Connection + Affiliation = Smoother Negotiation

All happy negotiations are alike, but every unhappy negotiation is unhappy in its own way. Thank you, Leo, for the inspiration ?? *

In a negotiation, connection and affiliation can make a big difference. If you have a connection with the other party, or if you share some sort of affiliation, it can be much easier to come to an agreement.

Of course, this isn’t always possible, but if you can find some way to connect with the other person, it can help the negotiation process go more smoothly.

The human factor is key to a successful negotiation.

The article has its focus on connection and affiliation as it affects negotiations. It will describe how to use these social factors to create an atmosphere that is more conducive to negotiating, and how they affect the outcomes of a negotiation in general.

A negotiation is a formal dialogue between two, or more parties, aimed at reaching an agreement. One key to a successful negotiation is effective communication.

Each party should clearly state their objectives and be willing to compromise to reach a mutually beneficial outcome.

The best way to prepare for a negotiation is to do your homework. Know what you want to achieve and what you are willing to concede. Be prepared also to discuss the interests of each party and be open to creative solutions that address the needs of all involved. The ideal goal is to find a win-win solution that leaves everyone satisfied .

In order to be an effective negotiator, it is important to establish a connection and sense of affiliation with the other party. This can be done by finding common ground, showing interest in them, and building rapport. When you have a connection with the other person, they are more likely to trust you and be open to your suggestions. By affiliating with a counterpart, you are more likely to be seen as an ally rather than an adversary.

WHY ARE HUMANS SO DESPERATE FOR CONNECTION?

The need for unity is something that many people throughout history have felt. It is a natural human desire to want to feel connected to others and to feel like we are part of something bigger than ourselves. We can see this desire for unity in the way we form families, communities, and even countries.

There are many benefits to feeling united with others; we feel supported, loved, and less alone. We also tend to be more cooperative and helpful towards those who are part of our group. This sense of unity can help us achieve things that we could not achieve on our own.

However, there can also be downsides to unity. When we are too focused on unity, we can start to see those who are not part of our group as outsiders or enemies. We may also become close-minded and resistant to new ideas. It is important to find a balance between the need for unity and the need for individualism.

In her paper for the Foundation for Global Collaboration and Peace, author Amanda Scherker wrote in 2010: “Social scientists have long recognised that within less than a second of observation, the human mind systematically catalogues a new acquaintance by race, ethnicity, gender, and age. This vestige of man’s primitive ancestry originally served as a defines mechanism, and a means of identifying potentially predatory outsiders.”.

This means that prejudice still plays a big role in our lives, and as a result, in our negotiations, too.

“The human mind must think with the aid of categories. Once formed, categories are the basis for normal prejudgment. We cannot possibly avoid this process. Orderly living depends on it.” said Gordon Allport in The Nature of Prejudice.

Robert Kurzban, John Tooby, and Leda Cosmides explain: “The simple act of categorising individuals into two social groups predisposes humans to discriminate in favour of their in-group and against the out-group in both allocation of resources and evaluation of conduct.”

When people sit at the negotiation table, thinking they belong to the same group, they are more likely to reach an agreement.

I remember an experiment that Princeton University’s psychology professor Susan Fiske and her team led a few years ago.

They showed a group of white participants a set of photos, some of which showed faces of white people, and others of black people.

When shown white faces, the participants’ amygdala did not react, while it sent a warning signal when black faces appeared.

The amygdala is that part of the brain designed to detect a threat, and this is just what it did. It put the black people into the “them” group.

However, the experiment didn’t stop there.

The team of psychologist asked the participants to guess which vegetables would the various black individuals prefer. Carrots or broccoli? When engaged in such exercise, which forced them to look at those people in the pictures no longer as part of a social group, but as human beings, the participant’s amygdala stopped sending alarm signals.

WHAT TO DO?

There are many ways to connect with another human being. Some are more effective than others, and all of them are worth your consideration.

The first one I suggest is listening . The more you give the other person the impression you are genuinely interested in understanding them, the quicker you’ll find a reason to connect.

Common interests also help create strong bonds between people. Music, art, sport, food, traditions, religion, readings, family. Some people changed their attitude towards the counterpart when they found out they attended the same school. In the Middle East, where I am sitting now, more deals were signed on a napkin during an opulent dinner, rather than in a formal meeting at the office .

You can also build strong affiliation upon shared values. I’ve seen two negotiators overcome a series of differences when they both labelled themselves as pragmatic, rather than principled.

I’ve also seen small gestures of generosity break otherwise unsurmountable barriers. You can either make a minimal concession at the beginning of a negotiation to show the counterpart you care about them, and you can also ask for a small favour. Putting yourself in a position of (small) debt allows your counterpart to see themselves as generous and understanding. A trait they are likely to maintain throughout the negotiation.

CONCLUSIONS

Remember to always try to separate the differences that may arise in a negotiation from the person in front of you. You may not like how they think, and what they ask for, and yet, deep diving, you may find something to turn an enemy into an ally.

Curiosity, an open-mind and a good dose of intellectual generosity will help you build a connection even with the most challenging counterpart.

To your success!

Carlo Pignataro

* Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. It is the first sentence of Leo Tolstoy ’s novel Anna Karenina

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