Confidence Restored

It started out as a surprise. It was snowing and my three children were outside our home enjoying this premature white stuff falling from the heavens. It is Thursday, October 12, 2006, Williamsville, New York, about 14 miles north of Buffalo.

I was already at work when the photo came through my personal email. I had already moved to Richmond, Virginia to start a new job two weeks before. “That’s nice”, I thought to myself. A few little snow flurries to remind us we were in Buffalo, but only for a few more weeks. 

But this was no little snowstorm. By night fall, there was 22 inches of snow on the ground. Every tree, I mean every tree, still had leaves which caught that snow, but the branches could not withstand the weight of the white, fluffy stuff and each tree gave way and snapped in half. The pole mounted electric transformer, in our backyard, was popping and flying sparks like the fourth of July, as the elements continued to bring havoc to our peaceful neighborhood. Power lines were down, and the town was plunged into darkness.

Whereas for me, it was 70 degrees in Richmond that day, blue sky, a lovely autumn day. I was able to reach my family throughout that afternoon and evening, by phone for updates on how they were doing. I felt miserable that I was here, and my family was there.

It took a week for the power to be restored to our home. Just about 10 miles away my wife’s father had some snow, but not the blizzard we had. Fortunately, my family camped out with grandpa for about a week before power was restored. Through all that, our sump pump held out and our basement stayed dry. My concern was that with sale of our home, two weeks away, we did not need any other surprises, like a flooded basement.

Two weeks later I flew back to Williamsville to see all our worldly goods packed up in a huge moving van and we headed south. Night had already descending upon us, but immediately before getting in the car, my wife put her hand to her neck and felt a lump she had not felt there before. We needed to get on the road as we had a few hours to drive before we got to where we were staying for the night. This lump would have to wait until we got to Richmond. The next day we rolled into town, with our bichon named Scooter on my wife’s lap. After an evening meal, we settled in for the night, in our corner room on the top floor. The kids still have fond memories of their night in the hotel, with the dog, and mention it even today when we drive pass the hotel.

Surgery was the prognosis for my wife’s lump. The surgeon removed half of her thyroid, the biopsy was benign, she would have to live with half a thyroid. She did not need any other treatment or medication. Instinctively, though there was still another matter to take care of with another member of the family, sooner rather than later.

Our eldest son, now in his late teens, had a birth anomaly with his chest breastbone that we wanted a surgeon in Norfolk, Virginia to examine. The back story, once again, reinforced the fact that God was moving through our family. A church friend wanted me to see a magazine article about my employer. Flipping to the article, I happened to turn one page beyond the article and found a second more interesting article. Its subject was addressing my son’s condition. The surgeon we planned to see was being featured, with a full explanation of my son’s condition and the procedure he would eventually go through. Coincidence, I don’t think so.

Our son went through his procedure the next summer, closing out his gap year between his high school graduation and just prior to the start of his freshman year in college. For the first few weeks, he was confined to his La-Z-Boy? chair. His chest felt like an elephant was standing on it.

When he arrived at college in the Fall, he soon found two of his dorm buddies with the same condition as he did. He said, “You know you can get that fixed”. My son had a surgically inserted curved, metal bar inside his chest cavity for three years, to initially pop his chest out and alleviate any possible pressure his heart and lung could experience. After three years, the bar was surgically removed.

My career move to Richmond was the first transfer I made with my family. My only other job transfer was before marriage. So, the impact was 5X what I had experienced before, since now I was relocating with a wife and three children. We finished out 2006 in a different home, new city, and new job.

A New Year

2007 was a new year but was not starting out well. My parents in Ohio were not doing well and my brother was checking on them as he could, between being a husband and father to their three children. He would call me when Mom went in for tests or when Dad had fallen and was going to have surgery to reset his broken leg. I was trying to learn a new job, in between taking phone calls from my brother, who was keeping me updated with our folk’s health. My wife’s recovery, my son’s recovery, my Mom and Dad both in health crises and me in a new city, different environment and new job took its toll to my energy and my confidence.

I made it to November, just barely. There were times I could not think of what I needed to do next, I felt frozen, unable to move anything forward. I was not enjoying my job; I desperately needed a way out of it.

The day of my annual performance review I was on the phone, with my two managers, the stress got so bad, I could not speak. I tried to talk, and nothing came out. My primary manager could sense something was going on asked, “Are you alright?” I said, “No.” We ended the review and my manager immediately went into action. She had me talk to our site Employee Assistance Program counselor and I was in an outpatient half-day counseling session the next day in a local hospital. Those sessions lasted for a month. When I was asked whether I wanted my old job back, I declined. My manager was able to move me into another role and I was eventually was able to move off site and work from home.

I had come through a month of group therapy with a diagnosis and medication to take the edge off things and get me back to a new normal. I was coping better.

The call came in late January that my Dad was not doing well and refused to eat. I felt I needed to be there with my family. Both my parents were in a hospital, Mom in a room around the corner from Dad, as she could not bare to see my Dad in his condition. It was obvious Dad did not have long, when I got there. I am not sure he recognized me when I’d visit.

He passed within a few days, while Mom and I were out for lunch. My brother and I had to make final arrangements, my Dad gone, Mom alone for the first time in 61 years. In about a week I returned to Richmond.

My new job required some additional training, out of town in Delaware. I was in class when my brother called about Mom. She was a cancer survivor of 20 years, but this was not cancer, it was her lungs. I left the training with the clothes I had packed for training week and booked a flight to Cincinnati. It was 4 months since Dad passed, and now Mom. It is mid-May. I arrived and spoke with my brother about Mom’s condition. Her lungs were filling up as fast as they could keep them clear. He then had “the talk” with Mom about moving her into hospice and she agreed. I slept in her room, on a chair her last two nights.

My brother came to the hospital when the nurse said it would not be long now. It was just the three of us, in the room, my brother and I singing hymns as she slowly slipped away. It was a repeat of what we just experienced with Dad a few months before. I was numb but doing what was necessary. Returning to Richmond once again.

I moved to a different office at work and then a few months later began working from home. My energy and confidence were coming back as I was able to execute my projects feeling satisfied with my accomplishments.

Fast forward, seven years, I was told my job in Richmond was being eliminated. How would I get through this next major life change? I had my experiences to draw on and my faith knowing God never gives me something that I can’t handle with HIS help. My confidence had been restored and together we’ll get through this too. 

Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ ---Philippians 1:6