Confront doesn't mean Combat.

"Confront doesn't mean combat. In other words, it leaves the possibility of integrating as a method of meeting difference."?– Mary Parker Follett.

Who is Mary Parker Follett?

Mary Parker Follett was born on September 3rd, 1868. She was a trailblazing management consultant and social worker from the early 1900s and remains a truly influential figure in today's world of management and leadership. She lived during significant social, political, and economic changes. Her era was marked by the aftermath of the Industrial Revolution, where societies grappled with the challenges and transformations of rapid industrialisation and urbanisation.

I am writing this article because I am so fascinated that her teachings still hold such an incredible weight in today's fast-paced, interconnected reality. Her ground-breaking ideas about how people relate to each other, how conflicts can be resolved, and the power of inclusive leadership are like guiding stars in today's complex world. Just Imagine, her thoughts about working together and integrating different perspectives are as relevant now as they were more than 100+ years ago! Her belief in resolving conflicts through understanding rather than power struggles still strikes a chord in how we handle things in modern organizations.?

Her push for diversity, inclusive decision-making, and recognizing that we're all interconnected within organizations is the forward-thinking championed today for building inclusive workplaces and tapping into diverse viewpoints to spark innovative ideas. Follett's teachings remind us that collaboration, cooperation, and synergy are timeless pillars in leadership and management today.

The statement?"Confront doesn't mean combat. In other words, it leaves the possibility of integrating as a method of meeting difference."? is one of the many golden nuggets from the book "The Essential Mary Parker Follett Ideas We Need Today." I aim to revisit her many statements over time and help gain a better understanding and hopefully share with all of you. As a coach, I believe her work is more relevant than ever as we are seeing a similar level of ground-shifting change to that of her era. And the challenge and opportunity of integrating our differences remain fundamental even today.?

Alright, Let us dive in!?

Let us pick on a few words from the above statement here. 'confront,' 'combat,' 'possibility,' 'integrating,' 'method,' and 'meeting of difference.' Each of these is powerful in isolation and even more profound when we bring them together.

Most often Confrontation, is misread as synonymous with combat, though Confrontation could hold a broader spectrum of interaction that extends beyond conflicts. To comprehend the depth of this distinction, we must first understand the essence of Confrontation and its capacity for engagement, dialogue, and reconciliation amid differences. Contrary to common perception, confronting does not mean a battle; instead, it means taking a?nuanced approach,?facilitating the 'meeting in the middle' where varying viewpoints converge, mutual understanding is encouraged, and integration is made possible as a method of encountering disparities.

It means that Confrontation suggests a deliberate and direct engagement with contrasting perspectives, situations, or individuals. These interactions range from peaceful dialogue to assertive discussions or even respectful disagreements. The most crucial point is that Confrontation involves?acknowledging and exploring differences without evading or suppressing them. It requires?the courage to address disparities head-on, emphasizing the significance of acknowledging divergent opinions or confronting challenging circumstances?constructively.?

This distinction between Confrontation and combat is based on what we call?'intent.'

Just think about it for a while. What is your primary intention when approaching a difference??

If your primary intention is defeating opponents or asserting dominance, combat means taking a conflict-oriented approach. It often leads to a zero-sum game where one side's victory necessitates the other's defeat, leading to animosity and division. On the contrary, if the intent of the Confrontation is purely engagement through understanding, resolving, or integrating differences. It leads to mutual learning, seeking to rise above disagreement and find creative ways to coexist harmoniously.

Confrontation's essence lies in its potential to create the space for dialogue and negotiation by creating an environment for mutual respect and understanding. When individuals or groups confront each other, they invite the opportunity to exchange perspectives, challenge preconceptions, and cultivate empathy. This process of Confrontation is used by leaders who serve as a catalyst for introspection, enabling individuals to reassess their positions, broaden their perspectives, and find common ground, a win-win for all.

Moreover, confronting differences does not mean integration is impossible; instead, it increases the potential for integration. By engaging in meaningful Confrontation, everyone involved opens avenues for agreement, innovation, and collaboration. It allows for the discovery of shared values or goals that go beyond immediate disparities, making way for the creation of co-created inclusive solutions.

