Conflicts, Disagreements, Unhappiness? It's All In The Meaning
Rainy Rainmaker
Elevate Your Career & Life Without Anxiety, Fear or Stress ???? International Awards-Winning Coach | Executive Coach | Life Coach |
Disagreements? Conflicts? Misunderstandings at work or home??
It’s all in the meaning.?
And if you’d like to learn how to minimise the above problems at work and in your personal life, read on.?
It sounds like this:?
“My boss passed the new project to my juniors.” = He doesn’t value me.?
“My son never calls me” = He doesn’t love me
“My colleague always criticises me” = He doesn’t like me?
How does holding on to the above meaning makes you feel??
Compare this:
“My boss passed the new project to my juniors.” = He value me more to handle complicated projects.?
“My son never calls me” = Despite he doesn’t call me, he’ll hug me each time he got home. I know he loves me.?
“My colleague always criticises me” = He has a high standard and demands perfections.?
How does the above make you feel in comparison to the earlier meaning??
Have you ever wondered why some people are generally happier and more positive than others??
It’s all in the meaning we give to the events.?When we take things personally and negatively, we make ourselves feel bad.?
When we constantly try to mind-read other people, we tend to assume the worst of ourselves and others and that’s how I got into a debate with a friend recently.?
We were talking about what happens when we grow old and she asked, “Would you wipe your partner’s butt when he is bed-ridden?”?
I responded, “That’s a really bad vision to have for the old age. I’ve seen some elderly aging gracefully and healthily, and we must aim for that.”?
And my friend said, “You have no empathy.”?
Huhh?!
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So I probed further.?
How is it that when I said that’s a bad vision, that means I have no empathy???
It turned out that, she expects me to say, “I’ll be there for him, through thick and thin”.
Instead of saying that, my focus was on dis-agreeing with her vision that when one is old, one will be bed-ridden.?
It’s my occupational hazard as a coach to challenge limiting beliefs. I tend to get triggered when I catch a limitation that could prevent people from being at their best.?
So because of what I’ve said, she concluded that it means I have no empathy. That judgement makes me feel like my character was being questioned. We both had different meanings and that creates unhappiness between us, because we were not looking from the same point of view.?
Thankfully, I apologised and explained my POINT OF VIEW, and said, “Once I am committed to my relationship, I stay committed, and that includes being together through thick and thin.”?
What bothers me a lot is if we are not doing what we can to take good care of ourselves now, it could cause our loved ones to suffer in the future.?
Will I ever want my loved one to wipe my butt when I’m old? Ideally no.?
And hence, I’ve been working on my health, doing what’s within my control to stay fit and healthy. And If the worst were to happen, at least I know, I’ve done my best.?
So it’s all in the meaning my friends.?
Let’s choose the meaning that empowers us to be at our best and to have a healthy relationship with others, shall we??
And Stop, AssU n me :)?
Hi I’m Rainy Rainmaker - Making You Rain Your Power! So that you can achieve more goals faster and easier without anxiety, fear or stress.?
?? Connect with me ???https://www.dhirubhai.net/in/rainyrainmaker/
Learn more ?? https://growwithrainy.com/
Leading by Example to Empower Others to Achieve Their Dreams | Court of Table | Inspire to Aspire | Dad
1 年Well said, Rainy. It's so true that the key to having positive relationships is understanding the underlying meaning behind our interactions. By doing so, we can avoid misunderstandings and conflicts, and promote more harmony in our interactions with others.
Driving Sustainable Innovation | Green Finance | ex-Sembcorp | Carbon Accounting | Lecturer, Mentor | Digital Transformation | Seeking Impactful Opportunities in Sustainability
1 年Changing negative mindset to positive mindset by engaging in self-talk. Move forward. ??Rainy Rainmaker
Retired Engineer
1 年Your post is really useful Rainy. You highlight a key point that often causes poor relationship and makes us feel unhappy. It's about taking things personally and negatively. I also noticed that another cause is a tendency to take what we are told by the letter. Therefore, it's needed to step back and think beyond our first impression when others' words look hurting. I hope I am clear. Have a great Tuesday.
??Helping Chinese Sales Directors and Their Teams Get International Customers by Improving Sales and Marketing Skills.
1 年Interesting article Rainy Rainmaker - good point about making quick assumptions too.
Helping Entrepreneurs incorporate their Singapore company. Ongoing compliance, accounting, business advisory, payroll, immigration, legal
1 年Good points Rainy Rainmaker. We sometimes put undue stress on ourselves guessing what the other person means. Reframing it positively helps. Like they say, you can’t control the other person’s behaviour, but you can control how you respond.