Connecting with Nell Derick Debevoise

How have relationships influenced your professional development and leadership style?

In so many ways. As a coach, facilitator, advisor, writer, and lifelong learner, my most distinctive take on relationships is the power of peer learning. I have always sought out peer groups, formal or informal, of other people facing similar challenges, or different challenges with similar values, as a source of advice, support, solidarity, and accountability. Because these groups have been so transformational for me, I have built peer learning into the ways I serve clients, and even my speaking. I know, from research and experience, that we learn best when we engage with the material at hand and apply it to our own lives. There's no more rewarding or effective way to do that than by sharing challenges, insights, hopes, fears, and needs with other people. In turn, these engaged, developmental, growth conversations give rise to deep, authentic, mutually beneficial, and lasting relationships.?

Do you have any tips for maintaining and building strong relationships?

Build relationships based on shared action. If you do things together, you establish shared experiences and memories that endure, regardless of your location, stage in life, or job role. For introverts like me, it's also far more appealing to connect over a task, challenge, or practical context, rather than starting with small talk or casual conversation. To get to this shared action, it can actually help to be?more transactional. Per Susan's second step of 'ask' - it's powerful to ask clearly for what you need, as that often leads to collaborating somehow with the other person to meet your needs, which deepens your bond.

As well of course as asking what others need, want, and dream of, which is why curiosity is also key. We're all changing all the time - if you meet people as the people they were last time you interacted, you're probably out of date. Especially with those 'weaker ties' that are so powerful for professional advancement, and in this rapidly changing world, you might've missed a chapter. Never assume that someone still identifies as they used to - ask about what they're up to, how they're feeling, what's on their mind and you might be surprised by what comes up.

How have you intentionally built inclusiveness into your circles?

Again - curiosity helps here. When I ask what people really care about, why they're in a certain?room (virtual or physical), what they're scared of or excited about, it's easy to connect regardless of demographic or identity factors that might bring us together more superficially. Of course, it's also important to take an active approach to learning about unconscious and conscious bias; institutionalized racism; history, wisdom, and challenges of other cultures globally. And I have worked to intentionally 'diversify my feed,' following people of different races, genders, and industries in terms of social media, podcasts, newsletters, and books. I could probably do better about doing the same when it comes to political views.

What community or communities are you proud to be a part of?

I am passionate about the potential - indeed, the need - for business to have a positive impact on our society and environment. As a result, my companies have been certified B Corps since 2013. Now, I serve on the board of B Local Connecticut , the umbrella organization in our state for leaders and community members who share this belief in business as a force for good. I am also proud to be part of the B Corp community around the US and globally, as well as Conscious Capitalism . I am an investor in Tidal River CT , a peer-run, woman-led fund that invests in minority founders. Finally, I am a card-carrying member of the ICF , and grateful for their role in elevating the coaching profession globally.??

Who's a Connector that's made a difference in your life?

Hani Masri was the Founder of Tomorrow's Youth Organization , the not-for-profit that I helped to establish in the Middle East. A Palestinian American businessman, he was deeply involved in President Clinton's efforts to build economic ties during the Oslo Peace Process. He was not only a connector of people, across political divides, industries, geographies, and generations, but also of ideas. His pragmatic, human, fun-loving approach to life and work left an indelible mark on how I see the world and how I have navigated my career and relationships since we met in 2006.

It's an honor to feature inspiring change-makers across industries who share their stories and words of wisdom about how to build meaningful relationships. Catch up on #CONNECTED with our previous guests, including Farah Mohamed , Lisa Witter , Farnoosh Torabi , and more!

Susan McPherson is a serial connector, seasoned communicator and founder and CEO of McPherson Strategies , a communications consultancy focused on the intersection of brands and social impact. She is the author of The Lost Art of Connecting: The Gather, Ask, Do Method for Building Meaningful Relationships.

Follow Susan on LinkedIn , Twitter and Instagram and order her new book, The Lost Art of Connecting , also available on Kindle and Audiobook.