CONNECTING WITH YOUNG PEOPLE

CONNECTING WITH YOUNG PEOPLE

No regrets, no looking back

A lunch meet-up today inspired me to write about this topic as our conversations would always navigate towards our children despite starting off with leadership, food and what’s keeping us busy lately.

After spending more than a decade lecturing in a post-secondary institution, I’ve realized that there are some unique ways to connect with them.?Call them teenagers, youths, young adults or younger generation, being with this group of people has really been the source of motivation in the work that I do – no regrets, no looking back.

(1)???Build not only rapport but trust. Bursting the “rapport bubble” is a good way of breaking the ice and getting to know them.?However, what I’ve realized, more so, is the ability to build the trust between us.?Of course, building trust takes time, effort and intentional actions when interacting with young people.?Keeping our words, making them feel important, showing that we care for their well-being and so on, are some ways to build trust.

(2)???Be passively active. ?I often use the analogy of a fishing rod here.?To me, connecting with young people means that I have to be “actively” interested and involved in their lives, and yet not too stifling.?Hence, I use the term “passively active”.?It’s like pulling the fishing rod too tightly, and risk breaking the line under the tension of the rod.

(3)???For the young by the young.?Allow them opportunities to do something for themselves.?I know of a social enterprise that was organized by a team of 20-somethings with the vision of helping young people themselves in choosing the right career in a particular industry.?The CEO himself is currently a student but he and his team are passionately driven to help people of their age group make better choices in their future careers.

(4)???Have eye contact when they speak. I know this is something quite trivial or obvious, however, I’ll always make it a point to let them know that when speaking to me, I’d like to look at them in the eye.?This actually helps them feel that they’re important, and that we’re sincerely and genuinely interested in what they’re saying.?A conversation may go something like this for me, “Oh, wait a minute ______, let me look at you when you’re speaking, so I can understand/hear you better… ” and then turn towards the person, put down whatever I’m doing, and then listen intently.

(5)???Show them, not tell them. ?I’m sure we all know that role modeling is one powerful way to connect with young people.?When we tell them not to use their devices too much, too long, we certainly don’t do it – especially in front of them.?Further, when we say something to them, ensure that the advice/suggestion/idea is not only articulated but also demonstrated.?Young people are frequently watching us, too. Hence, it’s really crucial for us to first “walk the talk”, thereafter, “talk the walk” to them.

(6)???Follow-up regularly.?Somehow when we show that we can remember the things they’ve said to us, and we follow-up on it, they’ll naturally feel that they’re cared for because we’re sincerely interested in their lives.?Remembering specific details such as names, dates, venues, dreams and goals are especially important, too.

(7)???Use metaphors and analogies to explain.?Depending on topics discussed, I often find ways to break things down either visually or aurally. Young people spend a lot of time on social media.?Their heightened senses of hearing and sight are important in the way they learn things these days.?Metaphors or analogies cut down unnecessary time explaining and getting to the point.?Generally, they’re able to pick things up and form their own conclusions readily, as they typically don’t enjoy listening to lengthy conversations and explanations.

(8)???Forgive and forget.?Bringing up things of the past, and then talking about it, especially their mistakes and lapses are definitely not the best ways to connect with them.?Since they’re young and growing up, there’ll always be instances when they’ll disappoint us or themselves.?Repeating their errors, wrong choices and hurtful experiences will not only bring them down further but also not help them get better.?Instead, highlight things that they’ve done well, or have improved recently, and somehow this will not only motivate them to do more of what works but also help them discover their strengths.

(9) Have a common interest. It certainly helps when there's a common topic. I find things like sports, music, gaming and even cooking are good starting points of discussion and getting to know each other better. Don't be surprise when youths share that they enjoy "old school" topics, too such as choices of music and movies. My dear son is one such person. He enjoys music and films of the 80s/90s like "Aha" and "Back to the Future" respectively!

(10) It's all about partnership. As a coach, I find the "coaching language" really helpful when connecting with youths. It helps to break the hierarchy that they're so used to at home, school and at the workplace. Using phrases such as, "Is that ok with you?", "How does this sound to you?", "May I continue?", "If I may use this term ....?", "With your permission, may I offer my views?", "What do you think?" and so on.

So, here are some of my perspectives when connecting with young people.

Why not share some of yours, too?

Call them teenagers, youths, young adults or younger generation, being with this group of people has really been the source of motivation in the work that I do – no regrets, no looking back.