Conflict? Don't tell me what to do!
Erika Albert
Optimising Engineers’ Internal Systems with Behavioural Insights to Lead Self and Others Effectively I Behaviour analysis I Interpersonal Skills Development
#communication #conflict #difficultconversations
A client describing a conflict situation:
— Imagine, last week there was a situation, where I told a colleague about a problem I am having. He didn’t even hear me out, and he was already like: “do this, do that, than go there, and…”
— Hmmm… :) And?
— What do you think? I could feel the pressure rising. But like, really badly!
— I can imagine… What happened?
— I was really trying hard, not to yell his head off! He pissed me off so badly, I couldn’t even hear what he was saying after a while!
— I believe that too… So what happened? Did you nuke him?
— No, no… I realised what was going on inside me. I stopped him, and I told him, that I am extremely pissed by the way he is? scolding me.?
— What was his reaction?
— At first he was offended. But since I didn’t start yelling at him, as I usually do, he didn’t get too upset. He told me, that scolding me was far from his intentions. He was just brainstorming possible solutions…
— …
领英推荐
— This type of directive style, really has a horrible effect on me. It’s really good, that nowadays I manage to be mindful of it.
— What would have happened, if you don’t become aware of this fact?
— I would have yelled his head off!
— You know what’s the worst part of it all?
— ?
— You said it yourself: “after a while, I didn’t even hear what he was saying anymore”. And even so, without hearing what he has to say, you still would have yelled his head off!
— True…
— Isn’t it awful?
— It is…
Indeed, that’s the way we, humans, work. When stressed, we reveal our patterns, even if the stress is self-generated. This is what it looks like, when thinker energy meets promoter energies. There is no conflict, but the transmitter is broadcasting on a different frequency, then what the receiver is tuned to.?
Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation? Then you are not yet familiar, with the mysteries of personalised communication. Get in touch, if you want to learn how to speak other people's language!