Conflict Resolution
PRINCIPLES OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION
These principles are useful suggestions and pointers that will help you prepare for a productive,
constructive collaborative problem solving experience.
1. Listen Actively
Listening is the most important part of communication. If we do not hear what the other parties
are communicating, we cannot resolve a conflict. Active listening also includes noticing what
the other person is saying with intonation and body language.
2. Think Before Reacting
The tendency in a conflict situation is to react immediately. In emergencies, fast physical
reaction can save lives. In workplace conflicts, we may say things without thinking that damage
relationships. In order to resolve conflict successfully, it is important to consider possible
outcomes.
3. Attack the Problem - NOT each other!
Conflict is very emotional. When emotions are high, sometimes we attack the person on the
other side of the problem. What is the problem underlying the emotion? What is the cause,
rather than the symptom?
4. Accept Responsibility
Every conflict has many sides. There is enough responsibility for everyone. Attempting to
place blame creates resentment and anger. In order to resolve a conflict, we must accept our
share of the responsibility and eliminate the concept of blame.
5. Use Direct Communication
With an "I-Message" we express our own wants, needs or concerns to the listener. "I- Messages"
are clear and non-threatening ways to express information. Consider the differences in these
I-Messages and YOU-Messages:
“I” Messages “YOU” Messages
I need feedback on my work. YOU didn’t give me feedback.
I’m concerned about the project. YOU don’t think I care about the project.
I want to be part of the team. YOU don’t want me to be part of the team.
I need more information. YOU don’t give me enough information.
A "YOU” Message blames or criticizes the listener, suggesting that she or he is at fault.
6. Look for Common Interests
We are taught to verbalize what we want. To resolve conflict successfully we must discover:
? What is really important about the issue in conflict to all parties?
? Why is a particular outcome important to all parties?
7. Focus on the Future
It is important to understand the dynamics of the relationship including the history of the relationship.
But to resolve the conflicts, we must focus on the future. What do we want to do differently tomorrow?