Conflict Resolution: Towards Greater Civility In The Workplace

(Exploring The Interest-Based Relational Approach To Conflict Resolution)

Workplace Incivility is a contemporary blight within the organizational landscape, and it adversely impacts both individuals and the organization they work in. Through a variety of research projects and workplace surveys, the data supporting the existence of workplace incivility is mind-blowing. Among thousands of employees surveyed across various industries and job levels, the numbers are staggering:

• 99% witnessed workplace incivility,
• 96% reported firsthand experience of incivility
• 80% of employees wasted work effort worrying about the uncivil incident they either experienced or observed
• 78% reported reduced organizational dedication as a result of experiencing or
• observing incivil
• 63% wasted effort by avoiding the instigator of uncivil acts and behaviors
• 48% reduced work effort as a result of experiencing or observing incivility
• 47% decreased work attendance as a result of experiencing or observing incivility
• 38% purposely decreased work quality, and 12% changed jobs.

While this data is significant, what it does not address is the human toll and resultant impact on your organizations’ bottom-line or customer experience.

Conflicts can arise at any time

How you utilize conflict resolution strategies depends on both your conflict style and your conflict resolution skills. There are many ways to respond to conflict situations; some conflict styles involve a considerate or cooperative approach while others involve either a competitive or passive approach.

The underlying principle of a conflict resolution framework is that conflict is inevitable and that both positive and negative consequences may occur depending on how the conflict resolution process is managed. Furthermore, the results of a conflict situation are likely to be more productive and less contentious when resolved with active engagement rather than passive avoidance.

When conflict, which is a natural occurrence in our contemporary workplace, occurs it's understandable for line workers and leaders, managers, and influencers alike to become rooted in their respective positions, for emotions to begin to impede rational thought, for tempers to flare, and perhaps for para-verbal and non-verbal or body language to become defensive or aggressive. However, as leaders, managers, and influencers you can help your organization avoid the impact of this counterproductive behavior by using the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach to conflict resolution.

Background

Roger Fisher and William Ury published their seminal “Getting To Yes” book in 1981 and introduced us to the Interest-Based Relational approach as a framework for the conflict resolution process. Their framework offers a step-by-step strategy for coming to mutually acceptable agreements in every sort of conflict. “Getting To Yes” is based on the work of the Harvard Negotiation Project, a group that deals with all levels of negotiation and conflict resolution. The bottom-line to conflict resolution is that we can resolve personal and professional disputes without becoming emotional or getting angry - or getting taken advantage of - by simply separating ourselves and our emotions from the problem. Makes sense – right? How, you ask? Well the IBR approach focuses on building mutual respect and understanding, towards resolving conflict in a cohesive and, cooperative way.

The IBR Approach

The IBR approach recognizes that your role as leaders, managers, and influencers is not simply to resolve conflict but to ensure that your peers, colleagues and subordinates feel respected through the conflict resolution process, and that their perspective and differences are recognized and understood. A key element of the IBR approach is that it offers us a roadmap to manage workplace conflict in a civil way; and this is significant as we understand the criticality of workplace civility as a cultural norm, and furthermore how civility as a leadership competency matters to the health of your organization.

Civility - as a leadership competency - is reflected throughout the IBR conflict resolution process, as you focus on behaving courteously and consensually, and eliciting and imbuing the same behavior in the other parties to the dispute. Throughout the IBR process your goal as leaders, managers, and influencers is to enable each side of the conflict to develop an understanding of the other's perspective, towards reaching a consensus – even if that means courteously agreeing to disagree.

To employ the IBR approach effectively, everyone involved in the conflict resolution process should engage their full complement of soft skills - including active listening and empathy. To be successful you must engage with more than a foundational understanding of para-verbal and non-verbal body language, be socially aware and emotionally intelligent, and be aware of and confident in employing a variety of anger management techniques. To be successful in resolving conflict you must be able to simultaneously lead the process while also journeying together with the conflicted parties through the sequential steps of the IBR process.

In preparation for launching the IBR process consider the following guidelines;

·???????Make sure that the participants agree that maintaining effective relationships are a priority. That they agree to treat the other person with respect. That they will do their best to be courteous, and to discuss matters constructively.

