Connectedness makes everything possible

My opening keynote at Stockholm Philanthropy Symposium – Other speakers will address with great wisdom myriad specifics on philanthropy, impact investing, corporate responsibility, social innovations, digital platforms, partnerships, gender equity and more. So, to start, I’ll share a meta framework about what I call connectedness because I believe it’s at the core of all those topics and, actually, everything.

First, please turn to someone near who you don’t already know and introduce yourselves. Take a minute max each so the two introductions will take two minutes max. Go ahead! [participants interact] How many of you basically shared your name, where you’re from and what you do? That’s kind of like the military code of conduct for captured prisoners of war: just give your “name, rank and serial number” right? You’ve just revealed the most minimal amount of information about yourself possible. How do you feel now? Do you really know this new person? Do they really know you?

So now take a deep breath and go inside. Let yourself think about and feel who you really are. In this moment what brings you the greatest joy? What makes you the saddest? What excites, intrigues or infuriates you? Reflect quietly for a moment: you know what’s going on inside. Now, staying connected to what you just revealed to yourself, turn back to that same person as if you’d never met and introduce yourselves again. Take same one minute each, two mins max total. [participants interact again]

What happened that time? Raise your hands if it was something else entirely. Yeah, what a difference two minutes can make, depending on how you use them! Raise your hands if you feel more present, more grounded, more in your authenticity. Oh, and do you feel like you know the other person any more deeply than you did before? Those two introductions are like the difference between open and closed questions: when you ask someone “can you do that job?” the only answer is: yes or no. It’s like you’ve closed a door and limit the amount of information you’ll get from them (or give to them).

If instead you ask “how (or why) are you planning to do that job,” rather than a closed door, you open a door to the possibility of a real interaction where both of you actually might learn something through an invitation to a more complete dialogue. Voila: connectedness! Same thing with every introduction, every time you show up: you can do it in a closed way; you put yourself up in a nicely wrapped, closed box, neatly tied with a ribbon and you walk away from an introduction with a business card and an intent to network but not much more.

Just that added degree of a fuller disclosure opens the door to endless possibilities. Yes, it’s got more risks because you become a bit more vulnerable but the rewards can be boundless. Showing up with your whole self and trying to learn about the whole self of anyone you interact with is at the core of “connectedness” (i.e. connected to yourself self and other).

I love that the organizers of this symposium have given us a lot of time to interact with each other in between sessions. And I encourage you when you meet anyone else to stay in a state of wholeness and connectedness. You could share business cards only with the idea, “how can this person or their organization help me advance my goals?” But you also could have a deeper sense of purpose in that simple interaction, “how might I stay connected with this person? Could they become a life-long friend?”

Many relationships – whether in philanthropy, impact investing, digital interactions, or in any other sphere of endeavor – are largely transactional: we want something from each other. We talk. We negotiate. We make a deal. The giver feels good. The recipient is grateful. Something positive comes out of the arrangement. There is nothing wrong or bad about that. But maybe there’s a more profound way to give and receive that comes from communication that is relational rather than transactional: dealings with each other that are based on our humanity and our very purpose, not just our goals.

We are a refreshingly diverse group of leaders in philanthropy, non-profit organizations, businesses and government. Each of you is doing very important work. I hope these ideas of connectedness will make your work stronger, broader, and more effective through enhanced holistic relationships, closer connections. I also hope those deeper connections will help you see past the darkness of our current times and have a stronger commitment to keep hope alive by creating greater light.

History tells us that in some instances, ancient humans, the cave dwellers, would literally die of fright at the sight of an eclipse. Having no concept of what an eclipse was, imagine how terrifying it must have been to see the sun –also a mystery for them – reduced to a massive black circle surrounded by a narrow ring of fire. It must have felt like the end of the world!

Today could be called a time of eclipse-level fear with its stunning, often overwhelming problems – divisive populism, human migration, climate change, abject poverty, starvation, terrorism, environmental degradation, gender and racial inequity, ways in which technology and social media are manipulated to create hatred and violence: you know the list.

