The Confidence Paradox: Why Great Leaders Need Critics

As a leader, you’re going to find yourself in the spotlight, which means your decisions and actions can be subject to scrutiny from all angles. Criticism can be a valuable tool for growth, but it can also shake your confidence and leave you questioning your abilities.?

Learning to handle criticism effectively could be your secret weapon for accelerating your career development and strengthening your leadership because it allows you to develop yourself quickly and avoid wasting energy overthinking and doubting yourself. But it’s easier said than done so where can you start if the very idea of criticism currently sends you into a tailspin??

If you prefer to listen than read you can find the Career & Leadership Real Talk Podcast Episode here

The Brain's Response to Criticism

Before we start exploring strategies, let's understand why criticism stings the way it does. When someone criticises you, your brain treats it as a threat, triggering the same fight, flight, or freeze response as physical danger. This reaction is rooted in our evolutionary past, where rejection from the group could mean vulnerability, isolation and ultimately a threat to survival.?

Someone telling you that you’re talking nonsense is clearly not a threat to actual survival, but the brain processes it as if it was. Which might prompt a defensive reaction where you try to justify your position (fight) or a people pleasing reaction where you pull back and don’t risk being judged so harshly next time (flight)

Constructive vs. Destructive Criticism

Not all criticism is created equal. Learning to differentiate between constructive and destructive feedback matters because they might sound the same in the first instance but what you might want to do with them is often different

Constructive criticism is more likely to focus on specific behaviours or outcomes (although not always, depending on the skill of the person delivering it). It’s delivered with the intent to help you improve. It often comes from respected colleagues or mentors and it allows for dialogue and clarification.

Destructive criticism, on the other hand, may stem from the critic's insecurities, biases or opinions. It tends to be vague, personal, and rarely offers actionable insights.

It can be tempting to dismiss destructive criticism outright, but it’s worth putting ego aside to consider whether there might be a kernel of truth hidden within that could inform your development. Or at the very least to consider what you can learn about how to influence the person who gave it should you need to.?

Developing a Resilient Mindset

Building resilience is key to handling criticism without losing confidence. Here are some strategies to help build a resilient mindset:

1. Practise self-acceptance and self-awareness: Acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses without self judgement. Criticism doesn't define your worth.

2. Reframe criticism as an opportunity: Approach feedback with curiosity. Ask yourself, "What can I learn from this?"

3. Talk nicely to yourself: Notice how you speak to yourself and cultivate a habit of self-compassion.

4. Adopt a growth mindset: Remind yourself that you have the ability to develop and improve through effort and persistence.

5. Build a support network: Surround yourself with colleagues and mentors who believe in your potential and offer constructive rather than destructive feedback.

Strategies for Responding to Criticism

When faced with criticism, try these approaches to lessen the sting and maximise the learning:

1. Active listening and clarifying questions: Seek to understand by asking for specific examples or suggestions for improvement.

2. Separate the feedback from the person: Evaluate the criticism objectively, regardless of who gave it.?

3. Navigate destructive criticism professionally: Acknowledge the feedback without engaging in outwardly defensive behaviour, and politely disengage if necessary. Acknowledging it doesn’t mean you have to act on it!?

Incorporating Criticism into Your Development

Once you've mastered handling criticism, use it as a tool for growth:

1. Actively seek feedback: Don't wait for criticism to come to you. Regularly ask for input from colleagues and stakeholders.

2. Reflect objectively: “Filter” the feedback by considering how it aligns with your self-assessment and other input you've received.

3. Use mentors and coaches: If filtering on your own is tricky, use their guidance to help you sift through what’s worth acting on.

4. Document and track progress: Keep a record of feedback received (positive feedback as well as criticism) and what you’ve learnt or changed as a result of it. This can serve as a powerful reminder of your growth (and your capacity to grow) over time.

Putting It into Practice

Here's a simple exercise to get you started. Use it now and come back to it when you receive criticism in the future

• Recall a piece of criticism you’ve received.
• Write down your initial emotional reaction.
• Now, try to reframe it: What could you learn from this feedback?
• Identify one small, actionable step you could take based on this criticism.
• Commit to implementing this step within the next week.

Criticism doesn't define your worth or capabilities. Successful leaders have a commitment to continuous improvement and an ability to use feedback – both positive and negative – as a catalyst for growth.?

Don’t give criticism the power of having meaning when it comes who you are, See it simply as an external view that may or may not be helpful and you reduce its power and the emotional sting it creates?

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This article is based on a more comprehensive blog post exploring the nuances of handling criticism as a leader. You’ll find the full blog here