To Connect or Not? Start with Trust

Author: Keith Stopforth - Changing Lives

Our brains are continually checking, "am I safe?"?

Perhaps you will have heard of the term fight or flight. Since we started to roam the planet, it's a basic human instinct that has kept us safe from predators. ?

Our brain is always on the lookout; if we feel safe, this can trigger a brain response that releases chemicals to calm us down and think rationally. However, when humans feel threatened, the FFF Flight-Freeze-Fight occurs, ensuring that the adrenalin kicks in and we run for our lives.

Thankfully life isn't so primitive now! But I'm sure we have all been in social situations when we mentally consider how we respond to someone we have just met. Should we make our excuses or stick around a little longer in case we just happen to hit it off?

What we are trying to do is establish Trust, seeking to identify if we can Trust the person, what value this might give both of us and ultimately if there is shared value in connecting?

The Trust Equation ( Charles Green, 2000), explores this in more detail.

Green argued that Trust consists of Reliability, Credibility, and Intimacy. The third of these, Intimacy, is about how people read us, perhaps from a distance, by our actions, expressions, voice tone and responses. I often find myself momentarily tuning in to a new person in a social circle before I decide to spend more time with them or engage in conversation.

Green also talks about what can destroy Trust, which is an orientation to self or Self- Expression. This is when a person operates in their own self-interest. We may have Reliability, Credibility and people can read us, but our actions can often translate differently. That's when people disengage or choose not to even connect because of what we are projecting.

Leaders are involved in many daily interactions, both within their organisations and their wider networks, where Trust is critical to shaping and delivering a shared goal.????

Are we aware, as leaders, that we are being perceived in a way that is disengaging??

In our role as leaders, we have to connect with the people we lead otherwise, how will we truly get to know the person, their likes and dislikes, their motivators, their strengths, and what inspires them?

Think about your own Trust Equation – what are you projecting?

How can people get to know you (Intimacy) and when do you project self-interest over the needs of others?

Doing a 360 Exercise can help us understand how others experience us as leaders and grow our self-awareness.

Is it time to build that into your development to truly understand if people are choosing to connect with you?

Could you focus more on building Trust as a central part of how you lead?

What experiences could you share?