Confidence & Language: The Impact of Language on Self-Perception and Personal Brand

Event: Free Career Accelerator Event: Momentum

Is 2024 the year you were getting your career back on track....and yet it’s June, and you haven’t made the progress you’d hoped for?

Working with thousands of smart, talented and ambitious women we have seen far too many rely on the old success formula as a strategy to achieving their goals - you know the one that says confidence comes from qualifications, experience and working (damn) hard.

We know there’s another way, a new way. A new success formula. The one that will stop all the…

• Self-doubt and second-guessing yourself
• Waiting and procrastination about whether it’s the right time to ask, to talk, to leave
• Worrying if you're doing a good job or not or
• Feeling frustrated at being overlooked for that promotion or pay rise you know you deserve.

Momentum is your chance to take a give yourself space and calibrate. To get clear about what is working (and what's not) and to connect with an incredible community of like-minded women.

Register now and join us for Momentum 2024 , an interactive workshop purposefully created to help you get back on track when it comes to achieving your goals in career and life this year.

Coaching Conversation:

Danika had initially achieved good career progression, but as she approached her early thirties, she was feeling discouraged because, despite her best attempts, she’d been passed over for promotion a few times and felt as though she wasn’t being taken seriously by more senior stakeholders in her organisation.

Danika heard about the impact of the Acts of Confidence program and decided that she wanted to explore what was getting in the way of attaining the career progression she wanted, so she signed up.

Early in the program, Danika learned about the importance of being visible and building her brand and influence with key stakeholders to build credibility and trust (Act of Confidence # Build Your Brand, Profile, and Influence). As Kate and Fiona talked about the connection between language and confidence, she became aware of how she was speaking to herself (her inner critic, which was quite harsh) and the language she was unconsciously using in front of others, constantly apologising, pre-framing points with ‘this might sound stupid…' and long-winded explanations to justify a perspective.

Danika realised that she needed an external perspective (Act of Confidence #4 Ask for Help) so she asked a trusted colleague to provide feedback on her language. This was a big ‘aha moment’ for Danika who had been unaware of the unconscious messages she’d been sending to senior stakeholders; I’m unsure of myself, I’m confused, I’m fearful of advocating for a position.

Once Danika was able to get clear on what was undermining her brand and profile, she was able to start taking small acts of confidence and experiment with new language, dropping the unnecessary waffle, being more direct, and letting go of the constant apologies. At first, her progress was slow, those old language patterns had been around for a while, but once she started noticing how self-deprecating she was being, it became easier to try something new.

Within a few weeks, Danika was seeing a difference in the responses received to her questions and opinions in meetings. Her clarity meant she was more direct in asking for what she wanted (Act of Confidence #3 Ask for What You Want) and she was less afraid of making a mistake because she had overcome her fear of failure (Act of Confidence #5 Fall Down and Get back Up Again).

Additionally, Danika became aware of how often other women in her team were also making the same mistake she was, and with permission, she started gently pointing it out, so that others could benefit from what she’d learnt. This started a mini ripple effect, which meant more women were willing to speak up, be direct, and challenge their old undermining language patterns.

Feeling frustrated that you’re not making the progress you’d like with your career? Find out more about how the Acts of Confidence Program can help you address your challenges so that you can create the career and life you deserve. Book a Confidence Breakthrough Call to find out more today.

June Deep Dive:

Confidence & Language: The Impact of Language on Self-Perception and Personal Brand

Our language shapes our reality. It influences not just how others perceive us, but also how we perceive ourselves. Many of us are unaware of the unconscious language patterns that subtly undermine our confidence.?

Ever observed someone apologising unnecessarily, prefacing an inquiry with “this may be a stupid question,” or talking excessively as they seek to find some clarity of the point they want to make? These habits can significantly impact your self-esteem and how others view your competence and confidence.

Why Language Matters

Language is a powerful tool for communication; often we use language habitually without consciously being aware of its impact on ourselves and others. It’s not just about the words we use; it’s about the meaning we create from those words. When we’re unaware of how our language might be undermining us, we risk reducing our confidence, effectiveness, and influence.

Research shows that women are told twice as much as their male colleagues that they need to display more confidence. Some (and we emphasise, some) of this can be traced back to habitual language patterns that diminish self-perception and presence.?

What's going on?

Many of us fall into unconscious language habits, especially in high-stakes or nerve-wracking situations. These habits might include:

• Over-apologising
• Prefacing an inquiry with “This may be a stupid question, but”
• Saying yes when you want to say no
• Worrying excessively about how your message will be received (so you end up saying nothing or waffling)
• Minimising contributions by the use of ‘just’

Repeated over time, these behaviours become ingrained and often unconscious, influencing your internal confidence and the way others perceive you.?

Confidence Derailers and Red Flags

Becoming aware of language signals and red flags is crucial as they shape your inner confidence (what we call Core Confidence) and can negatively impact your personal brand and professional presence. Often, these habits are unintentional and can be related to fear.

Common Language Red Flags

• Over-apologising: Saying sorry when it’s unnecessary
• Seeking permission: Phrases like “Can I just ask if…..?”
• Justifying or over-explaining: Providing too much detail unnecessarily
• Waffling: Taking too long to get to the point (studies show men speak around 7,000 words a day, while women speak about 20,000, some of this is useful – and sometimes it’s nerves or over-explaining, rather than communicating a point)
• Saying yes too often: Agreeing to help even when they haven’t got capacity

How to Address Language Patterns that Undermine Confidence

To start to shift these undermining language habits try these strategies:

1. Notice Yourself and Others: Become aware of your language patterns and observe others who communicate effectively
2. Start Small: Choose one language habit at a time to change, such as reducing apologies or being more concise
3. Seek Feedback: Ask trusted colleagues or friends to help you identify and work on these habits
4. For more tips & suggestions read the full blog here.

The Role of Leaders in Supporting Conscious Language Use

Leaders play a critical role in helping women become aware of their language and its impact. Here’s how leaders can support this development:

• Notice Language Patterns: Pay attention to when and where women use minimizing or self-deprecating language.
• Coach with Questions: Use insightful questions to help individuals understand the impact of their language.
• Suggest Alternatives: Provide examples of different ways to express themselves and language patterns to avoid (use the list above with examples).
• Resources: If you find that this is something that needs attention and focus, consider our women in leadership program, Acts of Confidence , where they will learn how to authentically enhance their presence and impact with a community of like-minded professional women.??
• For more leader tips & suggestions read the full blog here.

If you have any questions or would like to learn more, feel free to reach out at?[email protected]