Confidence is the secret to success

Confidence, the main difference between decisions that can shape our lives for the better or keep us stuck in our patterns, the answer is confidence. I never fully understood self-esteem until I grew older. I gained perspective through my own experiences and saw a world where many people are stuck. The inner war, the conflict that grips which we are with who we want to be, and the casualties from the resulting battle. If life is a battlefield, then confidence is our lifeline to a world beyond this fight.

When I was ten years old, I never imagined I would give an intelligence brief to over three hundred people, and it never occurred to me that I would be the one with the knowledge people sought. Until it happened, I spent my military career giving presentations to different levels of command, and often the unit as a whole, public speaking is a gift, and if you have the confidence to do so, use it.

Are you interested in public speaking but always hit a roadblock? Contact me here.

How to build self-confidence

Confidence is the answer. In this article, I do my best to teach you how to build self-confidence.

I choose confidence because I am an absolute optimist, but realistically you’ll need to act in the world to gain anything. The herd never moves, they only dream of action. No one wants to be apart of the crowd, it’s just more comfortable, more natural than working your face off for the tiniest gain. It’s easier to play it safe, knowing you won’t have to risk it all, but life is not barren.

A victory no matter how small is still a victory, celebrate your small victories, that is the only way you’ll win the war. Confidence gives us the courage to act with our interests in this war, selfishness is one of the selfless acts you can commit, as you grow the world around you moves to meet your level.

I learned to celebrate small victories in Marine Corps basic training, the pressure and hardship were challenging, but each small win empowered me. It gave me something I didn’t know I had, strength, and the more victories I won, the stronger I became. Small victories add up. They help you build confidence so that you have when it counts the most.

Consider the following;

It is not sufficient just to remain calm in the event of catastrophe or emergency. When challenged by adversity, charge onwards with courage and jubilation. This is rising to a higher level. It is like saying, “The more water there is, the higher the boat rises.”

Hagakure

Battling low self-esteem

I think everyone is insecure at some level, even if we don’t talk about it, we all battle low self-esteem. We live in a culture that continually measures approval from external forces, when do we work within, when do we work on building confidence?

I recommend, when you feel that voice that says you aren’t good enough, it’s up to you to be the one that stands up and says, “Yes, I am.” Have the confidence and the courage to stand up for yourself when you’re on the disempowering end. Most of all, stop saying things that don’t align with a confident person.

Battling low self-esteem is a daily battle, the moment you stop fighting it, you leave your mind with a space to fill, and it’s more likely to be filled with negativity.

View yourself confidently

Confidence denotes our belief more importantly in who we are. It’s crucial to set time aside to view yourself confidently; the first time I did this was in the Marine Corps.

As a young Corporal, I was preparing for the corporal of the quarter board. Each quarter the same rank would compete to determine who would become their NCO of the quarter. Thanks to my leadership guidance and my confidence, I won.

The competition involved several elements; a physical test, a uniform inspection, drill knowledge, current world news, and Marine Corps knowledge. The men whom I competed against weren’t normal in any fashion. They strived to be the best in their section, and it was the best versus the best.

We all knew we were competing against ourselves and what we’re capable of, that’s the real competition, can you get out of your way?

Perceiving who you are confidently is similar to pretending, see yourself in each challenge you’ll face, and you’ll discover the resolve to meet each challenge. I didn’t want to win. I believe I was going to win, wanting had nothing to do with it.

Everyone wants a better life, everyone wants to make more money and travel the world, but few possess the belief they can. Self-confidence is the key to changing that belief. Building confidence is half of the equation. The other half is defending yourself from the inevitable doubt, procrastination, and distractions.

It’s easier to write or draw a version of this confident you, your conscious will respond better to the image, and the more specific you are, the more precise picture of you.

Believe in yourself. Faith is your weapon against doubt, procrastination, and distractions. Look around you. You’re professionally studying faith.

Many of us can’t explain how our cell phones work down to the part, but we trust that it will. It is eye-opening when you see how much faith you already have in your life, all I am suggesting is you put some of that faith in you.

I know I don’t know everything, I know I will continue to fail, but as long as I grow and believe I can, there is no limit to the growth I will experience. Self-confidence is undying faith in yourself.

This faith must pair with action. I didn’t just believe in my abilities; I worked out, studied, and made all preparations for my uniform. I asked for guidance from some of the senior Marines, and after borrowing some of their experience, I was ready.

Be ready for opportunities, view yourself as the person who grabs opportunity, perceive yourself confidently.

