Conflict Resolution in Teams – Using NLP (And a Whisper!)

As a leader, when you look at your team, what hurts you most?

I’m sure, like me, you take immense pride in your teams. But also, like me, witnessing staff conflicts can be painful. It’s like watching your favorite football team suddenly start tackling their own players instead of the opposition. Ouch!

Recently, over lunch, a client of mine vented about his struggles. His Sales and HR Recruitment teams—who should ideally be working together to bring in the best talent—were at constant loggerheads. Every meeting was a shouting match, and the conference room was beginning to look like a WWE ring, minus the referee.

As we wrapped up lunch and walked to our cars, I casually suggested three things:

1. An?outcome frame?(as opposed to a blame frame of reference). Start with the end in mind – At the beginning of the meeting, ask each team: “What would a good outcome look like?” They might say, “For the other team to finally understand our perspective!” This is completely out of their control. Then, to bring the desired outcome back into their own circle of control follow up with: “Great! And what are you personally willing to do to ensure that happens?” (That’s where the real magic begins.) The clear outcome will give them all a direction to move in.

Richard Bandler, the co-founder to Neuro Linguistic Programming is known to have said, and I quote "Brains aren't designed to get results, they go in directions"

2. Step into the other person's shoes. Switch sides—literally! – Usually conflict happens because we are not able to consider the other person's perspective. Like in the #NLPtool of #PerceptualPositions, I suggested that the next time the shouting starts, he could ask the two teams to swap places. Have Sales sit in HR’s chairs and vice versa. This simple shift often leads to an “aha” moment when they see the discussion from the other side (physically and mentally).

3. Help the brain respond the break in pattern—whisper! – We are all creatures with patterns of behaviour and responses. The two teams probably had stepped into the patterns of raised voices. So, I suggested to my client that when voices start rising, do something #unexpected. Instead of adding to the noise, drop your voice to a whisper. Watch them lean in, lower their own voices, and recalibrate the energy in the room. (It’s like a Jedi mind trick, but grounded in NLP.)

Fast forward to last week—I checked in on my client. He tried two out of three strategies, and guess what? The last meeting lasted longer, but in a good way. One team member got up to bring water for everyone when the atmosphere heated up with soaring temperatures. Another held the door open as the others exited. One even extended a handshake.

Leadership takeaway from NLP: Conflict doesn’t have to be an endless tug-of-war. The transformation of conflicts into collaboration is possible. A little NLP, some perspective shifts, and an unexpected whisper can turn battle rooms into brainstorming spaces. Maybe even brainsailing spaces ;) (Credit for this word to Vikram Badhwar ) The journey from conflicts into collaboration is possible.

Watch this space for more insights on transforming workplace dynamics through powerful leadership.

#NLPworks #NLPatwork #LeadershipwithNLP

(This Pic taken in another client’s meeting room—one whose teams are what #teamgoals are made of!)