Conflict: Reaching Collaboration

"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen." Winston Churchill

How you respond to and resolve conflict will limit or enable your success. Conflict managed properly can drive you and your team to collaboration. Collaboration is the highest level of resolving a conflict and is how a "win - win" outcome is achieved. Moreover, it is the only mechanism where a radical reframing of the problem will be forced to occur that might provide a truly "outside of the box" solution. There are outcomes where each side wins more than 100% of what they wanted because a different type of solution was achieved. Without conflict this path of resolution, that is also the most difficult, will never be reached

Conflict

Conflict, disagreements, and change are natural parts of our lives, as well as part of team, company, or organization. Conflict resolution is how we bring parties together to find a workable solution to a disagreement.  Collaboration is when people work together to solve problems.  They may share ideas, brainstorm, share resources, and take risks collectively to accomplish a common goal.  Formal teams or more often ad hoc associations that emerge organically may do this.

Collaboration relies not only upon openness and knowledge sharing but also upon a high level of mutual accountability, shared vision, self-efficacy, emotional intelligence, and introspective ability. Contributors must be able to consider their own fear and defensiveness.

Silo mentality is a mindset present when groups, departments, or divisions do not share or connect within the same company. This type of mentality will reduce efficiency in the overall operation, reduce morale, and may contribute to the demise of a productive company culture.  This is of particular danger in emergent cultures such as startups.

We should always remember:

1. Conflict is part of being human
2. Conflict is rooted in different values and perceptions
3. It comes from our differences – and so do our strengths and he greater abilities of our teams.
4. Managing this is a learnable skill, there are tools, and we all become better with practice.

"There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict. Walk away from these people. The battle they're fighting isn't with you, it's with themselves." Rashida Rowe

The Cost to Business

These unmitigated conflicts come with a cost. Some business surveys indicate that 60-80% of difficulties in organizations stem from strained relationships between employees - not from deficits in individual employee’s skill or motivation. It is not shortfalls of individual skill sets, behaviors, or engagement - it is a failure of how they are connected together, the leadership, and the management.

The typical manager spends 25-40% of his or her time dealing with workplace conflicts. Ernst & Young reports that the cost of losing and replacing an employee may be as high as 150% annual salary. Another survey reports that 25% of employees said that avoiding conflict led to sickness or absence from work. Failure to resolve conflicts has a definite impact to the bottom line.

Thomas-Kilmann Mode

A model called the "Thomas-Kilmann model" was designed by two psychologists, Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann. Here are the five-conflict management styles explained.

1. Avoiding – This is when you simply avoid the issue.  This is the lowest level solution, it isn't even a "give in" or a compromise. This works when the issue is crucial and you have no chance of prevailing. Winners will delay if they are not in the best possible position.  If the topic is emotionally charged, it is a good strategy so that you can all cool down and gain some perspective.  Avoiding will never achieve collaboration and the possible higher order win-win outcome. Just make avoiding this path your normal way of business. All of the other paths are better than this one. Use sparingly.
2. Accommodating – This is when you cooperate fully, maybe even beyond, and it may be at your own expense. To “make it work” you might actually compromise against your own goals and objectives.  This approach is effective when the other party is the expert or has a better solution.  It can also be effective for preserving future relations with the other party.  Sometimes it is the best when you are trying to win in the long game and see no reason to fight about the “little things”.  If you are playing poker, it is the first few hands you loose on purpose.  Otherwise it is a lose – “empty win”. Save your energy for the battles that you need to win - let somebody else prevail on the meaningless ones.
3. Competing – This is the “win-lose” approach. You act in a very assertive way to achieve your goals, without seeking to cooperate with the other party, and it may be at the expense of the other party.  This approach may be appropriate for emergencies when time is of the essence, or when you need quick, decisive action, and people are aware of and support the approach.  In the end, this simply sours the milk and creates a bad environment. You are also setting yourself up for losing and you might get less than if you had been accommodating. This can get you branded as a jerk although it is actually a rather responsible position to lobby for what you believe is correct. This path will not lead to the highest order solution - collaboration.
4. Compromising – This is the “lose-lose” scenario where neither party really achieves what they want. This requires a moderate level of assertiveness and cooperation.  It may be appropriate for scenarios where you need a temporary solution, or where both sides have equally important goals.   The trap is to fall into compromising as an easy way out, when collaborating would produce a better solution. This is better at preserving relationships and building creditability than competing and is better than avoiding or accommodating. While this helps build understanding and relationships it never gets to the win-win, only to a sub optimal everybody can live with solution. For many items this might be enough, every problem does not merit the energy needed for a collaboration result to be achieved.
5. Collaborating – This is where you partner up to achieve both of your goals. This is how you break free of the “win-lose” paradigm and seek the “win-win.”  This can be effective for complex scenarios where you need to find a novel solution.  This can mean reframing the question to create a different space with new solution approaches or solution fields that otherwise were not seen as even possible solutions.  The downside is that it requires a high-degree of trust and reaching a consensus can require a lot of time and effort to get everybody on board and to synthesize all the ideas.  This is why we have teams work on problems.  This is the “win – win” we are after.  When it is good and it works this is where we change the world.

