Connecting or collecting?

Let's be honest with each other right from the get go shall we?

How many of you have seen a video from an 'influencer' who says "Reach out! Let's connect!" or the social media experts who discuss having conversations with those you are connecting with, but never actually respond to you?

Many of you I am sure.

Even after engaging positively on their posts, sending them a "Hi! How are you? Let's meet for a cuppa to see how we can best serve humanity together" you still get radio silence.

And then you see them on yet another podcast or live stream espousing the need to "get social on social" when they infact are not that sociable.

I have lost count the amount of people who have reached out to me and been surprised that they actually get a message back, and get to have a conversation with me rather than a bot or a clueless VA who responds with the latest offer or a 'not bothered about you unless you are buying' comment or generic 'thanks for commenting' comment.

Over the past couple of decades in business I have been to, and run, more than my fair share of networking events. I even had a networking business back in the UK where my team and I held over 4 meetings every week, with over 20 locations across the country - with all the meetings available to any of the members throughout the UK.

There was no limit to how many events you could attend, and you were not limited to just one region either. We encouraged collaborations with people in the same line of business and many of those who I networked with over twenty years ago are still in my personal network.

One of the challenges we face as we grow our network is not being able to respond and engage with everyone in it. With the amount of work we have to do working on our business, as well as in it, there are never enough hours in the day or year to connect with all those in your network if you have 10,000's on your 'list'.

People get left behind, unless they choose to rise and engage with us.

When we rise in our success, many people become so intimidated by our success they end up feeling unworthy of being in our space, so when we ignore them - after we have asked them to connect with us, or we have accepted a connection request - it just compounds their feelings of insecurity.

We, of course, are not responsible for the feelings of insecurity others feel, nor are we responsible for them digging deep and overcoming feelings of inadequacy, but we are responsible for the interactions and the messages that come from our own mouth.

Are we simply collecting people like stamps and china tea cups? Or are we actually wanting to grow a strong and trusted network?

Because let's face it, if those in our network are not feeling valued or seen, the likelihood of them investing in any of our products or services is highly unlikley. Although that said, as an author, many of my readers I have never met, heard from, or had a conversation with.

Some have reached out to me personally and when I have responded to them, again they are in total disbelief that 'some one like me' has taken the time to respond. Admittedly, it takes a while to get around to everyone, but I do my best to make sure I connect with my readers and those in my network.

Whilst living in Oxford back in the late 1990's, I attended a business event with Simon Woodroffe, founder of 'Yo Sushi' and a former 'Dragon' on the initial series of Dragon's Den. One of the things we discussed was the arrogance of a lot of those who 'had made it' and the lack of humilty they had for those still climbing the ladder to success.

To use his words "It pisses me off Dawn to be honest with you, especially now I have become 'that someone' and I know the struggles I went through to getting to where I am - I mean look at me, rough around the edges and not your typical business leader am I?"

And he was right, he was a bit rough around the edges for most investors; and because neither of us took ourselves too seriously, were a bit too cheeky and playful and loved the world of underground music - just in different genres, our lack of cookie cutter presentation of self meant those who had a broom up their backsides and looked down their noses at anything but the typical corporate type, shied away from both of us - until we were the ones standing on the stage in front of them presenting.

Both Simon and I had decided we were going to make our visions work come hell or high water, and we were going to stay true to ourselves without conforming to anything that didn't sit well with us.

Simon went on to sell a large share in his business, and has retained a 1% royalty in all future profits. I went on to have another child, move to Egypt just in time for the Uprising - getting more of an adventure than I bargained for - before starting to write book after book after book, and create various author courses, coaching services and develop a boutique publishing house focusing solely on human rights, social justice and social change.

We are still the same down to earth people who are approachable to others back then, and our brooms are safely in the outhouse where they belong, rather than being stuck up our backsides and dismissing people who we might have otherwise deemed to be 'beneath us'.

I don't know about you, but some of these 'influencers' and social media 'experts' could take a lesson in humility and realise that it may be one hell of a great ride at the top, but there is always a possibility that there may be a ride back to the bottom, and it may be a lot sharper and painful than they ever thought possible.

The business world is full of stories of how 'friends' disappear as quickly as the money does when we experience a failed business venture. A lesson I learnt from a homeless man when I was just 18 years of age.

I had seen him on the streets and each day that feeling of 'knowing him from somewhere' kept knawing at me.

He had built a hugely succesful business, choosing to work every hour known to man to make sure his family had everything they wanted, only to arrive home early one afternoon to surprise his wife with a bunch of flowers and his new strategy to have more family time.

Little did he know he was going to find her in bed with his best friend, which led to one bad business decision in his grief and confusion at losing the family he had built everything for.

Losing one large client put the rumour mill into full speed and clients bailed one after the other. He lost everything - including the so called friends he had made on the way to the top - the ones who only wanted to be surrounded by 'friends with money and success'.

Lessons like these are all around us, and ones I remember daily. Being in business is a blessing, and as one of the quotes I heard recently stated:

"Work is the one thing you can count on. Everything else is fragile".

The reason I knew I knew this homeless guy was because I had seen his face in many newspaper features and on the regional TV channels before his life was torn apart.

One of the other lessons I've learnt over the last 20 plus years of being in business is it is not always the people with the prestige and success who will support you and cheer you on, or make the biggest referrals. They often come from those overlooked by the 'influencers' and 'social media experts'.

So isn't it about time we all started connecting properly rather than just collecting contacts like stamps and playing what I used to call 'business card snap'?

If you are in my network and I haven't gotten around to having a proper conversation with you yet, please give me a nudge and let's have that conversation. Let's see how we can support each other, cheer each other on, possibly collaborate, going out into the world making a positive and powerful difference in the world together, because I am a connecter, not a collector.

The only question is, which one are you?