A Connection Project - Loneliness = Poor Performance - LETS RECONNECT

Loneliness is a strong word and not easy to talk about.?

This article is about how loneliness plays out for me, and how I’ve seen it play out in projects and at work and how it affects performance.

It mixes pre-Covid, during Covid and whatever we are calling this period…

I want to RECONNECT.

We all went through a lot but the next crisis hits, the next thing comes along..so lets take a minute to talk about it …

I don’t think many people would look at me and say - 'he’s lonely'.?

I have friends, a good job, I can crack a joke and get stuff done.

I didn’t used to call it loneliness because that word has a tinge of failure about it. You’ve failed to connect or build relationships or keep people close. You’ve locked yourself away.

Not a palatable concept.

Dictionary definitions depict sitting at home alone staring at the walls but the ‘gist of it’ for me is feeling disconnected and 'not being good with that’ as opposed to choosing to be alone and loving the peace and quiet.

Buts its subtle and it plays out in small ways…

Individual Loneliness

Here are some examples of my loneliness:

• Dialling in to video calls and then waiting until there are more people on-line before pressing the final connect button because I couldn’t face having to talk to others or the impending awkward silence
• Walking into a meeting room and feeling uneasy because there are people there that I don’t know very well or maybe some ‘senior’ people there, and I am worried incase I say ‘something stupid’
• Going in to an office ‘these days’ when everyone (including me) is sitting on a video call with head phones on and wondering whether I should say hello or not and disturb them

Collective Loneliness

I’ve also seen and felt loneliness on projects that I’ve worked on. Either in myself or picking it up (through the invisible airwaves) in others.

Here are some examples of collective loneliness:

• task focussed meetings with zero banter/humanity
• unnecessarily hierarchical meetings (you know the ones) where the worker bees present and the seniors opine (neither group is relaxed and getting the best out of it)
• low energy and apathy on projects because decisions are not being made on time or transparently
• corporate messaging about well-being that talks but does not walk.. as the workload piles up
• laborious admin boxes being ticked without anyone offering or asking for a strong ‘why are we doing this?’

Again, this type of environment isn’t called loneliness by anybody so it sits there like a silent curled up python in the individual or collective stomach.

It makes me feel disconnected and this affects performance.

Our societal norms ‘encourage’ (programme and train) us to keep that shizzle on the down-low especially at work…

Interestingly, some Government research, into the subject, was published in May 2021 (link and a quote below)

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/employers-and-loneliness/employers-and-loneliness

“Having good quality meaningful connections is associated with better outcomes in terms of quality of work, higher wellbeing and greater engagement in work. Across work roles, a lack of social connection and loneliness can lead to less commitment and productivity and greater absenteeism and staff turnover, and employees who feel lonely appear less approachable to their colleagues.”

Coping, Avoiding and Suppressing

Over the years, I’ve brilliantly come up with different ways of describing feeling lonely at work:

• I’m working in a dysfunctional project or team?
• This project has a flawed strategy
• This is just how it is here

Performance Dips

It plays out in big ways…

• Not going the extra mile on whatever it is I’m doing
• Waiting for meetings to end, days to end, projects to end
• Less creativity or standing back and asking the breakthrough questions
• Customers of the project are not fully contemplated or engaged with, as so much energy is consumed by getting through the day
• This creates guilt and shame (more scary words...)

Deeper Dive

Having looked closely at this….(I recently spent 30 minutes making a note of my thoughts while on a work call)

I have personally concluded that what sits beneath these thoughts and feelings are a set of false beliefs:

• I am constantly being measured or judged (mostly by my inner critic)
• I am separate from others (hello again inner critic)
• If the ’s**t hits the fan’..I am on my own

Now there are a lot of things I have done to handle these ‘feelings’

• Being funny (Dad jokes obvs)
• Mentally brushing it off
• Keeping my mouth shut (never easy for me)
• Thinking ahead to when ‘I’ll be doing something I enjoy’
• Netflix, Prime video whatevs..
• A cold beer or two/glass of wine
• Chocolate and Haribos (goes without saying)

You get the picture..

Wtf has any of this got to do with the commercial procurement profession or any other profession?

I’ll try and explain…

• I’ve worked on great projects and I’ve worked on really tough horrible projects.?
• I’ve worked on really tough, yet still really great projects

The difference for me was the level of connection versus loneliness (there’s that word again)

I don’t want to get all generic here…and talk about corporate engagement and well-being targets…you probably all have a PhD in that by now ..and all of that is moving us in the right direction…so instead I’ll tell some brief stories…

Pancakes and Pavlovas

I’ve got two Labradors - Ben and Darcy - Brother and Sister (they both have an eating disorder - they can’t stop eating..)

I walk them every morning and I got in to this habit of making voice recordings while doing so because my brain is super-active first thing?

One such recording captured a new business ethos that I will duly trademark

Pancakes and Pavlovas

Some projects I work on go like this:

Pancake Projects

• The team gets largely formed
• There’s some holes in the management structure (i.e Finance don’t have anyone to support - no offence finance)
• The project meetings happen but leave you with a feeling of ‘urghhhh’
• The project leader has meetings with ‘higher-ups’ and decisions trickle down in a fuzzy way through delegated project managers who ‘bless ‘em’ can’t answer many questions about the decisions because they weren’t there when they were made..
• The commercial team is under-staffed and seen as an appendage to the project that will magically come up with answers in a bubble when needed…’Ta-Dahhh’
• It goes through the motions..
• Everyone talks about the task (but see them as separate and stand-alone)
• The tasks are completed
• Thank you and goodnight

Pavlova Projects

• All of the above apart from a few delicious additions
• The project lead has a sense of humour and throws in the odd swear word for good measure
• She/He’s good but they know this project isn’t the same as the last one..
• There is an intensity
• The ‘Sourcing Playbook’ is referred to and followed (check this out private sector friends - its v good)
• https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/987353/The_Sourcing_Playbook.pdf
• There’s some early morning meetings but everyone turns up because this project is rocking and rolling and the pressure is on
• There’s tension but this gets solved by the two tense people taking each other for a walk around the block (they don’t ignore it…they run towards it)
• Governance meetings are useful.. in fact crucial to the timeline because we know what decisions need to be made when
• Proposals are discussed, there’s disagreement but it runs like clockwork and you better be prepared?
• There is structure and a drumbeat and ….the odd look or chuckle and you can feel momentum and glue is building
• Badges are imperceptible…teams mix cross functionally?
• You walk around the ‘orrifice’ and people from different teams are laughing about something
• Week night drinks happen - regularly?
• A document is needed to go out to the market and the team will pull an all-nighter
• There is a team tie and team deodorant (someone please ban ties..ok sometimes they look good)
• Hierarchy is there..but its warm (catch me?)

Ok that’s enough…

Responsibility

Its my personal responsibility to make and eat Pavlovas..I know…buts it hard…

’F**k it’ shall we have a go?