Network is Your Prosperity
• Building a Referral Business with 5% of Your Time
• Nurturing Relationships in a Socially Distanced Worldwide community

Tel: (503) 654-7676 | Fax: (503) 653-7575 | www.bpgnetwork.com | 10151 SE Sunnyside Rd, Suite 460, Clackamas OR 97015. Securities and advisory services offered through Royal Alliance Associates, Inc. (RAA), member FINRA/SIPC. RAA is separately owned and other entities and/ or marketing names, products or services referenced here are independent of RAA.