Connection between Self Belief and self compassion

Self-compassion?is the ability to be understanding to yourself and it is fundamental to true Self Belief (believing that you are OK, regardless of how you look and what you do) and also Belief in Others (believing that others are also fundamentally OK, regardless of whether we agree with them, or not) - key elements of mindset of Growth, supporting your resilience, wellbeing, personal and interpersonal effectiveness and so much more (see my other articles in the Mindset Matters series).

If you dive into understanding of how our brain works (something I?share with you?in the Mindset to Growth programme), it is very clear that we as humans are wired for Survival. If your sense is that you might be showing up from Survival more often than from Growth, it's quite possible that this natural?in-built?tendency of your?'software'?was strengthened even further that way by your conditioning, from parents,?education?and other important figures and?situations?in your life. And ultimately - yourself, as another thing about how our brains work is that we unconsciously tend to strengthen beliefs that we already?have.

Recognising the patterns -??thinking, emotional and behavioural habits - that we might have been 'running' on, especially when those habits are no longer serving us, is absolutely key to effective and sustained transformation. And yet - ensuring that there is no blame, but understanding, openness and supporting attitude, so often lacking in my individual and group coaching clients when we first start working together, is what speeds up the transition to Growth - for yourself and/or those around you.

So, what is self compassion??

Dr Kirstin Neff’s research defines three components of self compassion:

Self-kindness – being kind to yourself instead of being overly critical

Common humanity – acknowledgment that life’s ups and downs happen to all of us

Mindfulness – practice of being present in the moment

Practising and accepting these three components can help you support your Self Belief and your mindset.

“Unfortunately, self-criticism can lead to generalised hostility (toward oneself and others), anxiety and depression; these are problems that can handicap people from reaching their full potential.”?Dr Kirstin Neff

Here are few ways to practice?self compassion:

• Let go of expectations - acknowledge that everything doesn't need to be perfect. If you are finding this one very difficult, you might need to transform some subconscious beliefs first.
• Practice self-kindness - do your best to eliminate any negative self talk. Becoming aware of how we speak to ourselves, which is often way less kind than the conversations we have with those around us, is the first step.?
• Become present with yourself - develop your emotional intelligence by learning about your feelings and emotions and what those feelings and emotions might be telling you. Ask yourself: 'What am I feeling right now?' And based on that (use emotions as data): 'What do I choose to do'???
• Reflect daily on what you did really well -?being mostly aware of our shortcomings and mistakes is what we do when we operate from Survival. Looking back on what you did well, however small, will enable your brain to rewire and start noticing value that you add. Again, to change that on the conscious (rather than subconscious, immediate) level, you will need to stick with your habit for at least 66 days.?
• Understand the imperfection of humanity - practice gratitude for what?is right and helpful in your world right now. A study was done on all aspects of the human experience to see what correlates highest with wellbeing. They looked at inspiration, joy, pride, love. It turns out, gratitude has the single highest correlation with wellbeing. What they also found is that gratitude gives you more energy, higher emotional intelligence and you relate to people better as a result. Gratitude makes it also easier to forgive and it helps reduce depression by creating less anxiousness.?So everyday should begin in gratitude, every night should end in gratitude. As you practice it in a conscious way, the levels of reward-based 'happy' hormones such as dopamine will increase.?And it is really easy. Message me to receive the guidance on how to practice gratitude in a way that will really change your wiring.?
• Schedule self care instead of self indulgence - slow down or become really still for a moment, put your hand on your heart and ask yourself: 'What do I need right now?'.?Then?listen to the answer; to understand - not to respond. Follow through with what you heard.
• Take a?self compassion?break - even an hour spent recharging?consciously?will make a difference. Just make sure that whatever you choose to do is a real active recharge for you, rather than activity that could be classified?as high state with a negative emotion linked to it (for some of you this could be eg. going to the gym where body is under even more pressure combined with psychological?pressure that?you?might be putting on yourself). What you want to do is an activity that would come under low state / positive emotion?sector, which for me for example would be reading a novel or cooking a delicious meal.
• Reframe failure - failure is only a failure if we don't learn from it - and don't change as a result. Giving into fear - and with that, programming ourselves for Survival even further - is what real failure is. Instead, face and transform the feeling of shame that you might experience, on the conscious or subconscious level, so that it won't haunt you for the weeks, months and years to come,?dragging?your whole emotional experience of life down with it (which shame can do effectively unless we stop it in its tracks) and try again, using a different strategy.??

"Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings,?self-compassion?means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?"?Dr Kirstin Neff

Much love

Aleksandra?

Ps. Whenever you're ready, here are couple of different ways you can get the mindset to thrive and grow and create career of business that you want - on your terms:??https://theatmanpractice.com/individuals/?