Take stock confidently

The next step in building confidence is doing a complete analysis of where you currently are in life. Your mind keeps track even if you don’t. When we take stock confidently, we are completely honest about our situation.

You can’t bend reality to your will, not yet, but you can shift it day by day through small practices. If you don’t know where you’re at, it’s almost impossible to guide yourself to the next level, let alone build confidence. The best way to look at your reality is to do a complete SWOT (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats) analysis on you. A SWOT will give you a good idea for where you need to place your energy when you focus on self-improvement.

Growth is uncomfortable, the more comfortable you make it on yourself, the more likely it will continue building consistent momentum. Your goal, to reduce the amount of suffering by shifting your attitude from where it’s at, it’s easy to be positive until you’re in a stressful situation. We revert back to old habits and patterns, but if we shift these habits, our confidence will soar.

The one habit many of us have is negative self-talk; if you make one small shift in your attitude, don’t say anything that makes you sound weak. Your mind is powerful, and it’s listening, it’s more suggestive than we care to admit, all of your self-talk matters. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

Stop saying things that make you weak.

Jordan Peterson

Most negative self-talk comes from low self-esteem, once upon a time, the voice in us stopped believing in our capabilities. We draw limits and construct narratives to hide our limited beliefs. You have a choice now. You can build your ideas up and crush your limits, or live in a cage.

It’s not easy, but you do have a choice. Being human isn’t meant to be easy; it’s an experience.

Take stock of who you are and expand on that experience.

Take great care of yourself

If you take great care of yourself, it shows you’re willing to put yourself first, a big part of confidence is self-love. Self-love involves taking care of your body and mind. Self-care is the key to self-respect. I understood this more as I expanded my skills.

Self-love is another term for discipline, choosing what you should do or the things that benefit you over the things that weigh you down. Physically, if you take care of yourself, you’ll have more energy, feel more energetic, think more transparent, and can handle situations that exert mental pressure. The body impacts the brain, and how we treat it is a significant indicator of how we view ourselves.

If you find yourself stuck in your thoughts like I have many times, you can physically train confidence in your mind. When we workout, we’re not thinking about how the muscle is moving, our brain sees the symbolism first then function, it sees us as strong. Rarely do I feel tired because I’m working out every day, there are times when I stay up later than I should, but other than that, I have more energy and focus than ever.

The mind is the next great tool. If you take anything from this article, I beg of you to guard your mind. It is the most powerful, complex, and easily influenced factor in our lives. The good news is that no one can steal the decision you take in your attitude towards life’s problems, but they can and will try to influence your understanding or perception. We can’t help it because we believe we know best, not for ourselves, more for other people than anything.

That voice or other people’s opinion as I like to call it is useless, the voice you need to listen to most is your own. People often have the best intentions, but those often bring about the worse of our fates, plans are best when made for ourselves, for how can we dare to know what is best for the life of another.

The ego believes it knows best, the ego knows, but the soul understands. Everyone must walk their path, the best we can and should do is support each other along the way, if you see me on your road, say hello. 

As Morpheus from the Matrix said, “I’m trying to free your mind, Neo. But I can only show you the door. You’re the one that has to walk through it.”

Step outside of your comfort zone

If you want to change your attitude, change your mind, if you’re feeling stuck, step outside of your environment. The moment you step out of your comfort zone, you will begin to change, change is constant, we adapt more to replace than any other species on Earth. Never underestimate how powerful an environment can be in your life; even a slight shift can shift the way you think.

When I went to the military, it was a complete environment shift. No military branch has basic training like the Marines. In thirteen weeks, they grab a group of strangers, train and sharpen them until someone else is standing in front of their family on graduation day. I consider this similar to jumping into freezing ice water. It will wake you up.

Maybe you want a different approach, I understand, I achieved similar results by merely going to the gym. Now and then I’ll take a few weeks off from working out, the last time I took a break, I took a few months. I could feel myself sinking into my situation. I knew the solution. Fitness gets out of your house and out of your mind. The movement itself has its benefits for thinking, but working out is the simplest way to build confidence.

You pick an amount of weight, load the weight onto a machine, and lift the weight. You just told your subconscious, “I can do this.” One or two times will feel good, but a few thousand times, you’ll feel the shift in confidence.

Physical training shouldn’t be discomforting to us, but it is, it’s not a requirement, but it should be. Just as you can’t exist without your environment, there is no you without the body connected to it, build strength, and you’ll feel capable of stepping outside of your comfort zone.