Neo: Why do my eyes hurt?
Morpheus: You've never used them before. The Matrix

 Quiz - Find Your Conflict Style With a 25 Question Quiz!!

Fun 25 Question Quiz

The Orange

"There's been a quantum leap technologically in our age, but unless there's another quantum leap in human relations, unless we learn to live in a new way towards one another, there will be a catastrophe." Albert Einstein

Letting Go

When you have a conflict that you can't resolve focus on the present. Ask yourself if this really matters at all? Does it matter now or will it in the future? Did it matter in the past? Sometimes you need to let it go. Forget grudges, be in the here and be now to solve the problem. Conflicts can be draining, so it’s important to consider whether the issue is really worthy of your time and energy. Resolving is impossible if you can't forgive.  Resolution lies in releasing the urge to punish, which can never compensate for our losses and only adds to our injury by further depleting and draining our lives.

Tips on Resolving

1. Define the cause of the conflict. The real issue might not be what you are arguing about.  Write it down.

2. Accept the opposite view as if it was true - if you cannot see the issue from the other perspective, you will not reach a workable solution. Practice this.

3. Be specific about your issue with the situation. “It won’t work” is not the same, as “How will we drain the reflux condenser without a valve”?

4. Pick your battles and avoid conflict for the sake of conflict.

5. Stay out of it if the conflict does not involve you or your responsibilities.

6. Clear, concise, accurate, and timely communication of information will help to ease both the number and severity of conflicts.

7. Keep it private.

8. Document the solution and the plan of action. Again, write it down.

9. Do not draw a line in the sand or make it a deal breaker – that simply illustrates you look foolish. Really if this is your methodology than you should grow up.

Disagree Don't Argue

Previous Posts

Continuous Improvement

Successful Delegation

Return to Leadership Fundamentals

Servant Leadership: Service Focus

Servant Leadership: Making it Work

Toxic Work

Be Happy: How to Create Workplace Bliss

Building a Culture of Team Accountability

Habits and Behaviors to better Communication

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Tim

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Tim Crocker currently is engaged with the SASOL LCCP Cracker Project in Westlake, Louisiana as the Utilities and Infrastructure Production Manager. During his career, he has worked on infrastructure development at BASF, biofuels technology development with British Petroleum, and utilities management at Georgia Pacific and Domtar. His areas of expertise are process improvement (Kaizen); lean, steam and power system; water treatment; chemical recovery; energy management; waste treatment; and performance management. Tim received his Bachelors in Chemistry from the University of Portland along with a Major in Philosophy. Later he earned his Masters from the Institute of Paper Science in Atlanta, GA. Tim is an active blogger and is working on his first eBook. He is available for management consultation and speaking engagements. Currently, Tim lives in the Moss Bluff community with his wife, Cathy, and daughter, Yuri. They enjoy gardening, amateur astronomy, cooking, and model rocketry.