Conflict Management: Negotiating at Disney

I just returned from a week at Disney with 4 grandchildren ages 10, 8, 7 and 5, and their 4 adult handlers – the Best family version of a Chevy Chase “Vacation” movie.?? The "most magical place on earth" is also a place ripe for conflict and - the perfect opportunity to learn conflict management skills.

Most conflicts don't escalate because we're bad people – they happen because we haven't learned effective conflict management skills.?? Learning conflict management skills is a game-changer in both our personal and professional lives.? What's remarkable is how quickly children can pick up these vital tools when given the chance. There's something profound about a five-year-old learning the concept of negotiation, even if she can't quite pronounce it yet.

Just like adults, children often think they face only two choices: either this “OR” that.? Either mine or yours.? Either win or lose.? But through the art of negotiation, we discovered the power of “AND”.? How can we do both?? What else could happen?? What other possibilities might we create together??? How can we create an outcome that works for everyone? "Gotiating" became a game – one that transformed apparent either/or choices into win-win solutions for everyone.?? When my five-year-old granddaughter declares it's time for "gotiating,"?? I watch the fight stop and the problem solving begin.

"Gotiating" in her world might mean trading spots in line, deciding which ride to experience next, or determining who gets to ride the next ride with Grammy (whom the 8-year-old renamed as "Big G").?? These seemingly simple exchanges lay the groundwork for essential life skills in conflict management.

However, even the best laid plans work until they don't.? Or in our case, until the ice-cream melts, the lines get long, and naps get skipped.? The fact that an agreement no longer works doesn't mean there is a failure in either the agreement or the parties. It means it's time to re-negotiate – or as the youngest says, "re-gotiate."?? This ability to revisit and adjust agreements as circumstances change is crucial in both the playground and everywhere else in life.

Throughout our magical week, I witnessed how children gravitate toward either empathy or impatience – largely based on what we model for them. We can choose to cultivate judgment ("Why can't they walk faster?", "What's taking so long?") or nurture understanding. ?“Yes, the line stopped because someone with health conditions is slower to board.? Can you imagine what that must be like for that person?”? “Yes, the mother seems angry.? I wonder what’s going on in her day.” ??My 5-year-old granddaughter spotted another child's dropped toy and wanted to keep it. Instead, we talked about what it would be like for that child to realize they left their toy and what if they hurried back to get it only to discover it was gone. ?With a sad face and a few sniffles, my granddaughter returned the toy to where she found it.

These moments of chosen empathy mirror the adult world, where we face the same choices: to understand a colleague's deadline pressure or judge their delays, to appreciate a client's budget constraints or dismiss their limitations. ?To recognize that someone with beliefs different than us doesn’t make them our enemy.?Each interaction presents an opportunity to teach either empathy or judgment – and children are remarkably quick to adopt whichever we demonstrate.

Disney also provided perfect opportunities to see how fear affects our decision-making. Take the moment my 8-year-old grandson encountered Space Mountain. ?Instead of either forcing him forward or letting him back away, we explored his fear with simple questions:

"What is it that you're afraid will happen?" "It will be scary." "Yes, it will be scary. What will happen if it's scary?" “What would make it possible for you to do it?”

This conversation helped identify specific concerns that his cousins could address: "We'll sit together," "You can close your eyes during scary parts." Each practical solution turned an overwhelming fear into a manageable challenge, shifting from "I can't" to "How can I?"

We face similar moments in our adult lives - whether it's a difficult conversation with a colleague or a challenging business decision. By asking "What specifically am I afraid will happen?" we can break down vague fears into concrete concerns. Just as my grandson learned that feeling scared wasn't the same as being in danger, we can learn to separate realistic cautions from exaggerated worries.

When we stop letting fear make our decisions and start examining it for information, better solutions emerge. My grandson found that the roller coaster, with some simple strategies and support, could be handled. ?I lost count of how many times we rode Space Mountain.? The same applies to our adult challenges - they become more manageable when we take time to question our fears and identify specific solutions.

These lessons extend far beyond Disney's magical realm. The skills my grandchildren practiced – patience, empathy, compromise, and creative problem-solving – serve adults well in every aspect of life, from professional negotiations to family dynamics, from community involvement to personal relationships. When we see conflict as a skills gap rather than a character flaw, it transforms how we approach disagreements.

The beauty of teaching conflict management through natural, joy-filled experiences lies in its organic nature. Children learn best through real-world situations that matter to them. When the outcome affects their own happiness and enjoyment, they're naturally motivated to find solutions that work for everyone involved – just as adults must do in their professional and personal lives.

Creating safe spaces for practice is essential.? Make sure to empower kids with the tools needed to create outcomes that work for everyone.? Then, allow children (and adults) to work through minor conflicts on their own, stepping in only when necessary. The magic of Disney provided countless low-stakes opportunities for my grandchildren to practice these skills.

Equally important is validating feelings. ??Our feelings are real and when they are acknowledged we feel seen.? Whether it's a child's excitement about a ride or an adult's frustration with a project delay, acknowledging emotions helps everyone feel seen and heard and more willing to work toward solutions. This validation builds trust and opens pathways to meaningful dialogue. When children find win-win solutions, celebrating their achievement reinforces future problem-solving behavior, just as recognizing successful conflict resolution in professional settings encourages collaborative approaches to challenges.

As I reflect on our Disney adventure, I'm struck by how these vacation moments served as steppingstones in my grandchildren's development of essential life skills. From "gotiating" ride orders to "re-gotiating" rainy day plans, each interaction built their confidence in handling conflicts and finding solutions. They're learning an essential life skill that will serve them well into adulthood, one magical moment at a time.

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