• ·???????Frame the initial discussion by stating that you will separate people from the problems. Acknowledge and recognize that, in many cases, the other person is not "being difficult" as real and valid differences can lie behind conflict positions. By agreeing to separate the problem from the person, you can discuss issues without damaging relationships.
• Ask all the parties to listen carefully to different interests. Acknowledge that you will get a better grasp of why people have adopted their position if you try to understand their point of view.
• Ask the parties to exercise active listening and to listen first, talk second. Help them to understand that they should listen to what the other person is saying before defending their own position. Ask them to acknowledge that the other party might say something that changes their mind.
• Agree to and set out the "facts." Decide on the observable facts that might impact your decision, together.
• Agree to explore options together. Ask the parties to be open to the idea that a third position may exist, and that you might reach it jointly.

As a pre-emptive measure you can often prevent contentious discussions from turning ugly by following these guidelines, and they can help you avoid further antagonism that can cause conflict to spiral out of control. However, as a caveat to the above guidance the IBR approach may not be appropriate for all situations. For example, you may not be able to resolve differences in such a collaborative way if your organization is in a crisis – or there is an impending external threat. On these occasions, you may have to exercise your duty as a leader or manager and make quick decisions about disputes and conflict.

Deploying the IBR Approach

Let's follow each of the six steps of the IBR approach by applying them to a conflict resolution scenario.

Imagine that you are a city manager at Camp Swampy and you work closely with two managers, Jim and Mary. Jim heads up the engineering department and is eager to buy a new machine that will increase his department's output. Mary works in purchasing and is tasked to reduce costs. She understands Jim’s motivation but informs him that the organization won't be making any new purchases. Mary’s response has created conflict and tension between herself and Jim that is spreading throughout the workplace.

Step 1: Make Sure Good Relationships Are a Priority

As a leader, manager or influencer, your priority in any conflict situation is to take control early and maintain good relationships within your team and across other teams. Make sure that everyone understands how the conflict could be a mutual problem, and that it's important to resolve it through respectful discussion and negotiation, rather than open hostility, or passive aggression. Make it clear that it's essential for all parties to be able to work together happily, effectively and without resentment, so that the team and organization can function effectively.

So, in our example situation with Jim and Mary, you might facilitate a face-to-face meeting with them to clarify the importance of good relationships and to identify the main problems/establish the facts. Tell them that you respect their points of view, and that you appreciate their cooperation and desire to resolve the situation. You should also make it clear that everyone needs to work together to build and preserve relationships that allow the organization to achieve its goals.

Step 2: Separate People From The problems

To begin the process it is very important to reiterate to your team mates or the warring participants of the conflict situation that the conflict resolution process is seldom a one-sided activity, and that the best approach is to attempt to resolve it collaboratively, by addressing the problem rather than the personalities involved. Acknowledge that the problem is caused by neither party, but they do need to agree to work together to resolve it.

So, in our example, Mary may initially believe that Jim is the source of the problem. She appears to believe that he is being defensive and demanding, at which point you should point out that she is focusing on Jim the person instead of the problem that Jim presents. The problem is whether the organization can afford the new equipment, not whether Jim has requested an inappropriate expenditure.

Step 3: Listen Carefully to Differing Interests

It is critical that everyone understands each party's underlying motivation, interests, needs, and concerns. So, as the leader, manager or influencer you must establish a positive atmosphere, keep the conversation courteous, avoid blaming anyone, and commit to identifying each perspective.

Ask for each party’s viewpoint, while requesting that you need his or her cooperation to solve the problem. Ask your team members to 1. Suspend judgment, 2. Actively listen, 3. Put themselves in the others’ shoes, 4. Try to understand one another's motivations and goals, and 5, Think about how those may affect their actions.

Encourage everyone to use active listening skills and to make a conscious effort to hear and understand the complete message being spoken, rather than just passively hearing the message of the speaker. Ask them to 1. Maintain eye-contact with the speaker, 2. Direct themselves towards the speaker, 3. Pay attention to what's being said, 4. Put aside distracting thoughts, 5. Affirm your listening by nodding appropriately, and 6. Allowing each person to finish before talking. By following these guidelines, everyone will be able to hear and understand one another's positions and perceptions. Focusing on the act of listening will also help to prevent the conversation from becoming heated and getting out of hand.

