The Confidence to Be Vulnerable

July started out as a great month – then it was the worst month of 2022. My husband and I went on vacation for the 4th of July holiday to enjoy much needed rest and relaxation. It was a time of some of my favorite things – sun, beach, and tropical drinks. 

We got back home late Wednesday evening and headed to bed early in anticipation of a busy Thursday – the thought of emails, meetings and “back to work” mindset was kicking in high gear. But instead of waking up to start the workday, we were both awakened by a phone call early that morning telling us that my step-daughter had been rushed to the hospital, having suffered a stroke.  Unsure of how serious it was, or what really happened, we quickly got dressed and rushed to the hospital. 

I wasn’t prepared for the week ahead of heart-wrenching news from the doctors, facing the realities of her state, and praying for a miracle. After a week-long battle in ICU she passed away. 

I still don’t believe that she is gone – I haven’t come to that conclusion.  I would imagine that I’m in the denial stage – it’s too tragic to be true. 

I recall our last dinner together – she invited me out as we hadn’t caught up in a minute; she had just started a new job and was busy finishing her second master’s degree program. She said she couldn’t wait to be done with school which was only a couple of months away. I still remember what I said to her, “we’re going to celebrate when you’re done!” When the check came, I was going to treat her to an early celebration dinner, and she quickly took the check telling me that it was my late mother’s day dinner treat. And as we left each other we said we would see each other soon. 

The months since her passing have been a blur – nothing much has motivated me, I’ve done just what I needed to do to get by. But one thing this has taught me is that there’s another side to what confidence means for me. Often I’ve associated that word with the good side of life, high performance, thriving, but in this valley I realize that it takes real confidence to appreciate the lows of life, be vulnerable, and be true to who I am and where I am even when it’s not what others understand, agree with, or appreciate. 

For a long time I’ve operated under the “never let ‘em see you sweat” mentality – and that has its merit in the right season and circumstance, but that is a terrible way to operate your whole life under. The pressure to perform and keep up pretenses is crushing to the soul – it leaves no room to breathe. 

So the question I’ve been asking myself now is, “How do you really feel?” Because the challenge is to be confident enough to be honest with myself and with others – even when it’s uncomfortable or may make me appear weak. 

Have you given yourself the space and grace to be confident – even in your weakness - in your life? Or have you only associated confidence with the wins and highs of life? 

Over the past few months, I’ve had some very direct conversations professionally that I probably wouldn’t have had before, and I honestly didn’t care what the outcome was. 

I’ve had the confidence to say that…

• Something hurt me, realizing that it doesn’t make me weak – it actually makes me strong 
• I’m tired – and that’s ok
• I don’t want to do more work, and would rather rest – and that’s ok 
• I don’t want to help or fix someone else’s problems – and that’s ok 
• I’m taking a break without worrying about who else is grinding 

In short – I’ve realized that confidence for me is recognizing that I run my own race, at my own pace. I’ve come to realize that rest is essential, and when I can’t push to do another thing that’s ok – that things will get done in their time. The hustle and grind, “gotta get to the top” culture that is often perpetuated by the constant scroll on the ‘gram or Linkedin doesn’t translate to what really matters in life. Because when real life hits you – those highlight reels and posts won’t cut it. More and more, I realize that confidence is tested and tried, not when things are going right, but when life is turned upside down. 

This is my lesson in 2022 – I share it with you as you go into 2023.

Enjoy the highs, post the accolades, but run your own race at your own pace with peace of mind. You’re valuable even when you aren’t producing, and true confidence lies within our ability to be ok with ourselves when life isn’t going as we planned.