Conflict Resolution: Navigating Disagreements with Grace

It’s easy to hear someone, yet difficult to listen to them.?

At one point or another, we’ve all had a disagreement. I believe Ben Franklin mistakenly excluded conflict from his list of life’s certainties. Arguments are a fundamental aspect of society: we all view the world from different perspectives, thus we are bound to have varying opinions. As common as it is to have disputes, few of us truly have the skills to resolve conflicts amicably. It is not enough to hear an argument; we must actively listen and empathize with our opposers.?

Often, we listen to others’ perspectives and interpret their stance differently than what was intended. Even small misinterpretations like tone and body language can influence how we approach resolving a disagreement. We also tend to react to conflict quickly, most likely due to the now-irrelevant genes of our hunter-gatherer ancestors who were facing life or death conflicts every day. This innate response to disagreements impairs our ability to reason and act compassionately.?

Whether in the Boardroom, the Bedroom, or Around the Dinner Table, Navigating Conflict Requires the Same Fundamental Skills

To rectify conflicts in a way that serves everyone involved, it is crucial to take a step back and analyze the situation before reacting. We need to make sure our understanding of what we've just heard matches the other person's intended message. We must also communicate to them that we acknowledge their perspective and are committed to collaborating on a solution. There are so many conflict resolution and active listening techniques, but not all are effective. Here are the most important strategies to improve your ability to mitigate and resolve conflict.?

Maintain Your Composure?

Emotions tend to run high during heated debates, but it’s critical to maintain your composure and remain calm. Remember that the other party is also feeling intense emotions, and resolving the disagreement requires emotional regulation. Keeping a positive attitude will help you to think rationally and focus on finding a solution to the conflict. By having a collected, positive attitude, you’ll also encourage the other parties involved to see your perspective and work with you..?

Don’t Assume, Ask Clarifying Questions?

Before reacting to a disagreement, take the time to ensure you understand the other party's intended message. If you have any doubts, ask open-ended, non-threatening questions like, "Could you clarify that for me?”. It's crucial not to assume that you both share the same understanding and are on the same page.

Take an Investigative Approach?

As the conversation progresses, you might notice deeper emotions fueling their conflict. In these scenarios, become an investigator. Ask for more information by saying, “I hear you have strong feelings about this. Could you tell me more about that?” That said, you must remain cautious when asking probing questions. Avoid starting questions with "why" as it might make the other person defensive.? Also, ensure you wait until the other party has finished their point before asking clarifying or probing questions.

Act with Empathy

We are biased toward what we already accept as fact, and often let our emotions dictate our actions. This can hinder our ability to act with empathy during conflicts. By setting aside the ambition to be “right”, you can shift your perspective and see the argument from the opposer’s stance. Instead of making a conflict “you vs them”, you must focus on fighting alongside the other party to find a viable solution.

It’s all too easy to instigate conflicts, yet requires so much skill and emotional intelligence to resolve them. I’ve known people who refuse to engage in disagreements empathetically and constructively, and those are the loneliest people in my life. To maintain real, lasting relationships means accepting occasional conflicts, and having the expertise to solve disagreements amicably is a skill worth working on.?

Conclusion

As emotional (and sometimes irrational) creatures, conflicts are an inevitable part of life.? Resolving disagreements amicably hinges on our ability to listen actively, empathize, and communicate effectively. By maintaining composure, asking clarifying questions, adopting an investigative approach, and acting with empathy, we can navigate disagreements constructively. These skills not only help in resolving conflicts but also in fostering stronger, more meaningful relationships. The effort to understand and address conflicts thoughtfully is a testament to our commitment to those relationships and to our personal growth.?

“One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears–by listening to them” -Dean Rusk, U.S. Secretary of State

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