Confidence is the result of success or failure?

In this small article, I would like to argue that confidence is built with failure more than it is with success.

In one of Dr's K video where he discussed procrastination (Link is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvRtVuwcrnY), he said that confidence is built with failure and not success. It immediately sparked a debate inside my head.

While success and failure are both equally important to building confidence, I will attempt to take his position and see whether or not failure is actually the deciding factor.

While success can certainly provide a momentary boost to one's self-esteem, it is through failure that individuals develop resilience, adaptability, and the courage to persevere. Confidence is not just about feeling good when things go well—it’s about having the inner strength to keep going when they don't. As Samuel Beckett once said, "Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better."

The Role of Failure in Building Confidence

Failure forces individuals to confront their limitations, to question their assumptions, and, most importantly, to grow. In her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, psychologist Carol Dweck argues that those with a "growth mindset" view failure as an opportunity to improve. This mindset leads to sustained confidence because individuals become accustomed to tackling challenges head-on, learning from them, and emerging stronger. Dweck contrasts this with a "fixed mindset," in which success is viewed as a validation of inherent abilities, and failure is feared and avoided. In the long run, the growth mindset leads to greater confidence because it enables individuals to handle adversity, rather than being derailed by it.

Failures teach valuable lessons about persistence, adaptability, and self-awareness, all of which are foundational to true confidence. As entrepreneur and motivational speaker Tony Robbins often states, "Success is the result of good judgment, good judgment is the result of experience, and experience is often the result of bad judgment." This cycle suggests that failure is an essential stepping stone to success, and in turn, it is what equips individuals with the confidence to face future challenges.

Confidence Through Resilience, Not Perfection

While success may offer a fleeting sense of accomplishment, it is failure that teaches resilience—a key component of lasting confidence. Failure conditions individuals to face setbacks without crumbling. As the legendary football coach Vince Lombardi famously said, "It's not whether you get knocked down; it's whether you get up." The act of rising after a fall builds a type of confidence that success alone cannot provide. Resilience born from failure instills a deep-seated belief that setbacks are temporary, and that no challenge is insurmountable.

This notion of resilience is echoed by renowned author J.K. Rowling, who famously endured multiple rejections before her Harry Potter series was accepted for publication. Rowling reflected on the importance of her failures in a Harvard commencement speech, saying, "It is impossible to live without failing at something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all—in which case, you fail by default." Her failures shaped her not only as a writer but as an individual with unshakable confidence in her ability to succeed despite setbacks.

Failure Cultivates Self-Awareness

Failure also plays a pivotal role in fostering self-awareness, another cornerstone of confidence. When people fail, they are forced to confront their weaknesses and blind spots, often leading to personal growth. Success, on the other hand, can sometimes blind individuals to their shortcomings, making them more vulnerable to future failures. Confidence built on failure is stronger because it is based on an honest understanding of one’s limitations and the steps taken to overcome them.

In his book The Art of Learning, chess prodigy and martial artist Josh Waitzkin explains that failure taught him far more than success ever did. Waitzkin, who lost his first major chess tournament at age nine, reflects on how that defeat shaped his approach to learning and life. He notes that his confidence grew not from his victories, but from the lessons he learned in defeat. Waitzkin writes, "Losses are what make us who we are. Failure is where all the real insights come from." In this way, failure is not just an inevitable part of life—it is the fertile ground from which confidence grows.

The Temporary Nature of Success

Relying on success to build confidence is risky because success is often fleeting. When individuals base their confidence solely on achievements, they become vulnerable to external circumstances. A single failure can shake their foundation, leading to self-doubt and insecurity. In contrast, those who derive their confidence from overcoming failure develop an inner fortitude that is not dependent on external validation.

This point is made clear by celebrated psychologist Albert Bandura, who pioneered the concept of "self-efficacy"—the belief in one's ability to succeed. Bandura's research found that mastery through overcoming challenges, rather than easy success, is what leads to lasting confidence. He explains that when people experience repeated success without failure, their confidence becomes fragile. They may begin to avoid challenging situations for fear of failure, which can stifle growth. On the other hand, people who encounter and overcome failure gain a deeper sense of self-efficacy, knowing they can handle whatever comes their way.

The Courage to Fail as a Source of Confidence

It takes immense courage to fail and try again, and this courage is what breeds confidence. When individuals experience failure, they learn to embrace discomfort, uncertainty, and even fear. Over time, this willingness to confront failure diminishes the fear of it, which paradoxically increases confidence. As Nelson Mandela famously said, "I never lose. I either win or learn." This mindset allows individuals to view failure not as a dead-end but as part of a larger process of learning and growth.

The willingness to fail is also a hallmark of innovation and creativity. In Creative Confidence, Tom and David Kelley, the founders of IDEO, emphasize the importance of a "fail-forward" mentality. They argue that confidence in one’s creative abilities comes from trying, failing, and iterating. By allowing room for failure, individuals cultivate a deeper belief in their ability to succeed, even if they don’t get it right the first time.

Conclusion: Confidence Born from Failure is Enduring

In conclusion, while success may give individuals a temporary sense of achievement, it is failure that fosters lasting confidence. Failure teaches resilience, self-awareness, and adaptability—qualities that are far more essential to long-term success than any single victory. As individuals learn to embrace failure and use it as a tool for growth, they build a type of confidence that is unshakeable. To quote Winston Churchill: "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts." Confidence is not the absence of failure; it is the mastery of perseverance through failure. In the end, true confidence is not about always succeeding, but about knowing that no matter the outcome, you can handle whatever comes your way and keep moving forward. It is through failure that individuals develop the skills, mindset, and resilience that build real, enduring confidence.