There is a fine, but definite line between confidence and arrogance. A confident leader makes others feel secure, heard and relaxed. Arrogance does not produce that response, rather it engenders annoyance, self-doubting and protective responses. Confident leaders build great teams, families and followings. We cheer them on, admire them and follow them willingly.
Confidence is rooted in identity. When know who we are, what we are about and what we value we are less dependent on external applause, affirmation and recognition. We internalize a strong sense of self and mission that rights us when challenges come. When I was a kid there was a toy called a Weeble with the tagline "Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down."?No matter what you did to the Weeble, the egg shaped figure would not topple. It was weighted so that it always righted itself. Confident leaders do that same thing.
How do you build a strong core identity?
- Awareness: Take 15 minutes at the end of the day to mull over your day. Without judgement or recrimination ask yourself a series of questions; "What went well today?" "When was I happy/feeling alive?" "What went wrong?" "How was I feeling when it happened?" "How did I respond?" "What are some things I could do differently?"
- Feedback: Ask others that you respect and trust to give you their input on your leadership. Hire a professional coach, counselor or therapist to talk through internal issues you are facing to get the input/wisdom of others further along the road.
- Boundaries: Define the playing field of your professional life so that it doesn't encroach your private life. Clarify to yourself the bright lines you will not cross. They may seem obvious, but writing them down and referring back to them regularly fosters integrity.
- Inspiration: What makes you laugh? What creates a sense of well-being? Where do you come alive? Who articulates ideas in creative ways? Make time for those people, activities and places - they are food for your soul.
- Story: You are a unique individual. Your life, even when rough, has shaped you. Instead of diminishing that journey, take some time with it. For many years I quickly glossed over my childhood. But as I've revisited that part of my life recently, I've come to more deeply connect with parts of me that had been silenced. In the process I've grown more confident and secure.
Confidence comes from people who deeply know themselves and are secure in the value they uniquely bring to the world. No matter where you are, these steps can help build your identity so that you can be a more confident leader.
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2 年Hi Sam. Your model for building confidence only works for cishet white men, for whom confidence-building and leadership is easy. it’s easy to show up with confidence when you’re interacting with people who look and think like you, but how can you build confidence if your identity is a problem for other people in the room? What if your identity is not welcome? What if showing up as your authentic self is a risk? Women, people who are black or brown, people who are disabled, people who are queer, people who are formerly homeless, people who are refugees, people who are former inmates… this outdated model for building confidence only helps a shard of humanity access leadership. Check out Frances Frei’s TED talk…
aid and support
2 年Thanks for the good lecture dia