Connecting with Lisa M. Shalett

How have relationships influenced your professional development and leadership style?

I’m going to share a few life experiences that have shaped how I think about relationships, which in turn have influenced my leadership style:

When I was 15 years old, I had the opportunity to go to Japan and do a homestay with a Japanese family. I spoke no Japanese at the time, and they spoke no English – that summer we all got really good at charades. As I started to learn some Japanese, I discovered that it is a language (and culture) with tremendous sensitivity to relationships; you use different words, suffixes and levels of familiarity, and even spatially, how low to bow, depending on an assessment of who you were talking with and your relationship with them. This taught me a consciousness about the importance of self-awareness in relationships that has stayed with me ever since. In addition, in Japan I experienced some of the most memorable, simple kindnesses, such as when someone would stop what they were doing and very patiently and happily help me, a stranger and a foreigner, when I was lost – and I learned that small acts of kindness are so powerful, and are a way to invest in relationships. I keep these experiences with me all the time, to this day, in how I lead, evaluate leaders, and coach others to lead.

That cross-cultural experience, and subsequent ones, also taught me to value other people’s perspectives. I began the summer asking why do the Japanese take off their shoes as they enter the house, and ended the summer realizing the question also could be, why don’t we. As a result, I am a relentless seeker of perspectives – I love meeting people, and trying to understand their lens on the world or in a given situation, and I always learn something when I do. That has made me a smarter and more empathetic leader. I especially value reverse mentorship, and have learned so much from relationships where I’m supposedly the mentor, but end up being mentored by my mentee.

When I joined Goldman Sachs, one of the first things I learned was 'treat your colleagues like clients.' It really stuck with me. It was such a great framing, and encouraged me to build close relationships with colleagues, regardless of their title, level or business area. Just like with my clients, I would think, how can I be helpful to this colleague, how can I add value, what do I know that can make them even smarter or more effective for their clients – and that motivated me to be really creative about ways I could be a good colleague, make a difference, stay in touch with people I met, and build strong relationships. Ultimately, those relationships were what helped me to earn trust, be more successful with my own clients, gain more responsibilities over time, and enabled me to be seen as a leader by others.

Do you have any tips for maintaining and building strong relationships?

Yes! I think a lot about mindset, energy, intentionality, and superpowers.

Mindset – bring a growth mindset to every encounter; see interactions as a way to learn; be curious.

Energy – bring positive energy! Especially over the past several years of the pandemic, one of the few things we’ve been able to control has been our attitude. Can’t you tell when people give energy vs. suck it out of the room/zoom? If you bring the sunshine – and doing so authentically comes from the mindset point above – then you bring out the best in people, and in turn they want to cheer for your success.

Intentionality – there are always so many things fighting for our attention; it’s so easy to pull out our phones and lose track of time. Being present when you’re with people, giving them the gift of your attention, really listening to what they say, and listening for ways you can be helpful and stay in touch after the conversation, is what strong relationships are made of. I recently learned something important from my son about intentional listening. He said that often I listen for things I can help fix. While that can be helpful, sometimes he wants me to just listen rather than listen to fix – the presence of my listening is meaningful enough. So now when we talk I might ask him, what mode does he want me in, and it has helped our relationship greatly. Another part of intentionality is keeping your word, having high integrity, and earning trust.

Superpowers – knowing what your superpowers are, and thinking how you can use them to be helpful to others. During my career at Goldman Sachs, I mentored a lot of women who were early in their career, and they would dread networking – yet making an effort to meet people across the firm would be so beneficial to their own development and effectiveness. I would coach them to remember that when they would meet with people, there was always an insight that they could bring that could help the other person, and that it wasn’t a one way meeting with them taking and the other person giving. That would give them the confidence to build relationships, make connections, and be seen for the value they could add.

How have you intentionally built inclusiveness into your circles?

We all know how it feels to not feel included. Not feel seen, or heard. Made to feel small or unimportant. I have made it kind of a mission to do what I can to help people feel included. It really starts with respect and empathy, and with intentionality. I try to design for inclusion – and look for presence, but also absence – what/who is missing. I notice, I listen, I try to create safe spaces, I am inclusive in asking for help in doing this. I set the tone that there is no such thing as a stupid question. I have been really inspired by the work of Amy Edmondson on psychological safety, and Frances Frei, who teaches that it’s not enough to make people feel safe; you additionally need to make them feel welcomed, celebrated, and cherished. I spent years in financial services seeing women walk into a room and take a seat along the wall or in the back of the room -- not at the table. I would ask them to come take a seat at the table, and to promise me that next time they will go right to the table.?

What community or communities are you proud to be a part of?

Without question one urgent need that emerged during the pandemic has been a desire for community. I am fascinated by the power of community! For me, communities have been a source of sanity, energy, diversity, ideas, perspectives, humor, support, and growth. I have been part of two all-women mini-communities that have zoomed together every week since 2020, and have been a true silver lining of the pandemic; a women’s mentorship organization called W.O.M.E.N in America; an amazing community called Generation W; and more generally the Goldman Sachs alumni community. I am tremendously proud of Extraordinary Women on Boards, a dynamic, generous, and awesome community of highly accomplished women who are experienced board directors focused on board excellence. The group convenes regularly to learn together, mine their collective wisdom, identify and share best practices, and bring valuable insights back to their boardrooms. This community has grown completely by word of mouth, and throughout the pandemic to get to meet hundreds of amazingly talented women who are eager to be supportive of one another, has been such a gift.

Who’s a Connector that's made a difference in your life??

I have been very lucky to know a number of amazing connectors and conveners in my life – and through them I have gotten such thoughtful and meaningful introductions, that have helped me learn, grow and develop new friendships. There is such joy that is unlocked in creating and then realizing those connections. Susan, you are an absolute inspiration to me (and to many!) as a brilliant and joyful Connector, and I am so grateful to you for that. I want to highlight the incredible Sanyin Siang as a Connector who has made a difference in my life. Sanyin is the Founding Executive Director of the Fuqua/Coach K Center on Leadership and Ethics at Duke, and an author, investor, advisor, professor, influencer, award-winning Thinkers50 executive coach…and a wonderful, humble, and tremendously generous human being who is trusted, respected and loved. Being a Connector is one of her many superpowers. She creates safe spaces that are diverse, and within them brings people together so that they can share ideas and form lasting relationships. I know that if Sanyin connects me with someone, it will create joy…and often an amazing ripple effect of impact.?

Susan McPherson is a serial connector, seasoned communicator and founder and CEO of?McPherson Strategies, a communications consultancy focused on the intersection of brands and social impact. She is the author of The Lost Art of Connecting: The Gather, Ask, Do Method for Building Meaningful Relationships.?

Follow Susan on?LinkedIn,?Twitter?and?Instagram?and order her new book,?The Lost Art of Connecting, also available on Kindle and Audiobook.