Confusion Is the Architecture of Our Suffering

In my webinars and workshops, which are very experiential, I talk about 18 different types of confusion that build the architecture of our suffering. The mark of those confusions is the constant turmoil of speedy thoughts and emotions we experience all day long. It is so pervasive, we may think it’s just the way life is. There doesn’t seem to be any escape from it!

Many people equate confusion with “not knowing.” However, there’s a difference between not knowing and being confused. If you’re thinking, “Where did I leave my keys,” your “not knowing” keeps you looking and recollecting until you find your keys (most of the time).?

But if you’re confused, then you’re in a kind of blind emotional state. You’re not really attentive as you search for those keys. You may think you’re looking for them, but this blinding confusion keeps you mainly focused on expressing your distress, “Where did I put my bleepety-bleep keys? Where the bleep are they?!” And then you reach into your pocket and there they are –– you had them on you the whole time.?

These simple examples of “not knowing” vs. ”being confused.”

Confusion, specifically the 18 Types of Confusion, is the architecture of our suffering. But once you learn to recognize them, you can free yourself from every single one of these confusions.?

How Does Confusion Get Started?

The first step is understanding the word “confusion.” We all use this word, but we rarely examine how it’s useful to really understand and penetrate its meaning.?

You can think of it this way: You have “con” which means “with,” and “fusion” which means “pour together.” So you get a state of confusion anytime you pour things together that don’t belong together.

?For example, we may think we’re relating to one thing, when we’re actually relating to two different things that should be separated. When we do this, we’re relating to fiction, instead of to what’s real. And here’s the kicker: We generally think we’re relating to what is real when actually, most of the time, we’re relating to confusions. We are relating to labels and ideas of things –– not to the things themselves.

Language makes us do this. We have learned to be totally dependent on language –– on concepts. But here’s where the trouble starts. Language is inherently hypnotic. Concepts are hypnotic. Concepts are only suggestions of what’s real, as opposed to being actually real. For example, the concept of an apple is not the reality of an apple. You can’t pick up the word “apple” in your hand and take a juicy bite out of it.?

More importantly, who you think you are –– or who you think someone else is –– is not actually who you are, or who they are. We make many important decisions based on our confused assumptions about ourselves and others, and that causes us to suffer!

We’re addicted to thinking. So much so, that we unconsciously assume that whenever we’re thinking, we’re relating to reality. We completely forget that we’re just relating to concepts of reality.?

This leads us to the question, “What is reality?” Reality is different from concepts about reality. We can never think about reality! We can only think about concepts of reality. But we forget that distinction when our thoughts carry us away. We habitually live in our confused thoughts about reality, all the while assuming that we’re dealing directly with reality itself.?

Getting Creative When Things “Go Wrong”

Most importantly, we have a hypnotic attitude that everything’s permanent, or that we can make things permanently stay the way we want them to be.

We lose the awareness that everything’s changing all the time. We suffer because we believe that everything is permanent, or can be made permanent. We get upset when something changes that we didn’t want to change. Then we think the universe is being unfair to us. We would suffer a lot less if we kept the attitude, “Yes, of course, things change. That’s the way things are” We would learn to roll with the punches, if you will. Because everything is going to change. Everything.

So, what does it mean to “roll with it”? It means you stay in a creative mode. For example, if you lose your job, well, you lost your job, and that’s a fact. But you’re still alive. You still have the capacity to create what’s beneficial moving forward. If you are not in a state of confusion (which commonly leads us to beat ourselves up or complain about others) then you can more easily move forward.?

The most important point is clear and simple –– always do your best. Why not? You’re still alive and intelligent. You can make your best effort!

?It may “feel natural” to complain or object when a relationship ends or you lose your job.?

Instead of remembering to roll with life’s changes, and to be kind and encouraging to ourselves, we think, “I’m not good enough,” or “Things never work out for me,” or “What’s the point?” We take the changing nature of life as proof that all kinds of self-defeating thoughts are true about us. (They’re not.)

Why do we do this? Because we’re confusing the changing nature of life as being evidence of our lack of worth and character. Once we recognize that life’s changes don’t prove there’s something wrong with us, we become resilient. We say “Oh! That job’s not there anymore. But I am! I’m still here, alive, I still have creative possibilities. I’ll just make my best effort, moment by moment. Life is a learning curve.”

Practice looking at past disappointments or losses –– and imagining possible future disappointments –– with this anti-confusion perspective. If you do, I think you will feel more cheerful, day by day.

Good luck!

Copyright, Jack Elias, jackelias.com. Permission to share with attribution.