Connections

Let’s talk networking . For some of us, it is anxiety inducing. Unfortunately, we need networking to grow and to get ahead in our careers, right? Let’s face it. It may be a cliché, but getting to where you want to be is often about who you know, not just what you know!

I’m a woman of color and an introvert by nature who has always had extroverted jobs. Networking does not come naturally to me, and I used to hate it, primarily because I was often The Only – a woman, person of color or Black Woman – in the room. So, like you, I avoided getting to office dinner meetings during cocktail hour because I wasn’t sure what to talk about. I avoided the CEO, CFO, CMO, CDO, CCO, COO and basically everybody else whose title started with a C! If this sounds like you, take my hand, and let’s walk through how to network outside of your comfort zone so you’re developing relationships that help take the “work” out of networking. You might actually have fun!

I can feel and be more in control of a situation by focusing on what is manageable

Before we do that, I do want to take a moment to share more about introverts. (This knowledge may actually help you with Tip #3 below, by the way!) It turns out there are four different types of introverts according to the STAR model of introversion. They are the Social Introvert, Thinking Introvert, Anxious Introvert, and the Restrained Introvert. Each type has their own strengths, which you can read more about here ; I tend to be a Social Introvert who prefers smaller group settings and alone time, and my strengths are in being able to make others feel comfortable in social situations, even if I’m feeling a little ruffled under the feathers. What I have learned to love about networking is that I can feel and be more in control of a situation by focusing on what is manageable. Here are six strategic tips that may help you as well.

I never go to any meeting without knowing what I hope to get from it.

1.????Have a goal.

A guy I once dated asked me what my goal was for an upcoming conference I was dreading to attend. “What?! A goal? It’s a conference. I’m just supposed to show up.”

“No,” he challenged, “that’s how you choose to show up. I never go to any meeting without knowing what I hope to get from it.” Wow. Mind bender for me. But I’ve applied that strategy to every meeting, conference, workshop or forum since then.

What are you trying to accomplish for the evening? You can answer this from a macro perspective, such as “In four years, I want to be CEO; therefore, I need to be at the types of functions that other like-minded individuals attend.” Or you can take a micro approach. “Since I must appear at this event, I can at the very least meet colleagues I usually don’t have a chance to interact with.”

Then create your plan accordingly. How many people do you plan to meet and why? Map it out on a spreadsheet, and make sure your goal for the evening is measurable. If your goal [to meet and exchange contact information with at least three new people] is measurable, you immediately narrow the focus of your purpose at the event. You don’t need to meet everyone; just a few will do. And of those few, you only need to talk to The Chosen. When I do this, I immediately feel a sense of calm because I feel less overwhelmed by potential volumes of people. Also, if your goal is to meet three targeted people, once you’ve met them, your gift to yourself is to go home!

2.????Do your research.

Who will be there? What do you know about them? What might you have in common? Why were they invited? This is key! Knowledge is power, right? By getting a hold of the guest list or simply browsing through the RSVP list if it is posted, you gain a leg up. Google people you want to know or check out their social media platforms before the event. You might learn that the CFO went to your alma mater, or that the CMO runs marathons and you’ve been thinking about doing the same, or maybe you learn that the COO used to head your department, which would make talking to that person a fantastic opportunity to learn more about how s/he moved to their current position. Do as much homework as you can so that you feel prepared and you can sail in and out of any conversation. An added bonus is that others are often flattered that you’ve taken the time to learn more about them. It can make you more memorable to them as well.

3.????Have some talking points at the ready.

What can you talk about? This perplexes many of us and causes us to hang back in the shadows. But it doesn’t have to scare you. Think first of commonalities: what was the latest email sent out from the CEO or one of the other C’s? What is the top industry story in the trades people may be buzzing about? What about other current business news? What is the hot topic of the week in the WSJ, MSNBC, or your local Crain’s Magazine? When you feel prepared and have something to say, you won’t hide away in the corner.

I’ll go deeper here … Remember, we are all more similar than not, right? So, if you’re an introvert, there’s a high chance that someone else is, too! Pay attention to the person who is off in a corner or standing uncomfortably by the hors d’oeuvres table. Why not approach that person? You don’t have to be a social hero, but if that person is feeling anxious just like you are, you’d both immediately have something to talk about. Who knows, you two might become a tiny but mighty networking duo by the end of the night – and for future events.

4.????Stay for the drinks, but don’t drink!

This one is huge. Tongues get loose when the liquor starts flowing. That’s when you really find out what’s going on behind those closed conference room doors. So, stay and pay attention to all that’s being said. (And, sometimes, what’s not!) But remember, people will report back out what YOU said, not necessarily what THEY said. So just be sure your lips aren’t loose. Learn to be an observer if you aren’t already. Active listening pays off.

5.???Plan to follow up.

If you ask someone for their business card or contact info plan to use it. Ideally within the next week while their memory of you is still fresh. Think of it like dating -- the onus rests on the person who asks for the number to follow up, not the other way around.

Likewise, you wouldn't just walk up to a stranger in a bar and thrust your number at them and expect them to call you. So why in the world do you think it's appropriate to hand someone your business card unless they've asked for it? If they truly are interested in doing business with you, let them ask how they might get in touch with you.

6.????Not all networking has to happen at networking events.

My husband is a master at networking, and his motto is “Anytime, anywhere.” In line at the local Starbucks or grocery store, on a plane, train or Uber. Ask people about themselves, and they generally will start talking. Once they do, you can discern the commonalities and take it from there by determining how knowing them may benefit you. Or more importantly, how you might be of help to them. That’s when long-term relationships can first blossom, and you just never know who knows whom. Or who is on the path to becoming The Next. Practicing your networking skills in these more informal settings may pay off in the work-oriented environments.

I hope these six tips help you take the focus off your own anxiety and streamline your way to making networking more about the people you’re meeting and the potential to have some fun. Good luck and happy connecting!?

Level Up with Grace?is a weekly newsletter designed to equip Black women (and others) who want to unapologetically create a stellar career with the strategies, insights, and techniques needed to excel in corporate America. Executive coach Cheryl Grace shares a curation of thoughts, articles, profiles, trends, and tactics that can help women advance to their next professional level, wherever they are on their career journey. Weekly emphasis on?Confidence,?Curiosity,?Case Studies?(Personal Profiles),?Connections?(Networking), or?Course of Action?(What to DO).?Please subscribe and/or share!

Our whip-smart writing and research team includes?Lisa A. Alleyne ,?Peppur Chambers , and?Anthony Tone Payton .

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Powerful Penny LLC?is an executive coaching, consulting, and lifestyle firm founded by veteran corporate executive Cheryl Grace. We work with corporations seeking to promote, retain, and support diverse talent, as well as diverse professionals seeking to advance to their next level of career success. Our professional development services, coaching programs, and speaking/workshop series are fully customizable.?Discover how we can help you achieve your desired long-term results!