Confidence - how this can be shown by Women in business...

When writing my book "Words, Women & Wisdom: The Modern Art of Confident Conversations" my focus was to showcase 40 words and word concepts to help women elevate their confidence by using more powerful language.

In Chapter 7 CHAPTER SEVEN: Powerful Words at Work — Be Heard! I explored the word “Confident” - a valuable concept, especially for women in business.

Using the phrase “I am confident . . .” describes your current state of certainty, and endorses your language as powerful, especially in the workplace. When working in a male-dominated environment, stating your opinion with the words “I feel . . .” is often received with less strength. The more senior your position, the more you benefit from using clear, concise, and powerful language. When we are acutely aware of our language and how we can use our words to our advantage, leadership authenticity is easy to see. Clear, confident and resonant energy can be felt, and shows up in unwavering clarity, clear decision making, and looking forward outlining the greater goal, with the most community impact.

Our challenge as women is often to navigate between being our masculine and feminine energy, between our authentic self and leveraging the skills that help us become respected leaders (displaying high integrity, developing and empowering others, collaboration, and teamwork) as referenced in Zenger Folkman’s Leadership Competencies research. (Footnote: 164) If you are a professional woman looking to move into a more senior role, it is important to use powerful language that is authentic and effective, and radiates confidence. Using “I think” or “I may” will often be interpreted that you have not yet made a final decision, you are still negotiable. Be clear in your position, where you are in the process of deciding, and state that accordingly. Business moves at a fast pace, is volatile and uncertain, so even though you may end up needing to change strategy (pivot) in the future, taking a confident stand for today’s decision is important for your credibility as a leader. Your team is looking for fairness and strength in leadership rather than indecisiveness.

Research shows that women are looking for three key specific leadership qualities to “build trust in the workplace.” Leaders need to show competence, consistency and caring. (Footnote: 165) Women leaders do not have to be liked in order to be successful, however, building trust is a core element of leadership respect. My own experiences gathered in 3 senior Human Resources roles echo other research which shows that women are often evaluated for a promotion based upon past work (rather than the potential to be successful in the new role, which is often the measure for men). Hence clearly showing your current abilities and capacity to moderate your emotions at work are important. Employees respect a leader who is reliable, stays calm in a crisis and gathers input from their team before making decisions, not surprising them with unexpected changes without clear rationale.

Reflect upon the last time you were in a building when the fire alarm went off. The fire marshal (or designated emergency leader) did not say, “please, if everyone could possibly start heading to the fire escapes, when you have a moment . . .” While very polite and warm, the instructions needed in this situation required a clear directive: “The Fire Alarm requires everyone exit the building using the stairwell immediately. Pick up your coat and purse now, and clear the floor, to ensure everyone’s safety. Follow me and leave the building now.” Use distinctive, clear language, and you will see a shift in how others respond. Additional words and phrases to avoid using include: forgot, almost, lazy, however, but, deserve, and try. Stop using filler words (not required, unnecessary, and padding a sentence): such as, hmmm/um/er, anyway, okay, you know, perfect, awesome, that may be — but in my experience, basically, what’s-her-name, thing-a-majig,” or using excessive swear words — regardless of your organization’s culture.

Avoid any remarks that are non-descriptive, such as busy, supported/helped, administered, or good — what do those words really mean? Good is a subjective term. If the outcome is exceptional, appropriate, insightful, innovative, phenomenal, or outrageous — say so!

Keep your language positive without gossip: although you may be tempted to refer to others, especially other women (as bitchy, bossy, cranky, pushy, stubborn, PMS-ing), rise above the crowd and keep your opinions to yourself. After all, they are your opinions, they are not the other person’s truth. If you want to know why someone is coming across in a certain manner, ask them. “I am curious if you are upset about something, as your behaviour is not showing your typical happy self?”

Likewise, if you are upset about something I am sure you would not want others talking about you behind your back, so role model how you want others to treat you. Anna Maria Chávez, CEO of The Girl Scouts of the USA says that girls are listening and watching, and for girls — words matter! So as adults, what are the messages we are sending girls every day, whether we are a parent, a teacher or a peer?” Saying “I don’t like the way you lead, why are you being so bossy?” We need to take that out of our vocabulary and start using other positive words for girls. The Girl Scouts has a research Institute that studies girls and boys, which shows that girls understand the opportunity to lead but they opt out of leadership by middle school, they know it is a negative stereotype to be seen as a leader. (Footnote: 166)

The “Ban Bossy” movement (combining together the goals of Lean In and Girl Scouts) aims to encourage girls to lead. “There are powerful things that every single one of us can do, every day, to change the equation for leadership in our world,” added Sheryl Sandberg in an interview with Anna and Joanne Po with The Wall Street Journal, when talking about eliminating the word “bossy.” (Footnote:167) There are other words women benefit from eliminating. International Stylist Leslie Davies says: I think the word fat needs to be eliminated from our vocabulary, there is nothing positive about using that word, it undermines our confidence, and is not empowering. Let’s focus instead on the pieces of ourselves that we are happy with, that we like. (Even replacing fat with curvy still has a feeling of being overweight). Being healthy and beautiful is important as we are so much more than our body shape. (Footnote:168)

Be thoughtful when using: I imagine, perhaps, spent, wish/hope, may/might, and watch how others respond when you use these words. Using "I imagine" when coming out of a meditation and writing in your journal works well, yet used at work may indicate uncertainty and doubt.

