Confrontation or Calling People Out-Is it the same or different?

Confrontation, or calling people out.

Is it the same or different? ??

This is an interesting subject that has come up for me lately and one that I have delved deeper into ?? ♀?

Here is the meaning of confrontation - a hostile or argumentative situation or meeting between opposing parties. This of course can be the case.

However, I am a person who will face whatever I need to face, if I deem it appropriate and important to me and that includes others. This word confrontation is often misused I am finding.

Why? ??Because many people in my opinion, do not like and cannot manage another person calling them out on their behaviour when what they're doing, or not doing is disturbing another or upsetting them. When they are faced with it and asked, they see this as confrontation, when in fact it's someone else requesting in the first instance that they please temper their behaviour and make a change. The two are worlds ?? apart in my opinion.

For me personally, I have been called a trouble maker in my past and most recently that I'm always complaining. Why and when has this happened? ?? ♀?The former mentioned was when I was in banking many years ago and there was so much bureaucracy and internal politics going on that it was hard to keep up. This had a massive impact on many, including me. The upshot was, that I decided to speak up, especially after a few friends and colleagues wound me up (I realise that years later) and encouraged me to do so. Naively I went ahead, thinking that they would march behind me but on the day, they were nowhere to seen. ??(Another story for another day). That taught me a very valuable lesson indeed and I don't do that anymore, they can speak for themselves, or stop giving me earache. ??

What I had actually done was speak up, not cause trouble. I was the person who spoke the truth about what was happening and how people were feeling, ?? that was it, no trouble there and non intended. Simply put, to voice it, ?? ?? mention the elephant in the room and cut through the crap basically. Something which I think is very much lacking in the world and why it's in such a mess at times.

The second time, only the other day in fact, it was asking a neighbour to please ?? be more mindful about the noise they were making very late at night. Again, a problem for many these days with properties built that aren't well sound proofed or insulated and all so close together, or on top of one another. ?? It was polite and direct and that was it. No trouble and no confrontation at all, just straight forward and face to face. ??????

This is something many people cannot handle and then deflect the issue onto something or someone else, which is exactly what happened, ?and then it bounced back to me, accusing me of complaining.

The truth was, they didn't want to take responsibility, they thought they could do as they pleased regardless of anyone else. They most certainly did not like me going round ?? and putting the issue in front of them, clear and with no non-sense, for them to hear ??and look at.?? It's easier for most people to blame someone, or something else. This is a virus, much like the pandemic which spreads quickly and can have devastating effects, very serious ones. ??

My point is and my personal experience has been, that on many occasions when I've gone to face someone with something, to ask them if they could please do this or that, or not as the case may be, it can turn into a confrontation because they negate it. ??They don't want to hear it and instead of listening and together, ?? finding a middle ground, they turn it back on its head, so they don't have to do anything. Then, it's the other person's fault and bingo, we have a lack of responsibility and the blaming comes in, as well as the name calling. ?? ♀?It's just like school, if not worse, because it's supposed adults. ?? ♂?

This is something I feel very passionate about and which I feel and know impacts many people, world wide I shouldn't wonder. We all have to live but when people bander about the statement, 'live and let live', that's all very well when their way of living is harmful to another and which causes upset and disturbance. ????This needs to change.

How? I believe first and foremost: -

?Take personal responsibility

?Consider that everyone has the right to live well and there is always a solution, for both parties to make some changes

?For world leaders and those in high positions to show a good example of this. Not do as I say, but do as I do. Some of the carry on that happens is a shambles, shameful and an absolute disgrace.

?Stop blaming others or other things, stop, listen and accept that sometimes we all make mistakes, we all get it wrong and we can all improve.

?Don't call people names and spread gossip. It's dangerous, harmful and toxic. This is kids stuff really but needs saying because it continues to happen and escalate. It happens a great deal in organisations too, with bullying in the work place. Get a grip, grow up and behave accordingly. Treat others as you would like to be treated, it's not rocket science.

?If you can't say what you want to say and what you feel to someone's face, or to them personally, don't say it behind their back and think that it's kinder and better. It's not. That energy carries on and once again, it spreads and doesn't resolve anything. Better still, don't say anything at all.

It is due to this that I can imagine ??and understand the pleasure and freedom ?? sometimes, of living on an island, like Tom Hanks in Castaway with Wilson to speak to, or Robinson Crusoe.

Responsibility, kindness, humanity, respect, decency and integrity come to mind. ??????

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