Take ownership, extreme ownership

Take ownership of your life, extreme ownership, take ownership of things that aren’t your responsibility. We gain experience when we accept a new quest or adventure. I love those terms because responsibility is always there. It never goes away, it stays there for the taking, waiting for one brave soul to grip it like Excalibur.

What will they think of me? What if I fail? What if I fail, and it embarrasses me?

All of these questions are perceived threats, irrelevant, but perceived threats, whatever the world responds with is feedback for us. You can use this feedback to get stronger or smarter; on the other hand, you can claim the victim mentality and use it as an excuse to stay where you are. Ownership is a choice.

My Sergeant put me in charge at my first duty station, I didn’t have a say in the matter, and while the responsibility was scary, I believed in myself. I grew into an excellent leader from that experience, and I failed many times along the way. Without those failures and responsibilities, I would never know my potential.

I would stay with the ninety-eight percent and dream about what our life could, about a time when change occurs, and shifts things in our favor. I would instead charge forward with the two percent, unyielding in our convictions and confident in our cause.

Take ownership, and do yourself a favor, don’t waste your mental energy on what people think of you, save it for the journey of ahead of you. If you find something bothering you, take responsibility for fixing it, you are the one who has the power to do so.

YOU are the answer you’re seeking.

Confidence building exercises

I can’t tell you to be confident and expect everything to click. To help you along, here are some confidence-building exercises. I have picked these up along the way both in and out of the Marine Corps.

My favorite confidence-building exercise is the “Power Stance.” Body language is a significant part of our communication but not a very active one unless you’re a talented speaker. The Power Stance is just as it sounds, stand up, and take a pose as if you were Superman or Wonder Woman. The sillier you feel, the better. The goal is to stand confidently for fifteen to thirty seconds. By striking a confident pose, we’re allowing positive energy to flow through us. We are creating confidence. Trust me, it’s hard to be intimidated if you’re in a Power Stance, it’s also much easier to command attention.

The next exercise is gratitude. Sometimes it’s not that we aren’t confident, but we’re focusing on too many of the wrong things to allow ourselves to feel confident. Every morning or at least once a day, you should be writing down five things that make you feel grateful. It changes your attitude and overall perception in your life, giving you more confidence. Gratitude is scientifically proven to rewire the way we think if you want to know how to build trust, start practicing gratitude.

Finally, what you have been waiting for, affirmations. Guess what, they work! Words are compelling, and if you start practicing affirmations that describe someone you wish to be, don’t be surprised when that person begins appearing before you. I believe affirmations alone are not enough, but affirmations are a start to building confidence. Spend a few moments each day and tell yourself, “I am confident, confidence flows through me.” Then feel the sensation rush over you just as the chills would become confident through your words.

The last exercise is affirmations, but specifically at night and with one purpose, to generate as much self-love as possible before you fall asleep. After your prayers or nightly routine, and once you lay down, you will put yourself in a state of bliss. You will elevate your value and worth to that of a King or Queen. You will shower yourself with adoration and confidence. The goal is to fall asleep with this feeling in your mind. Our subconscious mind is more susceptible to influence as we get tired, often it is the things we carry heavy on our mind that enters our dream.

Shift what you carry, instead of your problems, bring your confidence, and allow your subconscious to do the work.

Consider a confidence coach

If the exercises don’t work, consider hiring a confidence coach, I grew up with coaches, so for me, it’s a regular thing. Coaches are experts that can assist you with getting somewhere you haven’t been. A confidence coach helps assist you with overcoming your challenges, limits, and beliefs.

The key to finding a successful confidence coach is that they should be able to meet you where you are, your beliefs, and limits accepted as reality. Otherwise, they’re unable to help you. These challenges are real. If they weren’t real, they wouldn’t be a problem. A confidence coach should empower you as a physical trainer would empower their client with proper nutrition, workout, and continued guidance.

If you find you and a coach don’t fit well, have the confidence to walk away, your power is in your attention.

If you’re interested in working one on one, please schedule a call with me, these spots are limited as I only have so much time to provide individual coaching.

Author’s summary

Building confidence is not a single answer, but instead a complexity of items done correctly, self-confidence, when achieved, I believe, leads to self-actualization. We gain the courage to step outside of our village and face the wilderness. We find that what we were searching for was in us all along.

Self-confidence is no easy task and should become a daily habit, something that will sharpen our will and resolve when we stumble. Life is full of problems and obstacles. How you encounter them will be your choice. I implore you to confront them with everything you have.

If you want to build confidence, I created this course to help you build confidence in 21 days.

P.S. Right now the course is free, it’s in the initial stages, but it won’t be free for long.

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