Phrases and words to incorporate in your conversations that convey your role in leading the team to take action include: mobilized, implemented, catalyzed, created, innovated, launched, mandated, instigated, established, triggered, negotiated, won, initiated, cultivated, organized, ignited, advocated, led, optimized, mentored, coached, refreshed, revitalized, invested, or initiated. (Powerful descriptors to also use in your reports or on your resume.)

For women working with teams of women, avoid these words: spear-headed, drove, driven, pushed, strived, contrived, fought, drop-dead (find other language to describe a deadline such as a critical date or key delivery timeline). These are the hard-driving power words that women often use when trying to act like men at work, instead of leveraging our own capabilities and collaborative advantages and cultivating our authentic female leadership style. If we want the workplace to be supporting our career goals and encouraging more women leaders, we need to build an environment which attracts and retains women.

Building a strong culture of inclusion, acceptance, diversity, recognition and validation will require more women to take a stand for the type of workplaces we want to create, not just tolerate.

In Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean In, she also writes about the conundrum of “being liked” for women. Most of us want to be liked. If our success means that others don’t like us, how motivated are we to do well? Sheryl tells a concise story of her first performance review with Mark Zuckerberg (co-Founder of Facebook), six months into her job at Facebook. He told her that her desire to be liked by everyone was holding her back. “If you please everyone, he said, you won’t change anything. Mark was right,” she shares.

While you may feel the sting and painful emotions that come with any form of rejection, practice acknowledging those feelings and shift from activities “to be liked,” to be seen as “fair.” Not everyone will like you, however, it is better that they respect you, which results from them feeling as though you treated them fairly and with respect. Show them respect first and see what happens.

Each word explored in this book has Action Steps leading to developing more confidence, using powerful language, collaborative yet direct communication to empower others while building relationships and respect. There is so much more to being confident, it is much more than our words, the external expression of how grounded we feel. When you are living authentically, fully grounded and showing up living into your values, confident words will flow more easily. This book is a journey, looking at your values and how you live into them each day, how you show up authentically and confidently. When you resonate positive energy and your spirit is comfortable with who you are, you resist the need to be liked by everyone — because YOU are the only one that YOU need to be liked by, actually LOVED by.

ACTION STEPS:

Confidence is embodied when we know we are capable. It evolves by struggling through something and achieving it, through surviving adversity. Courage is not developed doing the everyday things, it is in reaching for something more and through challenge and accomplishment. Confidence is an inner knowing that “you’ve got this!” and that you have enough knowledge, skill, support, and resources to make it happen.

Knowing how you will be measured by others is important, so that you know what external success looks like. Understanding your own motivation, WHY you are doing something impactful and how it feels in your heart and soul (intrinsically) is critical. Begin today by understanding what your intrinsic success feels like, at work, at home, in your volunteer activities, in your business or role as a leader. How will you absolutely KNOW that you have achieved success? Is it a numerical measure, how it will feel, how others respond or engage, the impact it will have in the community, the response from your spouse or children? What are you doing when you feel most proud? Get clear on those measures.

If you are working outside the home, or in a professional capacity, look at your current job description, identify areas where you excel, such as activities that generate revenue for your company, helping to decrease costs or improve productivity, innovate new products, and detail your achievements in writing. Start keeping an “accomplishments” file in your desk, with all of your wins and successes, ready to take into your next performance review discussion with your leader. (If you are a professional who needs to track activities for future accreditation, this comes in handy to keep a register or log of these activities, rather than a last minute scramble to try to remember when your renewal date is looming . . .) When a disappointing event occurs, having a way to remember all the other successes you have had in the past will keep you going. Your resilience will be bolstered by remembering your past achievements rather than getting stuck or upset with one recent poor outcome, and not letting this one instance derail your day.

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Excerpt shared from "Words, Women & Wisdom: The Modern Art of Confident Conversations" by Author Yvonne E.L. Silver.

Confidence Catalyst - Yvonne E.L. Silver is the Founder of Women & Wisdom Media and Flourish! Yvonne is a Speaker, Executive Coach, Chartered Professional HR Consultant, Mentorship expert and author of the overnight bestseller "Words, Women & Wisdom: The Modern Art of Confident Conversations". She teaches women entrepreneurs and leaders to flourish in business – by mastering their confidence and refining their authentic voice, so they can have more sales and grow their team – for a sustainable business that is fun and leveraging their purpose.

Yvonne speaks at conferences and shares insights including: One Woman Fearless Summit, BPW National Conference, Lead with Purpose Conference, and podcasts such as “WINGS of Inspired Business" and "The Top 1%" podcasts. Her “Words Women And Wisdom Show” on BBS Radio showcases inspiring women’s journeys from chaos to confidence. Also, her special needs son Alex is following in her entrepreneurial footsteps, using his artistic talent to sell his paintings to raise money for Operation Smile surgeries. More information and to connect with her, at: www.WordsWomenAndWisdom.com

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Join Yvonne at the next BOLD Women Leaders event hosted at the Calgary Petroleum Club, on Wednesday, November 6th, 2019.

Women make great leaders! Learn the top 10 Competencies of BOLD Women leaders, how to engage your staff to generate more revenue for a sustainable business.  Best suited for ASPIRING women leaders, corporate managers / supervisors ready for career advancement and entrepreneurs growing your team. Join the conversation over a mouth-watering breakfast for ideas, research and discussion. Tickets & details at: https://bit.ly/2LYBbDJ