Confidence is a skill, not a trait

Confidence. It’s the cornerstone of success in both our personal and professional lives. Yet, for many, confidence can feel like an elusive trait—one that wavers in the face of criticism, setbacks, or self-doubt. But what if I told you that building unshakeable confidence doesn’t have to rely on external validation or fleeting moments of success? What if it’s something you can cultivate from within?

Positive Intelligence (PQ), a concept introduced by Shirzad Chamine in his book Positive Intelligence: Why Only 20% of Teams and Individuals Achieve Their True Potential, is the practice of strengthening the “mental muscles” that allow us to combat self-sabotaging patterns while fostering a more resilient, optimistic mindset. By training our minds to operate from a place of clarity and calm rather than fear and doubt, we can build the kind of confidence that withstands life’s inevitable challenges.

I’ve created the Unshakeable Confidence group coaching program, based on PQ, to help professionals develop their confidence from the ground up. Here’s how.

1. Understand the Role of Saboteurs

Our self-confidence is often undermined by internal “saboteurs”—the voices of self-doubt, perfectionism, procrastination, or overthinking that play on repeat in our minds. These saboteurs thrive on negativity, feeding us narratives like “You’re not good enough,” “You’ll fail if you try,” or “You must be perfect to succeed.”

Identifying your dominant saboteurs is the first step to disarming them.

Are you overly critical of yourself?

Do you avoid challenges out of fear of failure?

Naming these tendencies gives you the power to challenge their grip and begin replacing destructive thoughts with constructive ones.

My "loudest" saboteurs are hyper-vigilant (which means I can be overly worried about things), the pleaser (where I look after others’ needs and wishes and sometimes forget my own, and then resent it!) and the restless (which means I feel like I always need to be doing something and forgo nourishing rest).

Once you are able to identify and hear your saboteurs you can start quietening them – breaking that vicious cycle of negative thoughts and responses.

2. Tap Into Your Sage Mindset

In Positive Intelligence, the “Sage” represents the calm, wise, and resourceful part of your mind. Unlike your saboteurs, the Sage focuses on possibilities, solutions, and growth. Building confidence starts with shifting from the saboteur mindset to the Sage mindset, where challenges are reframed as opportunities to learn and grow.

For example, instead of seeing a "failed" presentation as proof you’re not good at public speaking, your Sage sees it as valuable feedback that will make your next presentation stronger. This shift allows you to face setbacks without losing trust in yourself.

3. Build Your Mental Fitness With Guidance and the Power of Community

Just like physical fitness, mental fitness requires consistent training. Strengthening your Positive Intelligence means learning to notice when your saboteurs take over and pivoting to your Sage mindset. But let’s face it: it’s much easier—and faster—to stay consistent when you have the right support.

That’s why the Unshakeable Confidence Program combines the PQ program and app, plus personal guidance and a sense of community. As your guide, I’ll provide accountability, reminders, and regular check-ins to help you stay on track. You’ll also be part of a supportive group of professionals on the same journey, where shared insights and encouragement accelerate your growth.

The “group effect” is powerful. Hearing others share their experiences with saboteurs like the Hyper-Achiever or Judge helps you feel seen and understood, while offering fresh strategies for growth. Together, we’ll celebrate wins, tackle challenges, and create an environment that helps confidence flourish.

Confidence doesn’t grow in isolation. By surrounding yourself with positivity, guidance, and connection, you’ll build your mental fitness more effectively—and create the foundation for unshakeable confidence that lasts.

4. Celebrate Progress Over Perfection

One of the most common ways our saboteurs undermine our confidence is by convincing us we must always strive for perfection. The Hyper-Achiever insists that your worth depends on flawless results, the Stickler demands you meet impossibly high standards, the Judge criticizes you for any perceived shortcoming, and the Pleaser may push you to seek approval from others as proof of your value.

But perfection is an impossible standard—and striving for it only leads to stress, insecurity, and burnout. True confidence comes from embracing progress, not perfection. Celebrate small wins, recognize growth, and remind yourself that every step forward, no matter how small, is proof of your resilience and capability. Over time, you’ll learn to trust in your efforts and value the journey, rather than focusing solely on the end result.

Letting go of perfectionism doesn’t mean settling for mediocrity. It means freeing yourself from the unrealistic expectations of your saboteurs and instead embracing the joy of continuous learning improvement.

5. Practice Self-Compassion

Confidence doesn’t mean being perfect. It means being human—allowing yourself to make mistakes, stumble, and grow. Self-compassion is a powerful tool in Positive Intelligence, helping you treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a friend.

The next time you catch yourself spiralling into self-criticism, pause and ask: “What would I say to a friend in this situation?” By practicing self-compassion, you silence your saboteurs and build a foundation of trust in yourself.

Confidence Is a Skill, Not a Trait

Here’s the truth: confidence isn’t something you’re born with or without. It’s a skill you can develop, and Positive Intelligence provides a proven roadmap to do so. By identifying and quieting your inner saboteurs, embracing your Sage mindset, and building mental fitness, you can create a deep, unshakeable confidence that empowers you to take on challenges, pursue your goals, and show up as your best self.

Remember this: confidence isn’t about being fearless. It’s about being willing to face fear, knowing you have the inner strength to handle whatever comes next.

Unleash Your Unshakeable Confidence

If building unshakeable confidence resonates with you, the Unshakeable Confidence Program could be your next step. This program is designed to help you quiet your inner saboteurs, strengthen your Positive Intelligence, and cultivate a mindset that empowers you to thrive in any situation. Through a blend of practical tools, mental fitness exercises, and personalized support, you’ll gain the skills to overcome self-doubt and unlock your full potential.

Curious about where to start? Take the Saboteur Assessment to uncover which self-sabotaging patterns may be holding you back. I’d love to connect with you to review your results during a free report review session and explore how this program can help you transform your confidence and your life.

Click here to learn more about the program: Unshakeable Confidence Program

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Helen von Dadelszen is on a mission to help professionals speak with more confidence. As the founder of the Present Potential Academy, she provides practical coaching and training on a range of speaking and presentation skills.

Her superpower is unlocking professionals' potential when they speak - whether it's in front on their industry, their board, their staff or a potential funder or client. She believes that finding the right words and matching that with a confident and professional delivery leads to success. She specialises in using the voice and body effectively and teaching pesky butterflies to fly in formation. Helen works mostly with non-native English speakers and those from academia, NGOs and the healthcare field.