Many people all over the world are really freaked out. For myriad reasons, people are not only frightened, they’re angry, they’re sad, they feel hopeless, helpless and that everything is out of control. Some of you, despite your extremely important efforts, may feel some of this too.

I certainly have my moments like that: but I challenge them with unabashed optimism – not because I’m braver than most people, but because I know from my own experience that what the great Margaret Mead said is true: “never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” My good friend Archbishop Emeritus Desmond Tutu echoed that sentiment when he said: “do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.” Those are the words of a Nobel Peace Prize laureate.

The South African concept Ubuntu that he espouses, “I am a person through my relationships with other people,” supports a more integrated state of presence to each other. I also know that the process of effecting change cannot be compared to the sole struggle of a marathon. But rather, it is the continuous, unified effort of a relay race. We do what we can, then pass the torch. Spread the light. The Star Wars franchise is so wildly popular throughout the world because people understand (even if only unconsciously) that they always have a choice to advance and amplify either darkness or light.

I choose to light the proverbial candle rather than curse the darkness. I wish I could live to see the complete fruition of all the social issues I care about, but, even while I most likely will not, I have a sacred obligation to carry the torch forward and do my best to have significant impact while I’m here. No, I didn’t change the world fully, as I believed I would when I began my activism in the early 1960s. But, i have, and will continue to, do my part in the long relay race for a more just, equitable and peaceful world – and connectedness in every sense has been my guide.

Connectedness is not just an assortment of processes; it is a philosophy, a way of seeing the world. It’s recognizing that we can do what we do now because of others who advanced social progress before us; and that others who follow us will be able to do even more because of what we do during our lifetimes. Connectedness is a belief in the power, importance and results of compassion, unity, empathy, fairness, acceptance of human differences, and the capacity to examine and expand one’s sense of identity. It’s believing that all living creatures and the planet itself – very much a living thing – are truly connected in the most fundamental way.

Not necessarily in a religious sense, or some hippie-dippy-kumbaya idealism, but in an actual, factual, physical, emotional, and systematic way – from our smartphones to our shared DNA. To return to the eclipse: that glowing ring of fire is the light, the light we must focus on until the moon moves along and daylight shines again. And in the 21st century, daylight is not just about what we do, it’s about who we are – within ourselves and with each other.

My lifelong hero, the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “everyone must decide whether he /she will walk in the creative light of altruism or the darkness of destructive selfishness. This is the judgement. Life’s persistent and most urgent question is ‘what are you doing for others?’”

As all of you know, the cause of the many needs each of your institutions addresses has many aspects, and the solution for filling those needs has many aspects as well. Connectedness, based on genuine relationships, enable you to fulfill your purpose with the greatest impact. The most enlightened – and i assume you are one – know that filling a need never is a “gift”; it’s always a partnership. The so-called “beneficiary” has as much, if not more, knowledge than the so-called “giver” about how to solve their problems. When, as true partners, we are open to and apply the insights of those we seek to serve our impact always is far more successful.

So, we are wise to collaborate with mutual respect with those we believe we’re helping. And that applies to every stage of our interactions. For example, philanthropy scholar James Allen Smith warned that, “modern grant seeking processes can be as drawn out and humiliating as anything faced by a poor person pleading for assistance in antiquity.”

Connectedness in action eliminates that horrible dynamic or the disturbing, non-productive power imbalance of “noblesse oblige.” We are one human family and we are absolutely, inextricably inter-connected with each other. In our efforts to assist others we must engage with them fully, respectfully, and in what I call a sacred state of connectedness. Mother Teresa got to the heart of that message when she said: “it’s not how much we give, but how much love we put into giving.” In the final analysis, connectedness is about love – loving ourselves and each other, and interacting in that spirit with everyone, whatever their status.

When we act like that – as humans who become more human through loving connectedness to other humans – we increase our ability to have far more powerful impact in whatever way we each try to improve the world. I know all of you are doing extraordinary things in different ways to make the world better. I urge you to do so in a state of true connectedness to others from your core to their core. See where it brings you and who may become, starting from when we walk out of this session and continuing for as long as you want to have a profoundly deeper journey….

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