Confidence is knowing how to handle worst

I am the only child to my parents and so they were very protective of me and being born to semi conventional Indian family is a blessing and a curse, both living in harmony side by side. They wouldn't let me go out to play with other neighbourhood kids. What if they beat me up? What if i get into an accident? What if someone kidnaps me? What if I run away, but to conclude my point, they would not let me go out to do things on my own, which kind of hampered my social skills and experiences. I became more of a mama's boy as she used to come to drop me and take me from my school. She did not start working till I reached 5th Standard and started going to school on my own with friends in the neighbourhood.

So there I was with good marks at SSC but no prior knowledge of what road to take (even road not taken wasn't introduced to us until our sophomore year) so let's just go with where the popular heard goes i.e, Science. People started noticing me and god I tell you it feels soo good when you get the attention, when I participated in all extra curricular activities like singing, dramatics, cricket and NSS (National Service Scheme) there I got so much exposure that I can do something more than the studies.

College life really opens up your avenues of growth and development as also started going to a gym with friends and made a good physique and that boosted my confidence much more. Girls started getting attracted to my body and I became a hero of the college soon. But my key point is that you explore on your own, try things and when you like something, get lost in it totally, imbibe yourself in the beauty of it and you won't need anyone to tell you how to be more confident or how to believe in yourself. Trust me on this, you gave a try to others’ advise now for once try your own, no matter how shitty you find it. It will lead you somewhere, somewhere better and the journey will help you believe in yourself.

We all feel insecure sometimes. But some of us feel insecure all the time. This debilitating kind of insecurity comes from fear and it’s shaped by our past experiences. This fear affects how we perceive ourselves and how we interact with others, which in turn has an impact on our self-esteem and self-confidence. As children, our role models, the people whose behavior we see every day, are our parents, teachers, relatives and caretakers.

We learn to love ourselves by observing our caretakers love themselves and us unconditionally, regardless of looks, athletic or learning abilities. We feel loved regardless of our achievements and, consequently, we learn to love ourselves. When things happen that make us doubt ourselves, we know that it’s going to be alright because we believe we are capable of anything.

If we grow up in an environment where we constantly hear our parents being critical, constantly comparing us to others or when our parents are often absent, we start to think that we need to be prettier, smarter to be valued and loved. Overprotective parents also shape our future by making us doubt our own abilities. Surely they won’t let me learn how to drive or use the stove or ride a bus home because I’m incompetent, useless.

We are not born insecure. Insecurity didn’t just happen to us one day and become a personality trait. It is a feeling that is caused by thoughts about ourselves that have gone on for so long that they’ve become a habit. Kicking a habit like smoking or drinking requires a great deal of discipline and your habit is going to require discipline too. The good news is that you can get over your insecurities starting now! The following strategies are your playbook so sit down and take notes.

Identify your negative thoughts about yourself and write them down. Trace them as far back into your past as possible. Where did these thoughts come from? This step is very important because your thoughts about yourself have become a habit so etched into our brain that our thoughts are by now automatic reactions.

Now write down the exam opposite of each of your negative thoughts. For example, if one of them is I’m dumb, write down I’m smart, I always have been smart but the negativity, criticism and comparisons that I grew up with got me into the habit of thinking I was dumb.

You are only yourself and you are unique. You can’t compare yourself to others because you didn’t have the same upbringing, environment, family as others so stop comparing yourself to others or what they have. You’re scrolling through social media and think Everybody is in a relationship except me. All my friends have a great career and I’m a loser. stop! Start wearing a rubber band on your wrist and every time your inner voice starts saying you are the best! Cheers!