Once everyone knows that their views have been heard, they are more likely to be receptive to different perspectives. In our example, perhaps Mary didn't realize the amount of pressure that Jim was under to meet his production targets. Similarly, Jim may have assumed that Mary was being unfair when she had a mandate to cut costs.

If the conversation becomes heated or the parties to the conflict aren't listening to one another, then you should gently but firmly remind them sensitively that it's important that they work together to find a solution and that they must stay calm.

Step 4: Listen First, Talk Second

Encourage each party to the conflict to listen to other people's points of view, without defending their own position. Make sure that each person has finished talking before someone else speaks, emphasize that you want to resolve the situation through discussion, understanding and negotiation, and ensure that each party understand the problem fully by asking questions for further clarification. Be firm in asking them to focus on work related issues, and to leave personalities out of the discussion. You should also encourage everyone to 1. Listen with empathy, 2, Experience the conflict resolution process from each participant's point of view, 3. Explain issues clearly and concisely, 4. Encourage people to use "I" rather than "you" statements, so that no one feels attacked, 5. Be clear about your feelings and how you feel – for example “when you say XXX or behave YYY it makes me feel ZZZ, and finally 6. Remain flexible and adaptable.

Once you've listened to everyone's needs and concerns, outline the behaviours and actions that you will or won't tolerate, and gain the opposing parties' agreement to change. In our example, Mary and Jim were both keen to get their opinions across, so they didn’t listen to what the other had to say. Once they did listen, they began to understand the situation more clearly.

Step 5: Set out the “Facts”

So, this sounds like I am stating the obvious, but different underlying needs, interests and goals can often cause the parties to a conflict to perceive the problems differently. As a leader, manager or influencer you will need to secure agreement that the problem that you are trying to solve is indeed the problem that needs to be solved. In order to find a mutually acceptable solution you must all agree to the relevant facts of the situation.

Sometimes, people will see different but interconnected problems. So, if you can't reach an agreement, you should aim to understand the other person's perception of the problem. In our example, the "facts" are that a new machine would improve the engineering department's output, meet customer demand, and increase sales. But it would cost so much that it would impact the company's profitability.

Step 6: Explore Options Together

By this stage, you may have resolved the conflict resolution process. Each party to the conflict should understand the other's position better, and the most appropriate solution might have become obvious.

However, you may also have uncovered other contentious differences of perspective. This is where a system like win-win negotiation can be useful, so that you can find a solution that satisfies everyone – leaving each party feeling whole and not resentful toward the other party. Or, you might need to take action to change the fundamental circumstances that have caused the conflict – such as having an expenditure prioritization process that alleviates Mary of the duty of saying no for unprogrammed expenditures.

By asking each party to the conflict to help generate solutions, you ensure that everyone feels included and that they are more likely to be satisfied with the outcome. Brainstorm ideas and be open to all suggestions, including ones you might not have considered before.

Conclusion

Workplace Civility Matters To The Health Of Your Organization! And a poor conflict resolution process in the workplace can destroy otherwise effective working relations. When you don't manage conflict effectively, real and legitimate differences between people can quickly get out of control, which can result in an irretrievable breakdown in communication. The IBR framework offers a step-by-step strategy for coming to mutually acceptable agreements in every sort of conflict. The bottom-line to conflict resolution is that we can resolve personal and professional disputes without becoming emotional or getting angry - or getting taken advantage of - by simply separating ourselves and our emotions from the problem. The IBR approach focuses on building mutual respect and understanding, towards resolving conflict in a cohesive and, cooperative way.

* IBR steps from Fisher/Ury, “Getting To Yes”: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In (ISBN: 9780143118756), with permission. ? Roger Fisher and William Ury.

P.S. Our Master List Of Soft Skills Workshop Topics

What our society seems to be gaining in terms of both knowledge and technological advancement, we are losing out on basic soft skills that directly impact the bottom line of your business. I invite you to view our?Master List Of Soft Skills Workshop Topics, which are suitable for various learner groups, including junior, senior, supervisors, and workforce development trainers. The aim of the Soft Skill Series Of Workshops is to introduce the skills needed to effectively address current work life and workplace issues.?If you are interested in us bringing these topics to your organization you can reach us at [email protected]

?