Conflict Resolution Model

Conflict is inevitable. Each person has different values, life experiences and attitudes. At some point, people are going to disagree with each other. The way the disagreement is expressed and how the disagreement is handled are the variables. Some people are excellent at being able to eloquently and appropriately express their disagreement while still maintaining a positive relationship and negotiating a satisfactory outcome for themselves and the other person. However, many people do not have the skills to manage disagreements that will result in conflict. This is where conflict management comes into place.

If conflict is not managed effectively in the workplace it will escalate. As a business leader, an important part of your job will be to help manage any conflict within your team that has escalated. You will need to hone your conflict resolution skills to expert levels to build a great business and team.

The Three-Step Model

Step 1: Research

Can everyone involved recognize their role in the problem?

To get to the heart of the problem, evaluate the 3 F’s: facts, frequency, and frustrated relationship.?

Facts?

What are the facts of the issue? Create a list so that you do not get side-tracked while you plan your conversation. Do not drag in other stories or unrelated issues that have happened previously. If you are talking to someone about tardiness, then stick to that and leave things like poor report writing, gossiping, or not taking care of equipment out of the conversation.?

Frequency?

Make sure you have a clear history of the frequency of the issue. In this case, how often is the individual late? How late are they??

Describe the pattern like this: “This is the second time that I have called this to your attention. You agreed it would not happen again. Now I am concerned that I cannot trust you to keep a promise.”?

Revealing that you notice a pattern brings history to the forefront. The history is important because repeated frequency erodes your trust.?

Frustrated Relationship?

If your real concern is about the relationship, but you only focus on the pattern, then you are not likely to get the change for which you are aiming. You must discuss what is important to you in terms of the relationship. Explain that when they repeatedly ignore your expectations to be on time, they are not just demonstrating a lack of commitment to the job. They are eroding your trust in them, your trust in their ability to do their job, and the possibility of being trusted with assignments in the future.?

Comments like the following can be helpful:?

• I feel like I cannot trust you to get the work done.
• I feel like I am constantly nagging you and I do not like to do that.
• I feel like I cannot trust you to keep the commitments you make.

Step 2: Presentation

This is where you will invite your difficult person into a conversation. In doing so, it is important to create a safe zone for the conversation to take place. A safe zone is a place where other people cannot eavesdrop on your conversation. Use a meeting room if you do not have an office. It is also a zone where you, as a host, need to feel safe. If history says that this individual is unpredictable, you may want to have an HR consultant or union representative present. It is important that any guests to the meeting are there to simply observe and take notes, and that the conversation is between only you and your difficult person if possible.

The safe zone is also about trust and respect. If there is no mutual respect between you and your difficult person, you may have to take time to establish a few rules at the beginning of the meeting. For example, “We will control our tempers and language during the conversation,” means that you start with an agreement to treat each other respectfully.

Next, you describe the behaviour gap using the facts, frequency, and frustrated relationship language that you learned in Step 1.

Finally, you must make it easy. This may seem like a Zen statement and bother some of you, but it is also a sign of a very competent leader. Make the conversation easy on them and make it easy for them to comply with your requests. If there are barriers to the difficult person improving, your job is to remove those barriers. If they are having trouble getting motivated, your job is to help them find the motivation within and work with it.

There is nothing helpful or noble if you make things harder for people, so take this step seriously. (You will see that it works great with teenagers, too, if you happen to have any!) Explore the barriers together. Ask the individual what they think they can do and what is possible. Do not follow your natural tendency to tell them what to do or to give tasks they do not want to someone else. The work still has to be done. Your role is to enable them to do it and do it to the best of their ability.

Step 3: Take Action

In order to make sure the gap raised in your conversation gets dealt with, you will need to create an action plan. These action plans are no good without the difficult person’s agreement to deliver. You will also need to set up a follow-up timetable (daily, weekly, or monthly check-ins) to make sure they have what they need and can deliver.

If the action plan is not followed by the letter, then you will know that it is time to take things to the next level. This might mean that you must start career-altering conversations with your difficult person. Those second-level conversations are rarely needed when you determine that your action plan is appropriate and that you and the difficult person had the tools to succeed.