Conflicts (Part 4) – 10 rules
?? We may decide not to solve a conflict – and such conflicts will last for generations. This planet offers more than enough examples where and how revolution interrupted evolution. We may see many examples where conflicts got suppressed, till they erupted again. If all parties are interested to solve them, there are 10 rules which may help.
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?? Genuinely try to understand. Listen when the other person is speaking and try to understand what the issue is for them Summarize what you have heard: “If I understood you, you are worried that…” This technique called active listening will build a first bridge and bring understanding in line. It doesn′t mean you agree, you try to understand.
?? Stick to the topic. We tend to abruptly change the topic or allow us to fade away, in other words we lose sight of important points before we have properly dealt with them. Dig deeper: “Before we turn to that, could you please explain what you meant beforehand?” Talk shows may be telling what to avoid.
?? Ask open questions. Open questions have no black-white answer. The invite the other party to answer in full sentences. However, make sure that time between opponents gets balanced, too.
?? Identify commonalities. You may be able to find in every conversation and with every person you talk to things in common. That may create a positive atmosphere.
?? Don′t moralize. Avoid finger wagging. Preachy self-righteousness only created resistance in your discussion partner – and you might feel just the same. The reason why religious discussions are often difficult may be seen in the believer who believes there is just one right religion – his or hers – and this religion by nature can′t be debated.
?? Give reasons for your position. Even your position may be relevant, it is not enough to change other people′s position. To work on a dialogue, provide rational arguments and invite the other to do the same. Rationality allows to take out emotions.
?? Be generous in your interpretation. Even there will be stronger and weaker arguments, try to understand the arguments in the best possible form, even it is not perfectly formulated like my text here. In argumentation theory they call it “principle of goodwill”.
?? Be factual in your criticism. Correct false information. Expose hasty conclusions and generalizations. Point to gaps or contradictions in the logic of the argument. However, be sparing with criticism and avoid an open confrontation.
?? Deescalate to take out emotions. They can become heated in discussions. Make sure your discussion partner does not lose face. An occasional touch of humor may be helpful, too. The most relevant topic may be to stay calm.
?? Change the perspective. Often discussions fail because of opposing ideas and values. In such cases it can be helpful to adopt the perspective of the other party and to think how you would argue if in their shoes. However, if there are limits crossed it will be relevant to address it.
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?? Such rules may not help if confronted with wrong information. One way to keep other busy may be the principle of placing a lie. The person being affected will be busy to expose, and the time can be used to place more lies. This race can′t be won. If something sounds to be too strange to be true – most likely it isn′t. Fake news, alternative facts, lies can easily be used to undermine a position or a person.
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?????? Independent persons of trust may help to build strategies how to deal with conflicts. Feel invited to talk. Here or there https://von-con.com/?lang=en