Connect First, Speak Second

"Tariq" was next on the list to give a presentation at my day-long training. He was nervous but excited. As soon as his feet hit the podium, he began to speak, spitting out a barrage of words. Within thirty seconds, he was gasping for breath. And we, the audience, were struggling to keep up and connect with him.

I stopped him in mid-sentence.

“Tariq,” I said, “I want you to stand in silence for a moment so you can get your adrenaline under control. Quietly observe the emotions you’re experiencing. Ground yourself by feeling the floor under your feet. Inhale …exhale. Bring your breath into your belly. Good. Now,” I continued, “I want you find one person in the audience, and look them in the eye. When you feel you’re genuinely connecting, eyeball to eyeball, heart to heart, then begin to speak. Connect first. Speak second. That’s the rule.”

Don't Let Adrenaline Ambush You

As Tariq discovered, when you step onto the podium and don't take the time to ground yourself, a rush of adrenaline can cause you to go into hyper-drive. Your heart pounds faster. You breathe faster. And you talk faster--often to avoid the discomfort of standing in silence with all eyes on you. When you start talking from the instant you hit the stage, you neglect an important step: Connecting-- with both yourself and your audience. You wouldn’t throw a ball at someone without making sure they were ready to catch it. Why, then, would you start to speak without first establishing connection with your audience? So connect first! Speak second!

Practice Makes Habit

To break the habit of launching into speaking before grounding yourself and connecting with others, practice. Today, when you enter into a conversation with someone, whether kicking off a meeting or pitching to a small group, choose to connect first, and speak second. Before you utter a word, take a deep breath and look the person you intend to talk to in the eye. If speaking to a small group, find someone who looks receptive and friendly, and connect with them first, with your eyes and heart. See how it feels to establish a strong non-verbal connection before you speak. Practice this any time you can, as often as you can.

Your best teachers brought a noisy room to attention by standing in silence and meeting your eyes with theirs before they uttered a word. They understood the value of connecting first, and speaking second. It’s a powerful tool, and a great way to build a bridge to your audience, creating a more meaningful and powerful experience for both you and them.

Want some support managing your pre-presentation nerves or adrenaline? Let's talk!