Connect better with your clients – beyond NLP representational systems

Drawing on recent psychological theory, it could be argued that NLP representational systems are actually just the tip of an iceberg – part of something much bigger, with much more utility. 

Before I launch into what could be interpreted as a critique, I would like to say that I have a great deal of respect for the art of NLP and use many techniques regularly in my therapy practice. I also teach NLP as part of my hypnotherapy course. So please bear with me! 

Using similar language to clients and emphasising similarity builds rapport. Anecdotally, we all experience this when someone ‘thinks like us’ or someone says something we were also just about to say. I'm not aware of this being scientifically proven. Unfortunately, it is probably impossible to prove or disprove because there are hundreds of variables involved in rapport and they would all have to be controlled in an experiment. So we’re probably left, as often is the case with therapy, discussing it as art, anecdotally, and in relation to its practical usefulness. 

So the idea that similar language helps build rapport will remain a presupposition (assumed to be true) here. 

A core part of neuro-linguistic programming theory is representational systems (or 'rep systems' for short). These cognitive systems, it is claimed, are formed around our senses. The rep systems are: visual, auditory, kinaesthetic (internal and external feelings), olfactory (smell) and gustatory (taste). 

One of the most reliable pieces of evidence for these rep systems is said to be 'linguistic predicates'. A person who is accessing their visual rep system will, for example, use language such as 'I see', 'watch out' and 'an eye for an eye'. Someone accessing their auditory rep system might say 'music to my ears', 'stop banging on', or 'I hear what you are saying'. The kinaesthetic rep system might result in 'get in touch' or 'hands on approach'. Likewise for the olfactory rep system e.g. 'come up smelling of roses' or 'I can smell a rat', and gustatory rep system e.g. 'taste of success' or 'it left a bitter taste in my mouth'. 

NLP practitioners argue that we can use rep systems to build rapport and/or influence people, for example in therapy, education or business. 

Linguistic predicates may well be interesting, even beguiling, but that doesn't make so-called representational systems real, or useful theoretical constructs. There is a much more magical and useful story to tell if we use the insights of social constructionism (see Burr, 2003, Introduction to Social Constructionism). 

The sensory talk of clients highlighted by NLP is just a small part of something much bigger – ‘discourses’. Social constructionism and discourses are quite complex areas but it will suffice here to think of discourses as recurrent patterns and repertoires of speech. As well as using discourses based around the senses, our clients will use many other discourses. 

As a non-scientific research project, my partner & colleague Paul Peace, and I analysed client talk for a year, with a keen interest in language use. We did indeed hear the sensory language highlighted by NLP here and there. It is present in some of the examples given below. However, it does not appear all that frequently. Many a freshly trained NLP practitioner will know the feeling of not being able to routinely rehearse matching of sensory talk because there simply is not enough of it. 

This doesn’t mean it doesn’t work, simply that there isn’t much to work with. Below, is an exploration of 5 examples of client discourses which we found to be just as pervasive and useful for rapport building as the 5 sensory ones in NLP. There are many, many more. We also offer some examples of how a therapist/counsellor might synchronise their own use of the discourses to build rapport and initiate change. 

1. Building: 'it's like talking to a brick wall', 'I want to build bridges with my family', 'castles in the sand', 'keep a roof over our heads'. An NLP practitioner would argue that in response to 'talking to a brick wall' a therapist should recognise the auditory rep system being used and say something like 'that sounds like hard work'. It seems just as reasonable to say instead 'do you have any concrete examples?' What are NLP practitioners going to say in response to 'keep a roof over our heads'? Which sensory rep system does that belong to (unless we make tenuous links)?

 
I will not point out more examples of sensory discourses below as they are easy to spot and subject to the same criticism. The sensory discourses are a partial story and there will always be overlap because discourses are not 'real' categories or brain/mind structures; they are creative analytical units, their validity measured mostly in terms of their real world utility. Other phrases for synchronising the building discourse are: 'we could do some foundational work first', 'new level', 'could you build on this?' and 'paving the way'. Interestingly, therapists like to talk about 'building' rapport - something which no doubt steered our attention towards this discourse. 

2. Gardening: 'throwing stones in glass houses', 'call a spade a spade', 'my brother is as thin as a rake', 'he's leading me up the garden path', 'thorn in my side'. The therapist might use metaphors such as 'sowing the seeds of change, growth, blossoming, bearing fruit and reaping the harvest', 'branching out', 'going back to your roots'.

