CONFLICT MANAGEMENT -- An essential component of a successful career

In any interaction with another person, what you do or say can increase, avoid, diffuse, or reduce the level of conflict. You can manage conflict by choosing which of the following ways of responding makes the most sense:

·        Confront – increase conflict by disagreeing

·        Ignore – diffuse conflict by ignoring the comment

·        Postpone – diffuse conflict by postponing your response

·        Divert – diffuse conflict by diverting attention to another topic

·        Acknowledge – diffuse conflict by acknowledging the comment

·        Agree – reduce conflict by agreeing

For purposes of illustration, let us envision a conversation between a co-worker named Sally and you in the lunchroom at work. Sally sees a woman in a colorful dress, comments that it is the most beautiful dress she has ever seen, and asks you what you think about it. You have six possible ways to respond. You can confront her, ignore her comment, postpone your response, divert attention from the dress to something else, acknowledge the comment without giving your opinion or agree with her.

If you confront her with a statement that disagrees with her position, then you may encourage her to defend her position more strongly. Such a response might be something like: I wouldn’t be caught dead in a dress like that. I hope she can get her money back?

If you ignore her question by acting as though you did not hear her, you force her to repeat her position or move on to another subject of conversation. If she returns to the question about the dress, you have the same six options as before.

If you postpone your response by taking a sip of your juice or another bite of food, you delay having to agree or disagree. Once you swallow, you might say something non-committal like: I’m not sure whether I like it or not. Sally has nothing with which to disagree since you have postponed your assessment of the dress.

If you divert attention away from her question by stating something not related to the dress, then she is forced to move on to the new topic with you or repeat her question to elicit a comment from you. In this case, your response might be: Oh, look at the time! I’ve got to get back. Are you going to see Brian this evening? You have guided the conversation in a totally different direction without providing a response to her question about the dress. You can also divert attention from your assessment of the dress without straying from the topic by diverting to a detail of the dress with a comment like this: Look at all the flowers in that pattern. Sally must either revisit her question or move on with you to the flowers. You leave her nothing with which to disagree since you have only offered an acknowledgement of the flowers not stated an opinion of them.

If you acknowledge the comment, you let her know you hear what she said and stop with that without providing your own opinion.

If you agree with her, then you can minimize the potential for conflict with a response like this: Oh Sally, you’re right! I just love that dress.

To respond to you, Sally has the same six choices and so it goes back and forth. How you respond to each other’s comments and questions determines the level of conflict present in your exchange.

This is an effective tool to use at work. When your boss or a co-worker confronts you in an antagonistic manner, you can choose, depending on the situation, how to respond. Continued confrontation can quickly increase conflict. Ignoring, postponing, diverting, and acknowledging tend to avoid or diffuse conflict. Agreeing obviously minimizes conflict.

If your desire is to minimize conflict, then avoid confrontational responses. We do not mean to suggest that you agree simply to lessen conflict. You have the option to withhold a contradictory point of view until conditions are more favorable for the delivery of that information.

It is useful, especially in a non-supportive environment, to have a professional response ready for those times when your boss throws something really unexpected at you. You may find that the following comment serves that purpose: Excuse me. I’m not sure I understand what you are saying. This forces your boss to repeat or defend his statement while providing you time to formulate a response that best serves your interests.

In terms of any confrontation with your boss, the more you align yourself with facts and the less you align with rumors, suppositions or opinions, the better off you will be. Your boss will be hard pressed to argue with facts. He may realize the difficulty of sustaining such a position with his superiors and relent. This avoids a battle of personal opinions, in which case your boss will almost always prevail simply because he out ranks you and his opinion carries more weight in the organization.

Excerpt from Fred Stawitz, Don’t Run Naked Through The Office (Houston: Storymakers, Inc., 2018) 186-188.

Read more about conflict management and other factors that allow you to leverage more control over your career in the book Don't Run Naked Through The Office. Available at all major booksellers around the world including https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Run-Naked-Through-Office-ebook/dp/B07X7PTCQX.

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Fred Stawitz—an award-winning author, international speaker, and strategic advisor—is a leading proponent of business cultures that engage employees in safe, productive, and sustainably profitable operations in the Digital Age. He was recruited to develop the first technical training program for the American Space Shuttle Program flight design engineers in the wake of the Challenger explosion and created desktop simulations to train the astronauts. He also created programs for a Shell/Bechtel energy venture and large pipeline operations that maximize safety and productivity while ensuring regulatory compliance. He's an international speaker on human factors in the workplace and disruptive, emergent digital technologies; was featured on CNN Headline News, a PBS special, and quoted in a Special Congressional Quarterly Report; and is the recipient of several prestigious awards including the Leadership 500 LEAD Award from HR.com and the A+ for Excellence in Education from NASA/NSTA. He is also author of several highly praised and award-winning books and is a successful publisher guiding a select group of writers through the process of creating marketable books with global distribution.

Connect with Fred Stawitz on LinkedIn.