Conflict Resolution for COOs

Conflict, by nature, involves emotions. The hardest part of dealing with conflict for a COO is untangling the emotions from the actual issue at hand. Often the way people feel about the problem is more important than the problem itself. Emotions can make much bigger deals of things than intended.

That said, you must deal with the emotional side of conflicts if you want to truly resolve them and, as a COO, you do. You need to get everyone’s concerns on the table and discuss them in a rational way.

As Second in Command, a COO needs to hold themself as responsible as the CEO does for setting the tone in resolving a conflict. These four phrases can really help you communicate effectively when trying to resolve that conflict.

“When you…”

The phrase “When you…” allows you to describe exactly what the person did that you didn’t like, or what didn’t follow your company’s system, values, and so on, in a respectful and open manner. It’s very important for a COO to be upfront about these issues. Just make sure what follows “When you…” isn’t disrespectful.

“Clearly specify what you are concerned about, even if it takes some time to isolate the primary issue at hand. Also, avoid attacking the other person or making accusations, which will only lead to distrust and defensiveness.” – Our Everyday Life

Be careful that you don’t criticize the person or their actions. Remember to be descriptive, not evaluative.

“I feel…”

Everyone knows that emotions are involved, so be upfront about them. As a COO, you need to take the lead and set an example.

“A mediator might encourage empathy by asking employees in conflict to each describe how the other might be feeling and thinking, and how the situation might look to the other party.” – The Balance Careers

Tell the person how their actions make you feel, or as a mediator, allow each side to put their feelings out into the open. For example, “I feel upset, frustrated, angry.” Everyone has to dig deep and describe those feelings. If everyone can truly get their emotions out, then they’ll all have no problem addressing the problem itself.

“I need…”

As COO, you have to make sure the conflicting parties describe what they need the other to do in the future so that this same conflict doesn’t occur again. If you’re the one with the problem, you have to say what you need while also actively listening to what the other side needs as well.

“”I” statements are a keystone of conflict resolution. By framing your thoughts around yourself, you avoid placing blame or focus on emotions and reactions, which helps stick to the facts and solutions to an issue.” – The Digital Project Manager

By focusing on the need, you’ve addressed your feelings and the person realizes you’re getting to the center of the issue and focusing on resolving the problem.

“How do you feel?”

One of the most important abilities in conflict resolution, be it as an employee or as a COO, is the ability to listen.

“There are many important soft skills in business like empathy, creative thinking, and emotional awareness, but listening always comes out on top.” – COO Alliance

Ask the other person to share their thoughts and feelings. They likely have their own version of the facts that need to be heard and validated before the conflict can be resolved.

Allowing everyone to be articulate, pulling all the feelings out, and taking the lead to do so, is the best and only way to resolve conflicts.

If you have questions or would like more information, I’d be happy to help. Please leave a comment below and my team will get in touch with you.

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Cameron Herold grew up in a small town in Northern Canada. When his father, an entrepreneur, figured out that Cameron wasn’t going to fit into what they were teaching in school—because of his severe ADD—he taught him to hate working traditional ‘jobs’ and to love creating companies that employed others.

By 18, Cameron already had 14 different little businesses and he knew he loved money, entrepreneuring and business. And by 20 years old, he owned a franchise business painting houses and had twelve employees. He spent his twenties and early 30’s heading up 3 large businesses and coaching over 120 entrepreneurs. He was also the COO of 1-800-GOT-JUNK?, and during his 6.5 years he took the company from 2 million to 106 million. 

Knowing that every CEO needs a strong COO then led Cameron to start the COO Alliance in 2016. He noticed that there were no peer groups for one of the most crucial roles in the company—the Chief Operating Officer/2nd in command.