Confront Disappointment Head On

Here's a big problem: Something happens that confuses you. Someone said something to you that had a sharp edge. You were ignored. You were slighted. You were promised an opportunity but it didn't materialize. You weren't included in an important decision. In short, you were disappointed.

Then, you tell someone about the situation. You say, "What do you think?" Before long you're repeating the story to everyone but the person with whom you have the issue. It sounds like this:

"What do you make of this behavior?"

"What do you think was their intention?"

"Why do you think they're acting that way?"

" Do they do this with other people too or is it just me?"

"What did I do wrong?"

It's human nature to try to process a disappointment, but the answer won't come by avoiding it, talking about it or continuing to figure it out. The only way you're going to get resolution with an issue between you and another is to bring up the issue to the other person. This can be a difficult conversation, so you need to remain present and curious. Do not take on a victim mentality. Calm yourself first and come from a pure intention. You must maintain emotional integrity and self-regulation.

Be willing to hear what you don't want to hear. Be willing to not get an honest answer. This isn't about them being honest, it's about you being courageous.

Here's what to do.

Go directly to the person who offended you instead of telling everyone else about what happened. There are lots of approaches, and you should use some discernment that matches the offense.?

~ Ask for an explanation, "What did that mean...?"

~ Directly tell the other how something affected you.

~ Ask for clarification and share your experience.

~ State the observable behavior; see if they defend or deny

~ Share your direct experience and ask for correction

~ Let them know what is unacceptable and why

~Set a boundary and stop allowing it

When you laugh it off, avoid it, allow it, or gossip about it then you are part of the problem.

Process what happened by talking to one trusted advisor, or journaling about it in private, but make a promise to yourself to let it go if you can't resolve the issue.

Get the courage to confront the people in your life who cause you pain. You might be surprised at how this changes your relationships. At the least it will??help you filter out relationships that are inauthentic. At best it will expand your conflict capacity.

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