What does it mean for leadership?

Leadership is about guiding individuals or groups toward a shared goal amidst various opinions and perspectives. We are human beings, and conflicts are bound to happen along the way. How a leader confronts these differences significantly affects team dynamics and overall success. Therefore, "confront doesn't mean combat" distinguishes leading with respect and authority versus leading with aggression or authoritarianism. There's often a misconception that Confrontation in leadership means pushing ideas forcefully or dominating discussions, which can stifle creativity and shut down alternative viewpoints. However, the true essence of leadership lies in a different kind of Confrontation—one that welcomes respectful engagement, explores disparities, and seeks resolution while fostering an environment where integration and collaboration thrive.

Catalyst Leaders who understand that "confront doesn't mean combat" know how to balance their power styles while handling conflicts without being aggressive or accommodating. They balance being both as the situation demands by promoting open dialogue, encouraging discussions, and genuinely listening to their team while facilitating, helping stay on course, ensuring everyone's voice is heard, and not allowing one or two persons to dominate the discussion. This approach allows for the exploration of diverse viewpoints without shutting anyone down.?

What's remarkable is that such leaders see Confrontation as an opportunity for healthy debates and critical thinking. They create a safe space where team members feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and concerns without fearing being shut down. A leader approaching differences this way sets the stage for integration—an environment where various ideas and perspectives come together to create more comprehensive and innovative solutions.

Does integration mean watering down ideas to find a middle ground? Not at all! It's about blending diverse viewpoints to form more robust, inclusive, and practical solutions for all involved.

In practice, catalyst leaders driving the "confront doesn't mean combat" principle encourage team collaboration and respect. They initiate discussions to tackle issues, allowing team members to voice their concerns and viewpoints. This eases tension, uncovers common ground and shared objectives, and encourages continuous improvement.

Catalyst leaders also understand the importance of empathy and emotional intelligence in Confrontation. They know that confrontations devoid of compassion can escalate conflicts. So, they approach confrontations sensitively, actively listening and seeking to understand everyone involved. This empathetic approach builds trust, fostering mutual understanding and collaboration.

Moreover, effective leadership isn't just about dealing with conflicts—it's about turning them into opportunities for growth and learning. When differences arise, considering these as chances to spark innovation and improvement is critical. By confronting these differences constructively, leaders encourage creativity within their teams, creating an environment where diverse perspectives are valued and utilised.

Does it help build better relationships? You bet it does!?

When it comes to our relationships with others, be it personal or professional. I've learned that Confrontation is a powerful tool for fostering healthier connections. Whenever conflicts arise, we often face a choice: do we avoid the issue and hope it goes away, or do we confront it head-on through discussions? If you care enough for the relationship, engaging and being the first to open the door to talk about the differences in a way that leads to a deeper understanding of each other's perspectives is essential. This Confrontation, which needs to be approached with empathy and a genuine willingness to listen, sets the stage for healing and growth within relationships.

Remember, bringing up issues won't be enough; that's just the first step. It requires intent, a sincere desire to understand where the other person is coming from, empathy, and communication skills. Confrontation without compassion or respect can backfire, escalating tensions instead of resolving them. So, how you approach Confrontation significantly impacts its potential for integration and resolution. And of course it needs to be mutual.

Conclusion?

By embracing Confrontation as a way to tackle disparities, individuals, organisations and societies can move beyond adversarial dynamics, creating spaces where dialogue, collaboration, and the coexistence of differences are not just possible but celebrated. So, let's embrace the challenge of confronting differences with empathy and understanding, paving the way for more harmonious and inclusive relationships at home, at work, and everywhere.

A BIG THANK YOU to Pete Behrens for introducing this book to me and the whole Agile Leadership Journey (ALJ) community. This is one of the many things we teach and coach at ALJ. If you want to learn more about our programs and workshops, visit our website www.agileleadershipjourney.com. If you want to connect with me directly for your training or coaching needs on Agility in leadership and organisations, drop a message at Rashmi Fernandes .