Connecting with others: lesson from No-Drama Discipline
Recently, I actually read a physical book. If you know me, than you often hear me talk about reading a ton of audiobooks during my walks at 4 am. But for once I actually stopped to read a physical book. My wife bought me, No-Drama Discipline by Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson. While reading this book, I kept a pencil and highlighter in my lap to mark it up for future reference. By the end of reading it, I decided there is ONE major point that is the general theme of this book. Connect. This theme is so powerful that without it, the rest of the lessons do not make any sense.
There are three lessons you should know about Connecting. The simplicity of the adult to child connection, the similarity to the adult to adult connection and finally the emotional calmness that comes from within once you have made the Connection.
Starting with the adult to child connection. As parents know, children, especially young children, don't know how to control their emotions. When they do get out of control, or over the top, then need help more than ever to bring them back to center. No amount of time-outs or lectures is going to help. They need someone to Connect with them. Using lessons from the book, that connection could be telling then, "I know, buddy" when they are hurt or dad, or a hug when they feeling overwhelmed. The biggest point of connecting with a child as they are having trouble with their emotions, is for them to know that you are there for them and they are not alone. But does this only work for children? I don't think so.
This lesson doesn't not only apply to parents helping kids, this also applies to adults connecting to each other. Especially during these COVID-19 times, we can feel so disconnected from others that we have a mental breakdown. By connecting (and listening) to other adults during your day to day, you can help bring them back to center as well. Sometimes other people only need someone to listen for 20 minutes. They don't expect you to solve their problems, they just want to feel Connected. From my own personal experience, I recently had a friend come to me to tell me about a small mistake she made. After listening to her, I told I understood and I've done similar things. None of us are perfect, we just have to admit our mistakes and move on. This leads to the third point for you to take from this. Calmness.
By Connecting with others, you are not only helping them, but you are also bringing calmness to yourself. Going back to the story of my friend coming to me with her mistake; I felt better after being so open with her about my own mistakes, that for the rest of my day, I was calmer for it. When we are able to Connect with our child and bring their emotions down, it not only helps them feel more centered, but it brings the emotions of the parent down as well.
Connecting is a two-way street, by being the bigger person for others, you are also helping yourself.
I have a challenge for you. During your day today, Connect with someone. You may not be perfect the first time, but that's okay. It is a skill to learn. Then tomorrow, do it again with someone else. Connect Daily.
As a reminder, the overall theme of the book, No-Drama Discipline, is Connect. All of the other important lessons that parents can take from this book, starts with this. Connect with your kids, other adults in your life and you will find yourself feeling calmer.
You will find your life in calmer water by Connecting with others.