3. Medicine: 'nearly gave me a heart attack', 'taste of his own medicine', 'painful', 'it makes me sick', 'she drip-feeds me information', 'blood is thicker than water', 'I'd give my right arm' and 'probably give myself a hernia'. The therapist could use words and phrases such as: 'care', 'recover', 'recuperate', 'what does your heart say?', 'developing a thick skin', 'monitor', 'calibrate' and 'injecting humour/enthusiasm', etc.

 4. Railway: 'backtrack', 'fast track', 'railroaded my ideas', 'end of the line', 'signal' and 'tunnel vision'. The therapist might say: 'on the right track' and 'try to enjoy the journey as well as the destination', 'what do you think might be the engine that's driving this problem?', 'light at the end of the tunnel' and 'full steam ahead'.

 5. Religion: 'heaven knows' or 'God knows', 'It's hell', 'it's like there's a devil on one shoulder saying one thing and an angel on the other saying the opposite', and 'confession'. The therapist might talk about 'forgiveness', a 'healing light', treating one's body like a 'temple', 'soul' and 'spirit', 'testament to', 'in service of', 'praise' and 'singing from the same hymn sheet'. As an aside, if you’re not religious and the client isn’t either, it’s fine – it’s only metaphor!

It can't be emphasised enough that these are not examples of representational systems. It is true that our examples could be worked up as evidence of even more rep systems but we would urge NLP practitioners not to rob themselves of the chance to learn something new by shaping new knowledge to fit old boxes. It's doubtful that a proliferation of rep systems would impress most ardent NLP practitioners anyway because they are convinced of the central role of the senses and nervous system in choice of language.

We have not yet seen any explanation in NLP as to why our first access on the world through our 5 senses would necessarily mean we go on to choose language that is sensory based. It seems quite a leap. When the early NLPers worked up the idea of linguistic predicates they could quite easily have chosen a different focus and perhaps conjectured that 'gardening' or 'building' representational systems exist in our heads and guide our language. What NLP has discovered is actually 5 discourses amongst hundreds that routinely appear in the therapy room. Perhaps the NLP originators should have listened to the therapists they modelled a little more closely. Also, interestingly, they modelled excellent therapists such as Milton Erickson and Virginia Satir and excellent academics such as Gregory Bateson rather than modelling clients. If they had, they would have noticed the richness and variety of their talk and the opportunities.

Of course, as well as providing opportunity, there may be times when we avoid synchronising our language with clients. If a client is using negative language we wouldn't want to collude in the name of rapport. As well as avoiding negativity and collusion, we need to maintain our vigilance for the usual concerns of therapy, such as avoiding unrealistic expectations. So, for example, if a client is using the medicine discourse, we could say we will 'diagnose' and 'treat' them but this would be to put rapport building ahead of ethical considerations.

Another variable is that clients sometimes find this synchronisation, especially where it is punning, rather 'cheesy', especially out of trance. It could annoy a client if overused when they have become sensitised to it. This is no different to any other rapport-building, however; whatever the technique, rapport-building is always a balance between sounding interested, emphasising similarity and investing and sounding 'false' or manipulative. As usual, therapy is an improvised and complex dance but having these repertoires at hand and dropping them in here and there can work wonders.

A further reason why these discourses work in building rapport may have been overlooked by NLP. When a therapist uses something they believe in, they autosuggest that they are building rapport. This ‘tool’ gives the therapist additional confidence and this rubs off on the client. The therapist also has to listen intently to match language and it may actually be the listening and effort involved – rather than the discourses (or linguistic predicates in NLP) – that does the good work.

We would urge anyone who is interested to try it out. It does take some practice. This is, perhaps, best done outside of client work. We advise on our trainings that we match language on TV first, with nothing to lose. That way we can fully invest in our clients as it can be distracting until it becomes more natural.

I would love you to share your experiences with us.

Karen is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner, psychology postgraduate, & Principal at the Academy of Advanced Changework. She is also a published author of 'The Advanced Hypnotherapist'.

Her Academy provides  attended Diploma courses in Hypnotherapy & NLP on the Sunshine Coast, Brisbane, Sydney & Melbourne, Australia, and a range of online & distance CPD courses internationally, including an Advanced Diploma in Hypnotherapy course for qualified hypnotherapists and '15 Great Ways to Spice Up Your Post/Hypnotic Suggestions'

Karen works with clients on the Sunshine Coast presenting with a range of issues. She has a special interest in working with weight, smoking, alcohol, anxiety, phobias and confidence.  If your issue is one of the above, call Karen now to book, or to find out more (07) 53 292 293!

Karen is also the Co-Founder of Trade Secrets, an internet marketplace providing same industry business expertise and advice.

Connect with Karen on Facebook & Twitter