Confident Conversations: Silence the Inner Critic

Article #10 | January 13, 2025

?? I gave my inner critic a megaphone.

Not intentionally, of course. But there she was, center stage in my mind, broadcasting every doubt, every fear, every "what if" at full volume.

"You're not ready for this promotion." "That meeting could have gone better." "Someone else would handle this differently."

It wasn't until I discovered Dr. Shirzad Chamine's book "Positive Intelligence" that I realized what I'd done: I'd turned my inner critic into the star of my mental show.

The Turning Point

During a personal career transition, my inner critic was working overtime. That's when someone recommended "Positive Intelligence."

The book's central message hit home: Our inner critics aren't protecting us – they're paralyzing us.

(Spoiler- this is a plug for you to read the book, I make no kickbacks off this recommendation.)

The Unexpected Discovery

Here's what I learned: My inner critic wasn't going anywhere. She wasn't packing up her megaphone and leaving the stage.

But I could change how I listened to her.

The Growth Mindset Shift

Instead of trying to silence my inner critic completely (spoiler alert: that doesn't work), I started asking different questions:

• When she says "You're not ready," I ask "What can I learn?"
• When she whispers "You'll fail," I respond "Perhaps, but I'll grow."
• When she shouts "Not good enough," I counter with "Not good enough yet."

The Reality Check

My inner critic is still very much there, and still tries to grab that megaphone.

But now I see her for what she is: a well-meaning but misguided part of me that's stuck in protection mode.

The Daily Practice

Every morning, I acknowledge my inner critic's presence. But I don't give her the stage. Instead, I focus on:

• What can I learn today?
• How can I grow from this challenge?
• What opportunity lies in this obstacle?

The Daily Practice

Everyday, I acknowledge my inner critic's presence. But I don't give her the stage. Instead, I focus on three intentional practices:

1. Morning Reflection

• What can I learn today?
• How can I grow from this challenge?
• What opportunity lies in this obstacle?

2. Reframing Conversations

When that critical voice pipes up, I've learned to pause and reframe:

• "I shouldn't have said that in the meeting" becomes "Next time, I'll approach it differently"
• "Everyone else seems more qualified" becomes "Everyone brings different strengths to the table"

3. Evidence Collection

• I keep a small "wins" document on my phone. Every time something goes well, no matter how small, it goes in the document.

The Leadership Connection

As leaders, our inner critics don't just affect us. They create ripple effects throughout our organizations in ways we might not realize.

• Team Innovation: When we're afraid to fail, our teams become afraid to innovate. But when we openly share our growth moments and learning experiences, we create safety for others to do the same.
• Mentorship Impact: Our inner critic doesn't just show up in our own decisions – it influences how we mentor others. When we learn to recognize and manage our own critical voice, we become better at helping others recognize and manage theirs.
• Cultural Influence: The way we talk to ourselves becomes the model for how our team members talk to themselves. When they see us embracing growth over perfection, acknowledging mistakes as learning opportunities, and speaking kindly about our own development, they begin to do the same.
• Decision Making: A managed inner critic leads to clearer decision-making. Instead of being paralyzed by perfectionism, we can move forward with confidence, knowing that perfect isn't the goal – progress is.

Your Turn

Your inner critic might have a different script, but I bet she (he or they) has a megaphone too.

What would change if you took back the stage?

#PersonalDevelopment #Leadership #ExecutiveCoach

(PS: To my inner critic who's probably critiquing this post right now – thank you for caring. Now please take a seat. We've got work to do.)