Confidence in uncertain times.

Confidence in uncertain times.

How may times have you heard or told yourself that you need to have more confidence before you can do something? What if you just don't feel confident because the change you are going through is difficult, there is a lot of uncertainty and the stakes are high? Let's assume a miracle happens while you are sleeping and you have confidence when you wake up in the morning, what do you do with it?

The first thing to remind yourself is that confidence has nothing to do with your identity. Very often the mistake we make is to think about confidence as something we are. We tend to think of confidence as a personal quality or an emotional response rather than a capability that we can create if we engage with a more resourceful thinking. Instead of seeing confidence as a goal to achieve, start by asking yourself what thinking would be helpful for you to get the outcome you want to achieve? Confidence is a capability that you can develop. It is a learned skill. What actions can you take to work on your capability so that you can create a memory of success?

You can build and develop confidence - just like a muscle - when you step out of your comfort zone. To do this you need to give yourself the permission to embrace vulnerability and the courage to not know. Brene' Brown known in particular for her research on shame, vulnerability, and leadership, quotes "it is not fear that gets in our way; it’s armour. When things get tough, do we lean into vulnerability and get curious, or do we self-protect in ways that move us away from our values?" You can work on your confidence when you become curious and willing to accept uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.

It goes without saying that mindset is key. While you cannot control everything happening around you, you can choose how to?respond to it - this is where your freedom lies. Remind yourself of what is important about what you want to manifest and why - this will help you increase your motivation by attaching your emotion to your goal and activating the reward circuits in your brain.

What if you feel anxious? Sometimes it's not about specific fears. It's just about a general feeling that gets in your way doing what you want and doing your best. For me this feeling often manifests through a foggy mind, palpitations and abdominal discomfort. What if you could change your relationship with anxiety so that you felt calmer and more present? What if instead of pushing anxiety away you give yourself the permission to gently invite it? What if you believed anxiety was useful? You could tell yourself: "I feel anxious. That's OK". Accept your negative feelings. You might want to engage with some conscious breathing where your out breath is twice as long as your in breath. Be curious about what you're feeling and thinking without any judgement. By observing your feelings and thoughts you start deactivating the fight or flight reflex. By doing so you also separate your Self from your mind-made I. Once you have accepted your feelings it's time to commit to taking action in line with your value: the things that are most important to you. "What outcome do I want?" and "What can I do to achieve that?" will help you focus.

Researchers suggest it may be possible to train the brain to boost confidence. In a new study, scientists have identified brain activity patterns that can predict a person’s confidence state. What is more, they have discovered that this brain activity can be manipulated to increase self-confidence. Mental simulations—like picturing a confident presentation or successful sales pitch—and physical adjustments such as adopting good posture or putting on a favourite shirt can help boost confidence. Brain imaging shows that making positive, self-affirming choices like these can activate reward centres in the brain—and that creates pleasure and motivation.

Confidence is not about being perfect. Having confidence is about being willing to make mistakes. Do you know anyone who never makes a mistake? Expecting perfection from yourself or others creates unrealistic standards that are likely to create negative thinking. You can end up verbally attacking yourself as well as others. If you struggle with this you might want to try a self-help exercise coming from cognitive behavioural therapy - this is what my CBT hypnotherapist shared with me:

  • A. Activating Event: Describe the situation - be specific.
  • B. Irrational Beliefs: Identify and write down your irrational beliefs about the event. Irrational beliefs are rigid and contain words such as "should" and "must". They tend to exaggerate the badness of an event.
  • C. Consequences: Write down how you felt and acted in relation to the event.
  • D. Disputing: Question the validity of your irrational beliefs.
  • E. Effective New Thinking: Write down your new rational beliefs.
  • F. New Feelings and Actions: Write down how you now feel and act.

Another technique you can use to work on your confidence particularly if fear and anxiety are involved is "coping imagery".

  • Decide the issue you want to work on. It may be a job interview, a presentation in front of a group of people, a social event.
  • Go through the stages of the event and draw up a hierarchy of fears from 0% (no anxiety) up to 100% (the highest amount of anxiety you can experience).
  • Find a comfortable place to sit, uncross your arms and legs, and then close your eyes. Take three deep breaths and visualise yourself in the situation with the lowest level of anxiety on the hierarchy.
  • You may find that at the lowest level on the scale you experience little or no anxiety. If there is no anxiety, move on to the next level. If you do experience anxiety, do the following: take slow comfortable deep breaths through your nose, breathing out through your mouth. Feel your body relaxing.
  • As you breathe in, silently say the word "calm" to yourself. As you breathe out, say the word "relax".
  • Imagine yourself in the situation again seeing things through your own eyes. Take the feelings of relaxation with you into the scene. Imagine acting like a calm, relaxed and confident version of yourself. Go through the whole scene and imagine yourself handling things in a calm and confident way.
  • You may also find it helpful to silently repeat a positive coping statement.

Practice your coping imagery until you reduce the percentage of anxiety to zero, then move on to the next level using the same technique. It will take practice but it will be worth it. You then get out into the real world and face your fears. This is another practice suggested by my hypnotherapist that I wanted to share with you.

Ultimately, it's about learning to get to a stage where we identify with our own being where everything is ok, where nothing is missing. What might be missing is on the human level, the doing level, not on the being dimension - as the spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle reminds us. Confidence is about doing something better to the point that it feels comfortable to you. Gently remind yourself that you can have and develop confidence with on-going practice. It's not about your being. It's about your doing.

#confidence #uncertainty #change #careertransitions #lifetransitions

Keara McAndrew

Client Director | Career Transition and Mobility

2 年

Great article Massimo Roselli and thank you for your excellent Worksop facilitation on Imposter Phenomenom yesterday during #wellbeingweek at #lhh.

Jonathan Morashti

Empowering success in people strategies | Yoga Practitioner | Avid Squash Player | Former Part-Time Actor

2 年

Love this Massimo Roselli!

Ernesto Parisii

Senior Business Continuity Manager at SIX & NLP Master Coach and Trainer

2 年

Absolutely well written! Well done!!

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