Confidence vs. self-esteem

In my mind, confidence and self-esteem are two different muscles—and flexing each of them requires very different skills. Confidence is something I’ve had to learn over time (much like riding a bike or not responding to internet trolls) and use as part of my toolbox to survive moments that would otherwise terrify me, like speaking on live television or pitching to investors. As a natural introvert, confidence can feel pretty performative and tends to be way more about people’s perceptions of you, regardless of how you feel inside. It’s basically the ultimate way of scamming people into thinking you’ve 100 percent got this, even if you’ve only 25 percent got it.

Self-esteem is a whole other beast. It requires more unlearning than anything else. By definition, it means that you know your value and have genuine faith in your abilities. Which isn’t exactly an easy task when you live in a world that constantly tells you that who you are and what you’re doing isn’t even CLOSE to being enough. After all, studies show that girls’ self-esteem peaks at age nine—which is a stat that absolutely blew my mind (and made my eyes well up, too) when I read it. Choosing to love yourself is a radical and neverending investment, which starts from within, and ultimately means that no one else’s opinion of you can shift how you see yourself.

If you were at this year’s Girlboss Rally, there’s no way you don’t remember the force that is Dr. Lauren. She’s a brilliant psychologist and the founder of NOT THERAPY, a 30-day program that helps women and girls rebuild their self-esteem. If I had to synthesize her entire theatrical, inspiration, feel-your-feelings storytelling sesh on the main stage, I’d say her message was this: You are your purpose. And even when you don’t have much faith in the world around you or where you are in life at this moment, have faith in yourself. Because you’re the only factor in your life that you can actually have control of. Chills, I know. 

Even if you weren’t able to make it to the Rally, you can still get a dose of Dr. Lauren’s life-changing advice. TODAY on Girlboss at 12:30 p.m. PT, she’ll be hosting a Digital Fireside, answering all of your questions on mental health and self love—in real-time. If you aren’t already a member, sign up here to get in on the conversation with the one-and-only Dr. Lauren (plus, we have new, inspiring Digital Fireside hosts every week!). I’ll see you in the comments section.

Xo,

Sophia